Author's Note: I know, this is really long for a one-shot. I was deeply inspired by the song 'Broadway' by the Goo Goo Dolls, and I needed to write a short story for my English class. So, I killed two birds with one stone.
Disclaimer: Don't own Newsies, or 'Broadway' by the Goo Goo Dolls.Sitting at the end of the bar, he glanced around the dark, smoky room. He was by far the youngest man there, being barely eighteen, he was obviously not of drinking age, but he knew the bouncer, so nobody questioned his presence. He sat in the corner, trying to be inconspicuous, while nursing his eighth shot of the night. Realizing that he really was, in fact, quite drunk, he bent his head, and placed it in his arms.
"You know, when a guy is drinking like that, one starts to think that he's trying to drink something away." The bartender said to Skittery with a small smile.
Slowly bringing his head up to look at who was speaking to him, he saw that it was the bartender. When he was finally able to focus his eyes, Skittery noticed the bartender was a handsome young man, with thick dark hair, and a soft sad smile. 'Bumlets' it read on his nametag.
"Yeah," He mumbled finally. "Life."
'Bumlets' chuckled, and said. "Now now, it can't be that bad."
"You have no idea." Skittery said, before putting his head back down into his arms. He remained like that for so long, Bumlets was beginning to think that he had passed out.
"Do you want to talk about it?" He said softly, chastising himself immediately. This boy was a perfect stranger, why would he want to talk about his problems with a stupid bartender? Slowly Skittery raised his head, and looked at Bumlets with confusion in his eyes.
Skittery could remember the exact moment it all changed. It was rare when you could pinpoint the exact moment, right down to the second when life takes a major turn, but in his case he could. He didn't know whether or not that was a good thing, but it was there, so he figured it was something worth remembering. For Skittery, the exact moment that things changed wasn't, in fact, the moment that he met Jack Kelly. No, it certainly wasn't, and that is important to note. If this story is going to be told, it's going to be told right, and Jack Kelly isn't some hero, with powers, or otherwise. He wasn't the evil villain, or a huge force of nature. People didn't bow down to him, and he wasn't the class president, captain of the football team, or homecoming king. He was simply a boy. Although, he did, in the end, shape what would be the end of everything Skittery ever knew and believed, and brought about the beginning of a brand new life. That, he did do.
When Skittery thought back on it, he supposed the beginning would really be the start of his junior year of high school. Contrary to popular belief, he didn't always know that he was gay. No, he was just a very confused little boy. His mother signed him up for tap dancing when he was in kindergarten. As a child, he thought it was fun, but looking back on it, Skittery was convinced, his mother was trying to turn him into the daughter she never had. Unlike the other little boys at his school, at eight, Skittery would rather play house with the girls, then play kick-the-can with the boys. His teachers just thought he was a little romancer, and would chuckle about how cute he was, and what a ladies man he was going to be once he hit puberty.
Looking back, he could distinctly remember getting butterflies in his stomach when he would push his friend Tony on the swings, and his hand accidentally touched Tony's rear end. As a child, you are unaffected by labels such as 'gay' or 'straight' so, it was never a big issue. Skittery's "differences" went unnoticed by his parents until he was in middle school.
When Skittery was in seventh grade, he became friends with a boy named Danny, but everyone at school called him Snitch. One afternoon Skittery and Snitch were playing tag in Skittery's backyard. It was a crisp autumn day, Skittery remembered. Snitch was 'it' and chasing closely behind Skittery, when Skittery tripped and fell into a pile of leaves. Snitch jumped in after him, and started tickling.
"No fair!" Skittery howled in laughter. "I'm ticklish! CHEATER!"
When Snitch finally stopped tickling Skittery, Skittery was lying on his back, and Snitch was sitting, straddling his stomach. He suddenly grew very quiet and serious.
"Hey, Skitts…" He said. "Have you ever been kissed?" He asked softly.
"Nah, not really. Just by my mom, and my Grandma, and stuff." Skittery answered, not catching the seriousness in Snitch's voice.
"Noooo." Snitch said, exasperatedly. "I mean a real kiss. On the lips." He said.
"No." Skittery answered softly.
"Neither have I." Snitch said. "Well, do you want to… uh, practice?" Snitch asked nervously. "You know, just so we don't look like babies when we finally get kissed." He added quickly.
"Yeah." Skittery said, just as nervously. "I guess so."
