Why?
A/N: I have nothing against Jerlita romance or Aelita. This is merely written on a whim from my OC`s point of view.
Why?
Why could he not see how I loved him? If he wasn`t fawning over Aelita, he was at the computer. Aelita and Yumi are loved. They have Odd and Ulrich. I am not; I have no one. I need someone in my life, someone who understands, someone who can help me. But would he ever see what I felt, my heart`s desire? After all, I was a wolf in sheep`s clothing; a mere pawn, an assassin. But I had not counted on love.
I had no programming for this emotion called 'love', yet I was consumed in its heat, swallowed alive by the rapture and thrill. It was strange, unknown. It was like a drug. I would follow him if he went to work on the super computer just to be close to him. Yet he ignored me.
I could make him notice. I could make him love me. But that would mean selling him to XANA. Never. I would never give up my angel, my love, my heart. But why can`t it be me? Why can`t he yearn to be close to me? Why can`t he wish to kiss me, hold me, stroke my hair? Does he truly not know how badly I pine for him, for his love, his affections? Or does he know what I am? Does he know I am of XANA? Does he think I am evil? No, he would have forced me away if he thought that.
But then why does he ignore me? He would push me over if it meant a chance to see Aelita. It burns like acid to see him run to my oldest friend, to know how badly he wants her while I pine for him.
At the same time, I feel a petty jealousy and anger to Aelita. It wasn`t fair! She got his attention while I was cast aside like garbage, like nothing. I felt betrayed. Jeremie, my sweet angel, my innocent love, was pining for my friend who had no such emotions for him. She confessed in me that she had feelings for Odd, and she even found Jeremie`s advances annoying.
How hard it was to refrain from backhanding her! How dare she? She has my sweet Jeremie spellbound, yet finds him a nuisance! I have considered telling him, to let him know what she thinks, but I can`t shatter his fragile heart. She is the apple of his eye, a position I so dearly desire. The position is unattainable, impossble to reach.
I am left in the dark, wishing, wishing my darling Jeremie will one day see she has no such affection for him, for him to discover my love, for him to welcome me with open arms. That day will come.
It has to.