As to be expected of someone who always lived in the moment, Kousaka Honoka wasn't someone who thought much about the future.
All her life she was the clumsy, awkward, impulsive girl who wrote poems about how tired she was of eating red bean paste, and who led her friends with a triumphant smile, but with no real goal in mind. μ's had been her miracle. She found a love for singing and dancing that she might not have found otherwise. She found friends she had grown to love with all of her heart, that she would be eternally grateful for meeting. μ's had been everything to her. She was still a school idol, joined by the remaining original members of μ's, along with some new additions to the Idol Study Club, but it would never be the same. Her future beyond high school was clouded in uncertainty.
Sonoda Umi could not have been a better opposite force. All her life she had prepared to take over her family's dojo, and now her destiny was close to being fulfilled. She'd go to a prestigious local university, and once she graduated, the dojo would be all hers. This was the path that had been laid out for her. If you had told her in the past that she would be a member of the most popular school idol group, there was no way she would have believed you - but μ's had been Umi's miracle as well. She had learned to love singing in front of crowds, and she found herself proud rather than embarrassed of her lyrics.
Honoka knew all of this. She had known for a long time. That didn't stop her from being unprepared for this conversation.
"We should start considering plans for our final concert."
Usually Honoka was the one to spark sudden, unexpected conversations, but this time it had been Umi. Silence had fallen over the two as they lay on Honoka's floor, hand in hand, a CD of music composed by Maki playing in the background. Umi hadn't faced her when she said this, her eyes wandering anywhere but - nothing short of unusual for her.
"Umi-chan," Honoka began, letting out a weak laugh as she sat up, hoping Umi would face her. "It's only November. Where is this coming from?"
Umi sat up as well, putting all of her focus into adjusting her skirt. "It's good to be prepared."
With a hopeful smile, Honoka wrapped her arms around her girlfriend's neck. "Something's bothering you. And I thought we agreed we'd stop bottling stuff up."
Umi sighed, though Honoka knew she was smiling as she placed her hand over Honoka's. "I'm not going to continue as an idol." Honoka's arms slumped. "I've been accepted into Kyoto University, and after college, I'll run my family's dojo, as I should."
Honoka was silent, responding by pressing her head into the crook of Umi's neck.
Softly, in a near whisper, Umi said, "You've known this for years."
"I know," Honoka murmured, though with her response incomprehensible, she had to move away from Umi and repeat herself. "I know, but...graduation still seems so far away." Umi didn't respond, and Honoka followed up with, "I don't want to lose you."
You won't lose me, Umi wanted to say, but the words wouldn't leave her mouth. She simply let Honoka rest her head on her shoulder, wrapping an arm around her to comfort her.
Graduation was never an easy time.
. . .
"I should start charging to give out my advice."
Umi blushed and bowed her head as she sat down across from Nozomi, her friend's playful tone and smile enough to get to her. Between her and Honoka, Nozomi had been asked for advice quite a bit throughout the past few months. It was only fitting that it was Nozomi. She was wise beyond her years, and her spirituality, Umi had come to realize, was no joke. Were she not Sonoda Umi, she might have considered that idea that Nozomi was a goddess of some sort.
"So," Nozomi said in a more welcoming voice. "What's troubling you?"
And so Umi relayed her woes to Nozomi, Nozomi nodding thoughtfully as she spoke. Once Umi was finished, and after taking a moment to process everything, Nozomi said, "I'm surprised Honoka-chan's so worried. She doesn't normally let things get to her."
"She'll be losing me and Kotori," Umi explained. "That won't be easy for her."
After turning down her chance of a lifetime to study abroad in favor of staying with her friends, Kotori would once again be embarking on her new life abroad, though this time there would be no stopping her at the gates. She was determined to study fashion under a renowned foreign designer, especially since she had been one of the lucky few to get accepted to do so. In spite of her determination, she was still reluctant, as she often was when it came to doing things without Honoka and Umi, but this would be an amazing opportunity for her. Honoka and Umi refused to hold her back.
"What about you?" Nozomi prompted.
"Or me."
"You just have to have faith," Nozomi said, reaching out and touching her hand reassuringly. "Don't spend all of your time worrying. Enjoy the next couple of months."
Finally managing a smile, Umi replied, "I'm glad you're still close by." After a moment's thought, she added, "How do you make things work with Eli?"
