Story by: Kassie King
Title: Make it Out Alive
Category: Angst/Drama
Rated: T
Summary: George reflects on his intern exam and what being a surgeon means to him. This is how I would like things to happen in the next season. Unless some other option opens. R/R.
Everything that I've worked for is gone. None of it mattered. All of the pain, suffering, loss. Everything. Nothing alters anything. Everything I tried for, all of the things I learned. None of it made a difference. All of the friends I made, all of the people I sucked up to, all of the time I spent. None of it changes a thing. Because in the end that test paper still says: Failed.
I failed. I'm done. I'm not going to be a surgeon. I'm not going to be Doctor O'Malley. I can't even go to Mercy West. This is the end of my road. So where do I go from here? My best friends in the world are residents. My wife is Chief Resident. I am still the first one to bite the dust.
I never really had a shot standing up to all of them. It was a competition. I always lose competitions. I can't repeat my intern years. There's just no way. How could I stand to take orders from my friends, my peers? I have no idea what to do now. Bailey said I can repeat the years or quit surgery. The latter doesn't seem like an option either.
Maybe this is all karma. I cheated on my wife so I can't cut people open for a living. Izzie cheated with me and she still gets to hold the scalpel. Why can't I just retake the test? Who gives a shit? Let George have a break. I've been through a lot this year. Let me prove myself.
It's Meredith's fault. If she would've just taken the test like everybody else I could have focused on my own instead of her. Maybe I'll tell the chief that. He loves Meredith, he'll appreciate the fact that I was watching out for her. No, that would never work. I know it wouldn't. Bailey already told me my choices.
I failed her, I know I did. What if I'm the reason she didn't get chief resident. I mean I'm glad Callie got it, but Bailey was like "The Chosen One". Will the Seattle Grace intern program suffer? No, I remember my first day. Webber said that some of us would fail, it was to be expected. I barely even got it to the program so it's no wonder I could make it all the way through it.
I feel like I need to tell Izzie. Don't ask me why. I love her. She's my best friend. I need to tell her. She'll understand. If I tell Callie she'll talk to everyone in the Hospital and scare everyone to the point where I want to quit. If I tell Izzie she'll talk me down, help me figure it out. I need Izzie.
Alex is gonna laugh at me. A lot. He was probably the first one to know I couldn't do this. Meredith and her false confidence. Christina and her bluntness. They all knew inside I wouldn't make it out alive. Burke picked me in the beginning. Was it some sort of sign?
Once again I am 007. That's all I'll ever be. If I couldn't pass this test and I'm in the best intern program in the country there is something the matter with me. Maybe I just don't have the mental capacity for this stuff. Maybe I should write crappy poetry about stuff no one understands and become famous. That's not what I want though.
What do I want?
I want to be a surgeon. More than anything I want to be a surgeon. I'd give up everything in the world to be a surgeon. At least my dad died thinking I would make it. So what if he died under a false idea. This is going to kill my mother. It will, she's never going to look at me the same way again.
What is running away going to solve? I'll have to start over. No, that won't work. There's no point. I'll do my intern years again. I'll retake my test. Nothing will have to be different. It will be okay. I'll try and get Bailey as a resident again. Certainly I still hold some precedence. Maybe I'll get chosen for the best surgeries. My friends will pick me as an intern. I'll never be without a surgery. It'll be fine. I just have to tell everyone.
I just have to make it out alive.
A/N
The George not passing his exam thing bugged me a lot. In fact for 4 days I've been pouting about it so I figured I would write down how I would like season 4 to begin. I'm sure George will give up or something, but I would love it if his character would realize the advantage he holds.