A/N: If anyone cares or is paying attention anymore, the Kingdom Hearts II parody on my Archive Of Our Own account under the same screen name just started. Not that I'm bitter about not being able to post them on this site or anything...

Disclaimer: I love Kingdom Hearts and some things Disney, but if I had any control over this game I wouldn't have made the requirements for completing Jiminy's journal so friggin' impossible. Or maybe they just seem impossible because I suck at video games, that's a likely possibility...

Donald tapped his foot impatiently as he waited for Sora and Carpet to come back from their tenth run through the ruins of Agrabah in a row.

"Why are they doing this again?" he asked.

"Something about completing the challenges," said Goofy, busy reading Shonen Jump on a lawn chair under an umbrella.

"...When did you...?" Donald began, narrowing his eyes but quickly shaking his head. "It doesn't matter, why does Sora keep doing this magic carpet ride over and over and over?"

"Technically he doesn't have to," said Jiminy, looking over his journal on the edge of Goofy's chair, "but if he wants to 100% my journal he will."

"Whaddaya mean, Jiminy?" asked Goofy.

"I mean that I looked around each planet and sorted out all the extra stuff that we can do while we're here. And after I marked them all down, I set some goals for each one that Sora should strive to achieve." Jiminy smiled brightly. "With this, Sora will become the strongest he can be in no time, and he'll be able to accomplish anything he wants to!"

"...You do know that, short of downing Strength Up after Strength Up, Sora is the strongest he can be right now?" said Donald, raising a brow.

"And this isn't a good place to find and/or make Strength Ups," Goofy added.

"So, to reiterate, why is Sora doing this again."

"And what else does he have to do, anyway?"

"Well," said Jiminy, flipping back a few pages, "we still haven't seen all the Organization Mushroom things in each planet yet, and I know Sora wants to complete those purely for the items and the extra Keyblade you get for defeating all of them. Then there's the Cave of Remembrance Organization battles in general, which if you recall he hasn't won one yet, and again, if he wants to earn and/or create more Strength Ups he'll have to beat at least a couple of them. And of course he hasn't earned the correct amount of points in a few of the Underdrome and Paradox cups in Olympus yet. Speaking of Olympus, he needs a thousand points in Maniac Mode and the highest he's earned so far is 610, so clearly that needs work—"

"Hang on," said Goofy, sitting up, "I was watching that one, he had to wait until the pots respawned in order to earn more points and that didn't happen in time."

"Evidently if you knock the bigger ones into the smaller ones you'll earn points faster."

"Okay, let's just tell him that and—"

"No," said Jiminy firmly. "This is something he has to figure out for himself."

"No it's not!" said Donald.

"And to conclude," Jiminy went on, blatantly ignoring Donald as he flipped a page, "a couple of jobs in Twilight Town could have been done better." He shook his head. "Poster Duty would have been so much easier if he hadn't thrown out the guide Hayner'd given him."

"Can't blame him if he didn't think he'd need it," said Goofy.

"Well it was still very irresponsible of him," insisted the nagging conscience. "He needs to learn to be more prudent about these things."

"You still haven't told us why he's obligated to do all of these things," said Donald impatiently.

"...I may have implied that I'd chop off his manhood in his sleep if he didn't," said Jiminy sweetly, grinning innocently.

"..."

"..."

"...But Sora doesn't sleep," said Donald.

"Not since I've told him that, no, he doesn't seem to," said Jiminy, his smile growing.

"...Probably for the best..."

Just then, Sora came flying over to the oasis from the back of the Carpet.

"I can still only get sixty-four," he complained as he jumped off. "It's that Fat Bandit on top of the roof, I can't hit any Heartless into it and for some reason I can't make Carpet go over there."

"Well I guess you'll just have to try harder next time, then!" said Jiminy brightly.

"I could squish you so easily, you know," said Sora menacingly, pointing Ultima at the cricket in disgust.

"Ah, but the King would be ever so disappointed if you did," countered Jiminy.

"...Why should I care about his opinion?" Sora argued.

"Oh, his opinion doesn't matter. Riku's might, though." It seemed impossible for Jiminy's grin to grow any wider and yet he somehow managed it.

"...Damn you," muttered Sora, lowering his Keyblade and heading to the Gummi Ship in order to head back to the tower more quickly.

"Say, that reminds me, you still have to complete all those Gummi Missions as well!"

"I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU, YOU USELESS BUG!"