I don't own these people. Mr. Help The Boat is Sinking. I didn't write this, someone who doesn't watch the show did. She just borrowed the characters.
Sexy Sketchy Part Two
Sketchy: Hey Maxie baby, Sketchy is here to fulfill all of your sexual dreams.
Max: Why do I need sexual favors from a drunk, high, ass monkey?
Sketchy: What, don't cha love me any more baby?
Max: What do you mean any more, maybe if you didn't get high any more I could at least speak to you without using the word ass in every sentence.
Sketchy: Hey, I still love you and all, it's just it hurts my feelings when you make fun of my cat. Wait, you made fun of my cat right?
Max: No, I did not insult your cat! But, maybe I should since I've tired every other quote unquote qualities.
Sketchy: Aaahw Maxie, I love it when you talk dirty to me!
Max: What the hell? What did I say that was so damn dirty?
Sketchy: I can tell you love my cat, which means you love me, you want me don't you?
Max: No, you ass wipe, I'd rather screw Alec for Buddha's sake
Alec: Who wants to screw me?
Max: Oh, my blue lady, why the crap are you naked.
Alec: I'm free!
Max: But why naked?
Alec: Do you have a problem with my nakedness?
Max: Yes, I mean No, I mean what was the question again?
Sketchy: He wants to know if you find his buff bod appealing, BABY, I have a beautiful bod too! I promise!!!
Alec: (noticing Max is flushed and staring) Are you feeling alright?
Max: It's really hot in here . . . That's all. You're hot . . . I mean are you hot? Of course you are . . . you're naked . . . you must have been if you took you're clothes off, cuz your naked.
Sketchy: Maxie? Honey? Do I feel that you are sexually attracted to another! Alec ( in French accent) You have offended my honor, I challenge you to a duel, for Maxie!
Alec: I don't want Max, you can have her.
Max: You don't want me?
Sketchy: ( in French accent) You have offended my ladies honor, I challenge you to a duel!
Alec: Are you trying to get your self killed?
Max: What do you mean, I'm fighting this one.( interfering)
Alec: You seriously think you can kick my ass?
Max: In my sleep.
Alec: Why do I find that hard to believe. Shall we evaluate a little? A girl nearly a half a foot shorter then me, and three times less as strong is going to kick my ass.
Max: Actually since I'm about a half a foot shorter then you I'll have better traction. I also have three times the brain power. What's your excuse gonna be when you lose?
Sketchy: I have a sixth sense.
Max: What the hell does that have to do anything?
Sketchy: I am sensing sexual tension.
Alec: I'm sure, do you see dead people too?
Sketchy: No, but I do see a lot of people who want to kick my ass. They're everywhere. The worst part is most of them don't even know me. Most of them make fun of my cat too. That's why I love Maxie so much, she loves my cat. Wait I don't even have a cat.
Max: You don't have a cat? Well, how the hell can I make fun of it then?
Sketchy: You don't love my psuedo cat?
Alec: Dammit, enough with the non-existent cat. Even if it did exist, right now I would be shooting it!
Sketchy: Don't you dare shoot my cat.
Max: It doesn't exist dammit.
Sketchy: Well, it exists to me, don't judge my believes! Let's make up by having a cup of coffee at my house.
Alec: If we go to your house, I'll shoot your cat!
Sketchy: I don't have a cat, but if I did it would be a 300 pound tabby cat, who is gonna kick your ass!
Max: Alright, have we not already decided there is nor friggen cat?
Sketchy: Well, I might actually have a cat now, I'm pretty damn convincing.
Alec: How about before we get the coffee we go off to the gun store?
Sketchy: That's it Alec you are uninvited on account of you wanna shoot my cat!
Max: Why don't I go to the gun store then shoot each of you, then go and shoot Sketchy's cat?
Sketchy: Maxie, I've never seen this side of you, I've never seen you so angry!
Alec: She was more pissed off when I said I didn't want her.
Sketchy: Oh yeah, ( in French accent) You have offended my honor, the honor of my lady, and most importantly the honor of my cat! I challenge you to a duel!
Max: For the last time, I am not your lady.
Sketchy: What, I thought you loved my cat!
Max: How can you judge that I want you because you seem to think I love some invisible cat!
Sketchy: HMM, I spaced out, all I heard was I want you!
Max: Dammit no! I definitely do not want you.
Sketchy: Sorry Maxie I don't wanna do this but . . . You have offended my honor I challenge you to a duel!
Max: You really must have a death wish, but I only have one fight in me tonight boys. And it goes to our favorite naked man Alec, prepare to meet your doom! It is official I'm kickin' your ass!
Alec: So I'm really your favorite huh?
Max: Damn, why do all of the village idiots flock to me?
Sketchy: Do you really prefer Alec over me?
Max: I guess.
Sketchy: Do you prefer Alec over my cat?
Max: I don't know, I've never seen a 300 pound tabby cat before!
Sketchy: Well come and see right now!
Max: I thought there wasn't really even a cat!
Sketchy: No, no, no, no, no all jokes, just jokes.
Max: I'm beginning to think Sketchy deserves an ass whoopin' more then Alec.
Alec: Well, I thought I was your favorite, besides I really deserve it.
Max: What the hell? Are you asking me to kick your ass?
Sketchy: No Maxie, kick mine please. I would appreciate the feeling of your foot up my ass way more then Alec.
Max: Well, if both of you are gonna like it, I'll find another way to hurt you!
Sketchy: Whatever you do to me I can guarantee 'I'll always enjoy it more then Alec.
Alec: Not true! Maxie, do you want to come over to my house and see my guinea pig?
Max: What, you have a guinea pig?
Alec: Yes and he would love to meet you too! Way more then Sketchy's cat.
Max: Oh, I get it! You don't have a guinea pig and Sketchy doesn't actually have a cat!
Sketchy: Maxie, I don't feel that you listen to me anymore, I already thought I had said, I really do have a cat!
Max: Sorry, I'm not paying attention to you. I'm slightly distracted by a naked man. Who just so happens to be talking about what I think is the sexiest animal on the planet, the guinea pig.
Alec: You think my guinea pig is sexy?
Max: Absolutely!
Sketchy: What the hell is happening, am I being replaced?
Max: What, I don't need a new crack head in my life.
Sketchy: Are you two having sex?
Max: No, that's the narcotics speaking.
Alec: Well do you think we should have sex?
Max: Will your guinea pig be there?
Alec: Yep!
Max: Well, of course then!
Sketchy: Maxie no, his intentions are not pure! He wants you for your resemblance to J-Lo's booty!
Max: Is that true?
Alec: Not exactly!
Max: Yes, or no
Alec: Well, no then. Your ass is so way smaller then J-Lo's.
Max: Damn you, you are using me!
Alec: Well, you are using me foe my guinea pig!
Max: I was just returning the favor!
Alec: That is completely unnecessary!
Sketchy: Create peace, stop war, make love, but not to each other, to me!
Max: Well, I knew right away when I started hanging out with you guys some ass kickin' would be in order!
POW BOOM CRASH ZOWEE BANG
( Alec laying on the floor)
Max: Alec, you tried to take me away from my true love who has hypnotized me. No one puts Sketchy in a corner!
Alec: I don't love you any way. Besides J-Lo's booty is so way huger then yours! Sketchy, I am so gonna shoot your cat.
Sketchy: Come on Maxie, we are currently suffering from second hand smoke! Which kills more people then actual smoking!
Max: Oh, my blue lady, I'm dying save me Sketchy!
Sketchy: Anytime!