Okay, so I know I'm late to updating TMIA, but this was something that I actually had a damn dream about last night. This is just the Prologue, I am almost through with the first couple of chapters. There will be things in this story that will be hard to read for some people. I will add a disclaimer to the top of the story and if you decide to pass on the chapter then I completely understand. This is the first time I haven't written about the military and I'm looking forward to how it will turn out.
DISCLAIMER: We all know who owns this. Thanks S.M. for allowing us to play with your wonderful characters. I own a suicidal Bella and an emo Edward.
I always wondered how it would happen. By IT I mean the end of my life. I can't say that recently I had thought it through how I would die, but you always hope and pray to whatever and whoever's out there that it's quick and painless.
Not that any of my aforementioned prayers had ever been answered, but I digress. Unfortunately for me and whoever is around, my death won't be that way. It won't be quiet and it won't be pain free.
For years I tried to plan my demise. I truly wanted to die. Call me what you like, a loner, emo, a freak; I've been called anything and everything.
Death is just a way around the whole lot of absolute shit that has gone wrong in my short life. I was only 12 the first time I thought about it. I could cut, I could take a shot, I could drown myself. Of course to a girl who couldn't even walk straight without tripping, none of these ways would be a good way to take care of it. My luck I'd screw it up and actually have to rely on my family to take care of me, not that they would have. Plus, I could never find a way around the pain of those ways to kill myself and I finally let the dream go of leaving my personal Hell early.
The best part is that my death is my choice.
It will be the one thing in my life that I will at least be able to choose. Most kids my age, sorry, young adults, wouldn't even be thinking of death at 18, but that's what my life revolves around at this point. I just had to graduate high school, that was the only way that my death could go off without a hitch. No one would remember me and no one would be looking for me.
Death has to be better than the life I've been living. I'm desperate and I mean desperate to leave it all behind.
I don't have much, just an alcoholic father and a flighty, an absent mom. Yeah, you would think that by now I would be used to being alone, but the feeling of desperation and hurt never leaves you. It's a feeling I've known too well since the ripe age of 5.
Until they waltzed into my life I had never had someone that I could call a friend. No one ever understood crazy, silent Bella Swan. No one except for a similarly brooding kid named Edward Cullen. The problem was that there was a lot more to Edward Cullen and his equally strange family than met the eye.
And this is what has led me to this point.
To my death.
To the day that I die.
I never thought it would be this way but as long as Edward and I see death together, there's no other place that I'd want to be.
Please let me know what you think. Is it worth carrying on or what? I know it's just the prologue, but I'd like to know if it's worth it! Thanks for reading!
Jen