For fellow Pottersessed (my word, deal with it) maniacs out there…
*please note, I am commencing writing this at 00:49am, with MY COUNTRY ALREADY SEEING THE DAMNED FILM and I am very annoyed I didn't get to go to the midnight showing (fbk shows this) but… yes…*
I don't own anything – MV or HP related
Pure crack!
"Myrnin," Amelie sighed, her tone most weary, "what do you want now?" she asked him, regretting allowing him into her office. When he had turned up five hours ago, she had assumed that he would have merely a request to make for some exorbitantly priced machinery and then would leave when she declined it.
Oh, he did that. Of course he did that. But then he continued to make request after request for four hours and thirty seven minutes straight before bursting out of the room 'to check on his pet hamster'. She thought then she had gotten rid of him, but then… he returned, much to her dismay.
He looked affronted for a moment before shrugging his shoulders and smiling quite possibly the widest she had ever seen him smile… and that included the day that he had found out that his alter ego had won the prize for some physics award.
"I came to ask you for a favour," he answered, an undertone of desire evident in his voice.
"Whatever it is, is it more important than the previous… ninety four requests you have made of me today?" she queried, looking down at the sheet of illegible handwriting in front of her that he had given to her 'so she could remember all the things he wanted'. Apparently, he said, she owed him three hundred and seventy four birthday presents and double the amount of Christmas presents.
And he said he couldn't remember his birthday.
He nodded eagerly, like a child on Christmas morning, and she shook her head, leaning back in her chair infinitesimally. "If so, then why did you not mention it previously? If it is so important, why was it not the first ridiculous request you made of me, rather than the one for… ahhh yes, the chance to chop up dead bodies into pieces and then make French Toast out of it?" she wrinkled her nose up delicately as she silently contemplated whether or not she should have Myrnin locked up in a mental institution.
He turned slightly pink and shrugged his shoulders in a petulant kind of way. "Well, this was more of an impulsive thing but now that I think about it, it is definitely the bestest thing that I have ever thought up in my entire life!" he sounded so enthusiastic that Amelie thought her head had about as great a probability of imploding as the electricity continued to run at 240V. (1)
She groaned almost inaudibly but nodded her head slowly, looking up wearily at Myrnin. "Very well, you can have one more request," she sighed, internally knowing she would regret this decision. "However, if it is anything rude or derogatory towards humans in anyway, I shall forbid it and make you work with Oliver for a decade… do you understand?"
He nodded, muttering insults about Oliver under his breath before he straightened up and looked at Amelie. "As you know, I have mastered this internet sensation extraordinarily well and I believe that I am adequately able to complete a hacking mission into a certain Warner Brothers' website and such," he said, pride for his… abilities the only thing Amelie could hear.
"Now, why would you want to hack into… wait, who are they?" Amelie asked, showing her ignorance towards the human world of entertainment.
He rolled his eyes and produced a DVD box of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 from behind his back, placing it down on her desk. "Amelie, they produced the Harry Potter films, the best film series of all time! And the premiere of the new film to the general public is tonight! In parts of the world, it has already happened," his face turned to a grimace as he mentioned the lucky countries (one of whom created the franchise) who had already had the pleasure of seeing it.
She picked up the box and surveyed it, wondering why he would want this. "So, you want to hack the company that brought about this film… just to get a film that you already have?" her brow furrowed in confusion, knowing that this could not be right but not having another suitable explanation.
He shook his head vigorously, sending his curls flying everywhere, and began to prance around the room like he was a Lord of something or other. "No, Amelie, don't be so stupid!" he sounded like a teenage girl for a moment, startling Amelie. "I want to hack them to get the next film; the last one in the series!"
She nodded slightly, now understanding why there had been such an uproar when the cinema in Morganville hadn't managed to secure some film that everyone had been dying to see (not literally, she knew that well enough) and they wouldn't get it until the eighteenth of July…
"Myrnin, this is you we are talking about… why would you want permission from me to hack a company that has something you wish to covet so very dearly?" she raised the obvious question, pressing her fingertips together.