Though Eli had stayed in Japan for the summer, she had decided to return to Russia to attend university; not before confessing her feelings for Nozomi, of course. Even Umi had seen it coming a mile away. The two were inseparable, just as Umi was with Honoka and Kotori, and that was what made her almost fear Nozomi's answer.
Nozomi smiled solemnly. "It's hard. Every day I want to reach out to her, and every day it hurts realizing she's not here. For now, hearing her voice every night is enough."
"I'm sorry," Umi murmured.
"Don't apologize!" Nozomi replied, uncharacteristically flustered. "We're going to spend Christmas together, so it's not like I'll never see her."
Umi couldn't help but notice the clock behind Nozomi at the moment, and startled, she jumped from her seat. "I'm going to be late! I'm so sorry, Nozomi, I-"
Nozomi pressed her finger to her lips with a teasing smile. Umi smiled in defeat, and with one last bow and thank you, she left the Kanda Shrine behind her and headed straight for Otonokizaka, as fast as her legs would take her. Would Honoka actually beat her to the student council room today?
. . .
"Is this how you felt when you almost left?"
Honoka pressed her head into Kotori's shoulder, Kotori stiffening in shock as she did so. It was already enough of a surprise that Honoka had arrived early, before Umi at that. All Kotori could do was reassuringly play with Honoka's hair as she contemplated her answer. "It was probably the hardest decision I've ever had to make. So far. But I guess that was mostly because I wanted to hear what you had to say, and I couldn't."
Honoka's frown deepened, regret tugging at her heartstrings once more. "I guess it's selfish of me to expect you to talk about this with me, huh."
Kotori jumped in her seat, her shoulder smacking Honoka right in the face and causing her to jump up as well. "Honoka-chan!" Kotori scolded, sounding eerily like Umi - as similar as she could with her squeaky, worried tone. "You're not being selfish!"
Rubbing her aching cheek, Honoka murmured, "Sorry."
"Part of me still doesn't want to leave," Kotori said when Honoka didn't resume the conversation. "I don't want to leave you all behind. Especially you and Umi-chan."
Stretching her arms behind her head out of frustration, Honoka whined, "Growing up is hard!" Just as she said that, the door to the student council room opened, and Umi stood in the doorway, cautiously closing the door behind her.
"Is everything okay?" Umi asked, her eyes meeting Honoka's, though only for a second. If there was anything Honoka hated, it was awkward moments like these. Neither of them could help it, but the last thing she wanted to do was feel awkward around one of the most important people in her life, and to drag the other most important person down with them.
Kotori greeted Umi as normally and enthusiastically as always, as if she hadn't just cradled Honoka and tried to absolve her of her fears. Honoka managed a smile, though she could feel it slipping. There was only thing she hated more than awkward moments with Umi: not feeling like herself. If anything, Kotori was being a better Honoka at present. Determined to bring herself back up, Honoka slammed her hands down on the desk as she jumped up. "Everything's fine! Let's get started with our work, shall we?"
Slowly, the awkward atmosphere began to vanish once Umi took her seat and the morning's work began. This year's budget meeting would be coming up soon, leaving the student council with enough work on top of preparing to hand over their roles. Normally the student council would switch positions at the beginning of the second term, but Honoka was determined to make it to the third. Though Otonokizaka would remain open, somehow she felt she still owed the school some sort of debt.
Though the awkwardness had vanished, there was still mostly silence in the room; that is, until Kotori spoke up.
"Do you two...want to hang out after practice today?"
. . .
The park hadn't changed a bit since the last time they had visited as kids.
Umi could still vividly envision so many of the memories they had made here together: Honoka inviting her to play hide and seek for the very first time, her and Kotori worriedly following an enthusiastic Honoka up the tallest tree to see the sunset, finding and comforting a hidden Kotori after a bad day, watching Kotori and Honoka see who could swing the highest without falling off (which usually ended up being Honoka)...
She was really going to leave both of them behind. Kyoto University, the most prestigious university in the country, Umi's dream university, was three hours away from Akihabara. Visiting home for the weekend would be impossible; she wouldn't have the opportunity to stay until summer break. Three whole months without Honoka was something she might have wished for out of anger a few times in the past, but now it almost seemed impossible to bear.
Now that she thought about it, she'd never been away from Honoka and Kotori for more than a week.
"Umi-chan?"
Kotori's voice brought her out of her thoughts, and the first thing that grabbed her attention was the lack of Honoka. Noticing this, Kotori said, "She went to go get drinks." Umi nodded in reply, and Kotori continued on, "Are you okay? You seem a little out of it."
