Hiya. A collection of Mello and Near oneshots & twoshots, some will be romantic, some will have hints of MxN, and some will be downright random. (Such as this one.) Pretty much whatever I feel like writing at the moment. Enjoy~

Disclaimer: I no own. Do not sue. O3O

Boys & Barbies

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"Hehe..." Mello snickered as he peeked outside, hidden behind the door frame and holding a water balloon securely in his hand. Matt sighed behind him, holding two of his own water balloons in either hand. Mello peeked a little further, and then he saw what he had been looking for. Near, sitting outside in the grass by himself, playing with a robot and- Mello chanced a second glance- a Barbie doll? Mello fought to contain his laughter as he slapped a hand over his mouth.

Matt rolled his eyes and piped up, "Can't we just leave him alone?" The redhead asked in exasperation.

Mello immediately stopped laughing and furrowed his eyebrows, glaring at Matt. "You're not gonna bail on me, are you?"

"No- No! I mean... what'd he do you anyway?" Matt asked.

Mello turned and said, "He's just a smart ass. You see the way he looks at everyone, don't you? Like he's above us all! I just wanna put him in his place." He finished slyly and motioned for Matt to follow him. The blonde whispered, "Besides, how hard could it be to take down a sissy who plays with Barbie dolls?"

They both tip-toed over to their destination, sneaking up behind Near. And when they came in earshot of the boy, they widened their eyes at what they heard.

Near played with his toys, handling the blonde Barbie and saying in a girlishly high voice, "Oh~ Mr. Robot, you're so handsome and cunning! I love you!" Near let an evil smirk play across his face. He then motioned for her to hug the robot, but instead he turned out slamming the plastic wind-up toy into the doll, and then promptly tearing her head off, leaving only the plastic stub to rest atop the body. He then said in a monotone robotic voice, "Target- AKA Mello AKA Prostitute-transvestite with a drug problem- has been permanently eliminated. Near the futuristic robot has achieved revenge."

The two behind Near stopped for a moment, processing all of what they had just witnessed. Suddenly, Matt dropped the water balloons at his feet and threw his hands in the air. "That's it man! I'm out!" He called as he walked away. He turned back and said also, "And the only reason I'll be at your funeral is because of the food!"

Mello stood there, mouth agape as Near sweat-dropped and looked over his shoulder. He stuttered, "A- About... what you two just saw..." They stared at eachother for a long while. "It was just... you broke my new Rubix Cube..." Another long pause between the two. "We'll never speak of this again... right?"

Mello dropped the water balloon to his side and nodded silently. "Never again..." He mumbled before walking away.

And for two whole days, not one problem developed between the two. Until one day Mello magically reverted back to his jealous and vengeful self, getting over his trauma-dazed state and resuming his usual routine at Wammy's; attempting to make everyday hell for Near.

We all know what Near's REALLY like inside. Not his fluffy, cutey-pie shell. *Huggles Near Plushie* Don't try to deny it. ;) Leave a review?