Then, Snitch slowly leaned down with his eyes screwed shut, lips pursed, and pressed his lips to Skittery's. They remained like that for several seconds, neither daring to move, much less breathe. They only opened their eyes when Snitch was ripped from atop of Skittery by Skittery's screaming father. He knocked Snitch out of the way, and dragged Skittery into the house by his sweatshirt. That evening was the most terrifying of his life. His father spent the entire night screaming at Skittery, and screaming at his mother for 'turning him into a pansy faggot.' His mother calmed him down by convincing everyone, herself and Skittery included that they were just boys, and were innocently experimenting. The kiss hadn't meant a thing. That having been decided, all parties concerned decided to forget the kiss had ever happened, including Snitch. Skittery later explained how he was afraid of what his father might do if something like that ever happened again, and it would be best if they just forgot about it. Snitch said he understood, and they both moved on.
Though he never said it out loud, that kiss was a big question mark in his sexuality. Though he had no romantic feelings for his friend, the kiss hadn't repulsed him, in fact, it felt right. After coming to that understanding, things progressed quite normally for Skittery. He spent the remainder of his middle school career, and most of his high school career being "Asexual" as he jokingly referred to his sexuality. He knew he wasn't straight, that was for sure, but he couldn't be gay, it simply wasn't an option. He was fine with this for the most part. He didn't have romantic feelings for anyone at school, and he figured once he hit college, he could sort out whatever it was that he was feeling. It was easy to live like this. His parents were blissfully ignorant of his inner turmoil, but, things were peaceful at his house, and that was what was really most important. He had a lot of friends at school, so it wasn't as if he was truly lonely, but at times, when he saw his friends dating, there was a part of him that longed to feel that way. To love and be loved.
It didn't take Skittery long to realize that he would suffocate with all these feelings floating around inside of him with no escape. As coincidence would have it, that year he received an electric guitar for Christmas. This was just the outlet that Skittery was looking for. He spent hours and hours writing music, and lyrics. It wasn't as good as being in love, but for now, he decided, it was pretty damn good.
Oh, now where was I? Ah yes, the beginning of eleventh grade, or the beginning of the end. Eleventh grade was the year he finally got a band together. Skittery finally felt like he found his calling, and that being on stage was where he belonged, this was what he wanted to do for the rest of his life. Just when things were going almost too good to be true, enter: Jack Kelly.
Jack Kelly was new that year, he moved into the school district in early November from Santa Fe. He was a true American Cowboy. Or so he said. He always wore a red bandanna, which would become his trademark, as well as his impish grin, and soft hazel eyes. As soon as Skittery met Jack, he knew, his vow of asexuality was out the window. Skittery tried to avoid Jack in school, knowing that becoming friends with him would only lead to trouble.
On the weekends, Skittery and his band, Decaf Heartbreakers, played at all the local venues, and were becoming increasingly popular. Skittery played lead guitar, and sang songs with such passion, many were surprised that they had yet to be signed to a record label. It was at one of these shows where Skittery was formerly introduced to Jack. They started talking music after a show one night, getting into a dispute over which band was better, Skittery casting his vote with Sloan, and Jack siding with Pink Floyd. And later, when they all went out for tacos after packing up their equipment, Jack was invited to tag along by one of the other band members. It was this night when Skittery finally got to know the real Jack Kelly. At the end of the night, or rather, the early morning, which it was when they finally left the restaurant, Jack asked for Skittery's phone number.
Over the next few weeks, Jack and Skittery would become quite close. The kids at school just figured that they were dating, and that Skittery had finally come out of the closet. In reality, both boys had an unspoken agreement. They never asked about each other's sexuality. As close as they had become in the past few weeks, they still had that barrier, like a brick wall between them, both too afraid cross the line between unnaturally close friends, and something more. Skittery of course, was upset and confused about the entire situation, not knowing if he should just throw caution to the wind, and tell Jack about his being gay. Though, if he did that, it might ruin what was the best friendship/relationship he had, excluding Snitch, but Snitch had been around for so long, they were practically brothers… minus the time when they kissed. Snitch's advice on the whole situation, after listening to Skittery worry out loud continuously for over an hour was:
"Just fuck him, and get it over with. The sexual tension is getting really old." He said flippantly, examining his recent manicure.
"Snitch! I can't do that… not that I would if I could, well… maybe, but I can't just jeopardize our friendship. Besides you, he's the only person I've ever met that gets me." Skittery responded.
"Skittery, if the man truly gets you, then your being gay won't make a difference. Besides, if he's any kind of gay man, he already knows." Snitch told him logically.
"He never said he was gay." Skittery countered.
"Puh-lease. Look at the boy! Cowboy boots? Bandana? That boy is the biggest fruit I've ever seen. Excluding myself, of course." Snitch chuckled.