"I'm..." fine, she said; she thought she said. "I'm not. I think I understood how you felt when you wanted to study abroad last year."
With a weak smile, Kotori replied, "Honoka-chan said the same thing."
"I should be fine. This is the path I've spent my entire life working towards, yet I feel like I might be betraying Honoka, and maybe even myself, by not continuing to be an idol. I've never been this conflicted before."
"If being an idol isn't your dream," Honoka said, taking her seat beside Kotori and passing drinks down the line. "Then you shouldn't force yourself to do it."
"I wouldn't be forcing myself," Umi said as she finally brought herself to look Honoka in the eye. "It's just not the same without μ's."
After all this time, she had been the first one to say those words. Even as the Idol Study Club continued, and as the remaining members of μ's pursued their own goals, no one had dared to admit what they were all feeling. Being an idol would never be the same again.
Honoka smiled forlornly. "It's not. But I can't see myself doing anything else."
Honoka was born to be an idol. Umi wondered how it taken them so long to realize that. She shone brighter than the sun, always energetic, always positive, and she had the most infectious smile known to man. Her voice was like a lullaby, and her dancing was mesmerizing. There was nothing else that she could be but an idol.
Her girlfriend's sudden cry forced Umi back into reality, only for her to realize that Honoka was fine, simply bolting upright and screaming her frustration out to no one in particular. "We can't keep moping around!" She exclaimed, throwing her hands up. "Race you to the swings!"
Just like that, she was off. With a half-hearted frown, Umi yelled after her, "Cheater!" She could hear Kotori giggling behind her as they raced after Honoka, and she found herself laughing for what felt like the first time in a lifetime.
. . .
Umi's "no looking in the book" rule could be incredibly frustrating sometimes.
December had come and gone before they had even realized it, and the world began to welcome the new year. With this realization in mind, Umi had wasted no time beginning work on their final song for their final concert. The entire set list had been planned and revised a solid ten times; now all that remained were the finishing touches.
That Honoka would evidently have no part in.
"Why am I even here?" She pouted, crossing her arms and puffing her lips out like a child.
Umi didn't look up from her notebook. "I enjoy your company."
"Do you enjoy my company enough to let me look at what you wrote?"
Umi's silence spoke volumes.
"Umi-chan!"
With a defeated sigh, Umi set her notebook down, keeping her hand over it as she scooted around the table to get to Honoka, kissing her cheek once she arrived. "You know I'm kidding." Running her fingers through the stray strands of Honoka's hair, she murmured, "Though you are cute when you're annoyed."
Honoka turned bright red then and did her best to avert her eyes. "Umi-chan...have you been hanging out with Nozomi-chan?"
"Huh?" There was the panic that followed just about every romantic gesture Umi made. "What did I say?"
Honoka's only response was a kiss. Umi's shock was written all over her face, though Honoka found herself pleasantly surprised when Umi returned the gesture. Giggling, Honoka said, "I wish you were more confident in yourself."
Blushing fervently, Umi managed to say, "T-This is all still so new to me. I've spent my whole life thinking romance is shameless."
"You're not uncomfortable, are you?"
"No, of course not!" Umi exclaimed. "I love being with you."
A beaming Honoka reached out for Umi's hands, taking them into her own with care. Were it physically possible for Umi to blush any more than she already was, she would have. Knowing she would only add insult to injury, Honoka teased, "Is this new song another love song?"
"It's not!"
"Are you sure?"
"You're not getting the notebook."
"Darn."
. . .
"If it's not too much trouble," Umi said, her words betraying her confidence. "I'd like all six of us to perform this song."
Umi sat with her notebook clutched to her chest, surrounded by the senior members of the Idol Study Club. Yukiho and Alisa were off on the far end of the roof continuing their practice, and Umi smiled as she noticed Honoka peering around Hanayo to watch them in the distance.
"All of us?" Hanayo echoed. "Are you sure?"
Umi nodded. "I wrote this as I would a μ's song. I know we're not μ's any more, but...it would be nice for all of us to perform together one last time."
"Let's do it!" Rin exclaimed.
In her usual fashion, Maki averted her eyes, absentmindedly twirling her hair as she said, "I guess I could compose something for you."
"Maki-chaaaan," Rin droned, attacking her with a hug and earning a cry from Maki and a giggle from Hanayo. "Don't sound so thrilled!"