He pulled a funny face, the lower corners of his lips stretching out to try and make him appear like a clown, as he stepped slightly back from Amelie. "Um… well, I didn't want to do anything without your knowledge, for you are a wonderful ruler and require to know everything that occurs," he blabbed on and on, giving her the biggest load of BS she had ever heard… which confirmed he had already done it.
"You already have it, don't you?" she called his bluff, one eyebrow raised slightly as she waited to see whether or not he would tell the truth.
"Of course not!" he said, indignated that she would say that. "I would never do something like that without your permission!"
Her continued silence seemed to speak words for Myrnin, who suddenly began to babble once again. "Okay, well, maybe I would but I haven't this time… oh, woman, how on earth do you manage to get it out of me…? I'm sorry, it was so tempting… I had to do it!" he ended up confessing to the crime which would probably get him arrested on federal charges of hacking if caught. (2)
He sank to his knees and began to ball his eyes out, begging her to forgive him… but all he did was make her carpet dirty with the oil left over from his experiments earlier.
She shook her head slightly as if she couldn't accept it, a rising concern for the safety and security of Morganville rising. "Did you hide your hacking?" she asked, keeping her tone carefully neutral. "I mean, did you show that you had hacked or did you do it seamlessly, without them realising?" she clarified her question slightly as he looked at her with a confused look in his eyes.
"I did it without them knowing, of course," he muttered, still facing the carpet. "Oh, Amelie, can you forgive me?" he wailed, knowing she would tell him to be quiet soon because she didn't want her perfect reputation with the neighbours for noise being destroyed.
"Myrnin, either silence yourself this instant or head off to live with Oliver for the next century once you have composed yourself," she hissed, standing up and moving across to look out the window at the setting sun. Then a thought hit her. "This film, Myrnin, it is popular, yes?" she confirmed, causing him to look up at her from underneath the curls.
He laughed slightly but then nodded, ceasing his laughter as she gave him a look that would probably have killed Claire if she were in there. "Popular? Amelie, you have not seen the way that these girls fawn over the main characters; the way that everyone dresses up with robes and a wand… oh I want a wand!" he began to cry again until Amelie clapped her hands together with a firmness that said 'moron, shut up now otherwise I will castrate you'.
"So, if we were to release this film, we could charge a great deal and make a profit?" she asked him, calculating figures in her head. She wanted more money so that she could be able to shut Myrnin up without having to sit through so many ideas of his in the future and this could be the perfect way.
"Oh yes… thirty dollars a ticket would definitely be paid," he confirmed, money signs in his eyes as he calculated the numbers in his own mind. "That would be… that would be more than enough to get everything that I want you to get me!" he grinned, standing up and moving across to his oldest, and perhaps only, friend.
She shuddered almost imperceptibly as she recalled Myrnin's last physical embrace with her: it ended with his slobber all over her cheek. So she began to back away, reaching out onto her desk for something to attack him with, just as she found the DVD he had left.
"Touch me and I will tear this into tiny pieces!" she growled, backing away even further. The threat of destroying the seventh film was too much for Myrnin, so he curled up on the floor and sobbed, whilst Amelie arranged for Claire to take the copy of the film (without the annoying people that go to the toilet every five seconds) to the cinema to then announce that they could go and see Harry Potter at midnight.
"Amelie," Myrnin murmured her name, sitting upright.
She turned to face him with a blank expression on her face. "What now, Myrnin?" she asked, her voice tense with the stress of the past afternoon.
"Since we have the eighth film," he began, his voice innocent like a child's. "Would you like to accept the offer to partake in a Potter-a-thon with me, watching every film in the series?" he asked, grinning in the same way his voice sounded.
She hesitated for a moment before looking back at her paperwork. "Would I have to sit with you for the entire time?" she inquired, just as he nodded enthusiastically. "Then, no… I cannot abide spending another minute with you."
He scowled and picked himself up from the floor, snatched the copy of the DVD from the table and stalked through the portal, slamming it shut whilst Amelie continued with her work, sneakily taking peeks at the final book as she worked.
THE END!
1) This is what it is in England and my internet sucks on my phone so I'm not searching what America has it at… and I think it is that in England; I never paid attention in physics.
2) I, um, don't know anything about this, so if it's wrong, it's wrong…
Thoughts?
Vicky xx