"You know what, the not knowing is what's killing me. I'm just going to tell him tomorrow. I'll say: Jack, you're one of my best friends, and I really think that we have a connection, and I'm gay, and I think we should date, I love you, will you marry me?" Skittery said, progressively speaking faster, smacking his forehead into his palm.
"Well, that's not exactly the approach I would use, but, hey, whatever works for you." Snitch said, smartly.
"Ugh. What was I thinking, I can't say anything to him." Skittery said despondently.
"Well let me just put this one onto the table. If you finally get up the balls to ask him out, is he really worth the risk of your parents finding out?" Snitch asked, seriously.
"Oh crap. My parents. I forgot about them." Skittery said.
"How could you forget about your parents? Your parents are the only reason you aren't out of the closet right now, your dad is fucking Hitler!" Snitch asked incredulously.
"I don't know, I guess they just slipped my mind. But in all honesty, he's totally worth it. Snitch, he gets me." Skittery said, sighing afterwards.
"Well, then you know what you need to do." Snitch, said softly.
It had been two weeks before Skittery gathered up the courage to talk to Jack about what could be the very end of their friendship, or he hoped, the beginning of something even more special. He wanted to find the right time to bring up the subject, but unfortunately with school, band practice, shows, and Jack's job, it seemed as though he would never get a chance to get Jack alone, in quiet. For the first time, he found himself annoyed with the chaos that was his life. Skittery, after becoming completely sick of dancing around the subject for so long, asked Jack to sit in on band practice that Friday night, and after everyone left, he would finally bring everything out into the open. Practice that night had been particularly grueling, Skittery was off all night because of nerves, which he attributed to Jack's presence. After everyone finally left, and the equipment was packed for the show the following night, Skittery collapsed next to Jack on the couch in Skittery's garage, which was also their practice room. Wiping the sweat off of his face, and pushing his hair back, he reached into the communal beer cooler that was practically their band's mascot, pulled out two beers, and handed one to Jack.
"You guys were really good, that new song is coming along really well." Jack said, opening his beer, and giving a sidelong glance to Skittery.
"Oh please!" He laughed. "We sucked so much ass tonight, it's unbelievable." He said, popping the top on his own beer and downing half of it in one gulp.
"Ok, so you weren't the best you've ever been, but everyone has off days, and this was just yours." Jack said, attempting to reassure Skittery.
"Yeah, I guess." Skittery said, leaning his head back against the couch and gazing towards the poster-covered ceiling. After a few minutes of silence, Jack finally spoke up.
"You seem far away tonight. Anything bothering you?" Skittery sighed.
"I was hoping you wouldn't ask that." He said, with a small smile. "God, this is so hard to say." He said, blowing the air out of his chest.
"Skitts, you're making me a little nervous. Whatever you've got to say, just say it." Jack said, nervously.
"Well… it's just that, well, we're friends, right?" Skittery started.
"Yeah, 'tard. Your point?" Jack laughed.
"Well, I was thinking. You really get me, and it's just that, I really like you. A lot. And I'm gay." Skittery rushed, immediately chastising himself, for phrasing his thoughts in the exact way he was trying to avoid. He had been looking down at his hands for his entire declaration, and after a few seconds, he sneaked a glance up at Jack, to gauge his reaction. He didn't know what to expect. Shock, anger, disgust? What he saw on Jack's face was definitely the furthest thing he was anticipating. When he looked up into Jack's face, he saw… amusement?
"I've been working on getting the balls to say that to you for weeks, and you're smirking!" Skittery said, shocked. "I really fail to see the humor in this."
"Shut up and kiss me you fool." Jack said laughing, as he put his hands on either side of Skittery's face, bringing him close, and kissing him on the lips. Skittery decided then, that yes, this suited him just fine. Asexuality. Bah! Who was he kidding? He was a fucking queer, and if his parents found out then… Holy mother of God. His parents. Pulling away abruptly, Skittery looked toward the garage door with panic in his eyes.
"What's the problem?" Jack asked, looking at Skittery with complete and utter confusion in his eyes. "I thought you liked me." He added.
"SHH!" Skittery shushed at Jack. "I do, I do. Trust me, I really do. But my parents might find out, you have no idea how incredibly bad that would be. Oh man, my dad would literally kill me." Skittery said.
"So we just won't tell them, how does that sound?" Jack asked, as if it was the simplest thing in the world.
"I think that sounds like a fucking good idea." Skittery answered, smiling. He was still worried, but he had finally told Jack how he felt, and he was feeling nothing short of euphoria, and that was a pretty hard emotion to damper.