A strange sense of regret tugged at Umi's heartstrings in that moment. It wouldn't be just Honoka and Kotori she'd be leaving behind. She knew this, and yet having it come to the forefront of her mind unexpectedly hurt. Once again, the second years would have to say goodbye to some of their friends. Once Umi and company left, they would be the only ones left at Otonokizaka.
This was why she wanted them all to perform together. Songs were how they understood each other best, and Umi had no doubt that this one would bring them together.
. . .
"For our last song, we've invited some friends to join us!"
Honoka's loud, cheerful tone reverberated throughout the area, though she was soon drowned out by cheers as Hanayo, Rin, and Maki appeared on stage. As they got into formation and as the cheers died down, Honoka continued. "We've put everything we have into this song."
"Please listen," she, Umi, and Kotori said in unison. "This song is called SENTIMENTAL StepS."
Not recognizing each other even when we pass by
When we've become adults
Will this all become nostalgia?... I was thinking about that
Because you've always been by my side
I took that for granted
I thought our everyday life of troubles and laughter will surely continue
This feeling of wanting to preserve this fun moment
It's the first time I'm feeling that
Not recognizing each other even when we pass by
I can't imagine a time when you and I become adults
After all, we'll always be together
Though we can't see it, we really have been maturing bit by bit
From the place where we buried seeds
Tiny leaves are starting to sing
I finally noticed that somewhere along the way
The changing seasons had painted the town a new color
I tried calling you within the light filtering through the trees
But the wind unexpectedly drowned me out
For just a moment, the scenery wavered into sadness
I'm just imagining it right, we're still the same as always
Playfully running around until I feel like I'm about to trip
Wait, wait, are you stopping somewhere on the way home?
Not recognizing each other even when we pass by
I can't imagine a time when you and I become adults
After all, we'll always be together
I tried calling you within the light filtering through the trees
But the wind unexpectedly drowned me out
For just a moment, the scenery wavered into sadness
The scenery wavered into sadness
As the song drew to its conclusion, cheers erupted once more. Tears streamed down Kotori's face, and her place in the center allowed her to reach out for Honoka and Umi on either side of her, pulling them close and hugging them tight. With as much of a smile as she could muster, Honoka waved Hanayo, Rin, and Maki over. Rin practically leaped onto Honoka, and a giggling yet crying Hanayo and Maki followed suit.
This was it.
"I love you guys," Honoka said suddenly, wiping tears from her eyes.
"Stop," Maki commanded weakly, her voice cracking. "We can't just keep crying."
Honoka giggled. "Sorry. I can't help it."
Crying turned to laughter as the hug tightened, and Honoka silently wished to herself that she could stay in this moment.
After all, we'll always be connected. She reminded herself. Please let that be true.
. . .
Honoka received her answer on graduation day.
Tears streamed down her face as she opened the door to the Idol Study Club for the final time, with three familiar faces waiting for her inside. "You all made it..."
Nico scoffed. "As if we'd miss your graduation!"
"Even Eli-chan?" Honoka asked, staring directly at her, still in disbelief.
"I'm on break," Eli replied with a wide smile. Beside her, Nozomi intertwined their fingers, and the two met each other with nothing short of pure joy.
"You don't want to miss your own graduation, do you?" Nozomi teased, gesturing to the clock.
Just like that, Honoka was gone, leaving the trio to laugh as they watched her disappear around the corner. When she arrived at the meeting place for the third years, Umi had been deep in conversation with Kotori, though she soon turned and met Honoka with her hands on her hips.
"Where have you been?"
Honoka laughed nervously. "...Around."
With a lighthearted sigh, Umi took her by the hand. "Come on. It's almost time."
Could she really say goodbye to Otonokizaka? This school had grown to become almost a second home for her. Without it, she wouldn't have found μ's. Without it, she wouldn't have grown. She owed so much to this academy.
"Honoka." Oh, no. That was Umi's scolding voice. "I feel that we have a chance. Yes, let's push forward!"
"I don't want to regret it later, our future lies right ahead," Honoka finished. Reaffirming her grip on Umi's hand, she said, "What would I do without you?"
We'll always be connected.
author's note
Finally, after over a year, I return with part three! Sorry for the delay, everyone! I've been slowly falling out of the fandom over this past year, though I recently rewatched SIP and have fallen in love with μ's all over again, so I finally found the inspiration to continue this series. Part four should actually be out really soon if all goes to plan. I'm excited to be writing for Love Live again!
Thank you so much for reading! If you enjoyed this, please consider leaving a favorite and/or review. It would mean a lot to me. Anyway, I'll hopefully see you again soon!