The next few months were filled with whispered words, and stolen kisses in the dark. Things were exactly the same, and things were radically different. The Monday after Skittery's declaration of love to Jack was one Skittery swore he would never forget, that morning, they walked hand in hand into school, and everyone applauded. Snitch ran up to them, or rather skipped up to them, exuding gay-man flair.
"Oh my God, Skitts, you finally grew some balls!" He said, jumping up and down and clapping.
"Um, Snitch… what are you wearing?" Jack asked, looking down at Snitch's feet, which were encased purple pumps with six-inch heels and hand drawn daisies drawn on them.
"Aren't they great?" Snitch asked, slipping several times, yet some how managing not to fall, as they resumed walking down the hallway, on their way to their respective lockers.
"They're… unique." Skittery responded, as he shook his head.
Things progressed quite harmoniously from then on. Jack and Skittery had each other, and Snitch had… well, Snitch had his purple pumps with six-inch heels, and hand drawn daisies. Skittery's band was still unsigned, but still being in high school, they figured it was for the best, until they could really invest the time that touring would need.
Skittery was the happiest he could ever remember being. Eleventh grade ended, and Skittery and Jack's senior year started. High school was soon coming to an end. There was much discussion between the two of what would become of their relationship after graduation. Skittery was putting serious thought into forgoing college, and pursuing his music career, although he didn't want to make any decisions until Decaf Heartbreakers were actually signed to a record label. Jack, on the other hand was thinking about moving back to Santa Fe.
"Just come with me." Jack had asked Skittery one day, as they were sitting on the couch in Skittery's garage, which had become their 'spot.' "You can still have your music. There's a big record label out there, and you can do tours through Southern California. It could work. We could work." He added as a side note.
"I know we could, but… what about my parents?" Skittery asked.
"You know what, man, fuck your parents. You're eighteen. You deserve your own life. We're graduating in a few months. Are you going to let your parents control you for your whole life?" Jack asked, frustrated.
"I know, and I'm sorry. You're right." Skittery said softly, leaning against Jack, burying his head into the crook of Jack's neck. "Do you really want to, you know, move out there, together?" He asked.
"Skittery, I love you. Of course I do." Jack said, gazing into Skittery's eyes.
"It's going to be great." Skittery, agreed. That had been the end of their discussions of the future. Skittery assumed Jack would work out the details, him being a Santa Fe native, and Skittery knowing absolutely nothing about the state, except the general area of the country it was located in. Both, although quite excited with the prospect of moving in together, were fairly nervous about this big step. They decided to put it in the back of their minds, and make the most of their last year of high school. Graduation was creeping steadily closer, and still, Skittery had yet to inform his parents of his post-high school plans. Unfortunately, the Gods were not with him in this particular instance, because his parents found out all on their own.
One day after school, Skittery walked in his front door, and saw his parents sitting calmly on the couch, waiting for him. 'Oh shit.' He thought, not know exactly what was coming, but knowing that whatever it was, it wouldn't end well.
"Matthew, is there anything you would like to share with us?" His father said, his words clipped, and voice cold.
"Skittery, dad. It's Skittery. And, um. No, I don't think so." He said nervously.
"Well, how about you explain what this is?" His father said, throwing Skittery's notebook full of song lyrics, notes from Jack, and drawings at him.
"Well, dad, it looks like this is my private notebook, that you dug through my room to find." Skittery said, condescendingly, as he picked it up, and flipped through it, making sure everything was still there.
"So, you're a fucking queer, are you?" His dad roared. "I thought I told you, I wouldn't put up with that shit." He said, his voice deadly.
"Dad, I'm gay. It wasn't a decision that I made, it's just the way I am. It's not something I can change, not that I would want to. You can't beat it out of me." Skittery answered.
"I can sure as fuck try!" His father said, advancing on him, all the while, Skittery's mother sat quiet on the couch, sniffling occasionally, but making no attempts to try and stop her husband.
"Dad!" Skittery shouted. "I'm still your son. I've been this way my whole life. Is it really that important?" He asked, desperately.
"You're no son of mine." His dad responded quietly, turning away from Skittery, his wife sobbing after hearing his words.
"Fine." Skittery said, turning around picking his backpack off the ground and walking out. He was devastated. His own mother wouldn't stand up for him, and he been kicked out of his house. Luckily, his guitar, and all of the band's equipment were being stored with Ivan 'Dutchy' Dudynski, the band's drummer. Skittery dug his hands into his jacket pockets, and hunched his shoulders, walking into the early evening wind. He slowly walked the two miles to Jack's house.
By the time he reached the familiar house, it was just past dusk. When he reached the door, he straightened his shirt, fixed his hair, and let himself into the garage, planning on progressing up to Jack's bedroom, which was on the second floor of their garage. He was actually somewhat excited. If he couldn't live at home, maybe he could stay with Jack. This actually worked out better than waiting until graduation. It was going to be great.
Skittery dropped his bag at the bottom of the staircase, and quickly made his way up to Jack's bedroom door. Bursting in quickly, planning on telling Jack of his news, that now didn't seem quite as bad, when he was caught completely off guard. What he saw upon entering the room was the farthest thing from anything he ever could have expected.
"WHAT THE FUCK!" Skittery yelled, surveying the scene in front of him.
"Oh shit!" Jack exclaimed, jumping apart from the body of a person lying half naked on his bed, and pulling on a shirt. "Skitt's, just, ah… let me explain!" He exclaimed, attempting to walk toward Skittery, who was slowly backing up toward the stairs. "See, Sarah here was just… She was-"
"You're both half naked in your bed. Jack, there isn't an excuse. What happened to 'Oh, I love you, let's move to Santa Fe!'? And why the fucks are you with a girl? My God this is so unbelievably fucked up." Skittery cut in, yelling. He screamed, and smashed a mirror, before hissing "You're dead to me." He backed up to the stairs, turned around, and fled from the only thing in life he believed was real.
After he reached the street, he started running blindly. He had nowhere to go. He was alone in the world. He had been disowned, his boyfriend was apparently cheating on him with a girl. The only coherent thought running through his head, besides 'Oh, fuck.' Was 'God, I need a drink.' He slowed his pace, down to a walk. He felt so lost. It was dark, and getting chilly, and all he had to his name was his backpack full of useless papers, and a whopping twenty bucks. "FUCK!" He screamed into the quiet night air. He started panting and tugging at his hair, and his jacket. He ripped off his pack and threw it against a tree. He sat down, next to his discarded bag, and wept. He hated himself for believing Jack's lies, he hated himself for being so careless with his notebook, if his parents hadn't found it, he would still have a home. He hated himself for crying, and for believing that he was anything more than a joke. But most of all, he hated himself for believing there was such a thing as love.
When he finally managed to stop crying, and get himself together, he continued walking in the direction he had been originally headed in before his breakdown of sorts, hoping inspiration might come, and that he would figure out what to do. When he finally stopped walking, Skittery looked around, and saw that he had ended up in front of Broadway Tavern. His dad used to take him there when he was younger… he didn't really remember much about that time period, except that his dad hit his mom a few times, and they argued all the time. His dad would always take him there, and he would sit with the fat man at the door who had lots of tattoos. He and the fat man, Vinnie, play card games while his Daddy had been at the bar. Skittery shook his head, to clear his mind. He looked up and felt the rain pour down his face. He really needed to be inside. Vinnie liked him, he'd surely let him in. He pulled his coat collar higher around his neck, and crossed the parking lot. When he opened the door, he saw Vinnie sitting on a bar stool, looking acutely bored.
"Hey, Vinnie." He said jovially, praying the larger man would remember him, and let him in.
"Whoa, Matty. What're you doing here… you're dad's not here is he?" Vinnie asked, peering around Skittery, looking for Skittery's father.
"Naw, man, I'm here alone." Skittery said, looking down at his shoes.
"Hey kid, it's been a while, but it hasn't been that long. What are you now, seventeen?" Vinnie asked, with a smile.
"Eighteen. Come on, Vin, I got nowhere else to go." Skittery said.
"Don't worry about it, Matty. I won't say anything, just don't get into any trouble." Vinnie said, clapping Skittery on the shoulder.
"Thanks, I really appreciate it." Skittery said, and slowly walked toward the end of the bar, furthest from the door. He looked around the hazy room, recognizing the expressions on the faces of some of the women, aged beyond their years, just trying to not be swallowed up by life.
"Hey!" Vinnie yelled to the bartender. "Get this kid a scotch, he needs it."
"Make it a double." Skittery said, as the bartender raised an eyebrow at him, but complied, and expertly began fixing Skittery his cure for life.
"I said do you want to talk about it." Bumlets repeated to the well beyond intoxicated Skittery. Skittery took a shuddery breath, and looked Bumlets directly in the eyes.
"That would be nice." He said softly. "I'd like that a lot."
Broadway is dark tonight.
A little bit weaker than you used to be.
Broadway is dark tonight.
See the young man sitting
In the old man's bar.
Waiting for his turn to die.