Chapter 2
Esme went grocery shopping one day. It used to be just for looks since the Cullens don't eat the food, but since Jacob moved in, he eats anything and everything; even the cats' feces. But jacob's been a good boy by not doing the latter, so Esme decided to get him a bag of Beggin' Strips as a reward.
"Didn't Charlie give him a bag of Snausages last week?", asked Rosalie.
"Jake's been a good boy.", Esme replied. "He hasn't raided the cat box or…"
*CRASH!*
"… broke anything. It's like living with ALF."
They heard footsteps running and a strange man dashed into the kitchen. It was The Goof (the one who fears zombie hookers.
"BACON, BACON, BACON!", The Goof shouted.
Then Jacob ran in and before phasing, declared "MINE, BITCH!"
So they pulled at the Beggin' Strips bag, growling like animals. Then jake lifted his leg at The Goof and pissed.
The Goof screamed but didn't let go of the bag. Edward and Bella walked in, freshly fed thanks to some deer that smelled delicious. So delicious that the pair were messy about it.
"What in the hell is going on here?", asked Bella.
The Goof looked up at Bella and Edward covered in deer blood and screamed like a girl. He then let go of the bag, got on the floor in a fetal position, sucking his thumb and muttering something about "zombie hookers".
Jacob phased back into a human. "HA, BITCH!"
"Get this idiot out of here.", Esme commanded. Edward took The Goof outside, picked him up by one arm and one leg, and flung him out of Forks.
"Now when the fuck do I get a fucking line in this story?", Edward asked.
Rosalie looked over by the door. "Uh… what is that, Dogbreath?"
She pointed to a box. Jacob went over and opened the box. He pulled out a stuffed pink panda.
"I brought it for Nessie. It used to be mine when I was a little boy."
Edward looked at the bear. It was the one in Alice's vision and that the three cats would speak of. Then he saw something written on the box.
YO!
TOLD YA CHOW WAS COMING TO FORKS.
DARTH VADER IS MORE CUDDLY. SO IS BUTTERCUP… AND THAT BLUE DINOSAUR I HAD SINCE I WAS A KITTEN. I LIKE STUFFED ANIMALS.
ENJOY CHOW!
-LOVE,SOCKO
Edward got a look on his face. "I can see it now. Carlisle is going to be pissed again."
"When did he stop being pissed?", asked Bella.
They all stared at Chow, who suddenly opened his eyes.
"Ya trying to make me mad? Because you're succeeding! TAKE A PICTURE! IT LASTS LONGER!
A/N: Socko loves stuffed animals. I know Animal Crossing characters are supposed to be like real animals, but decided to make them more like toys come to life (think more like Ted than Toy Story…god how I hate Toy Story! Buzz Light Year makes me wanna puke).
That's about all you need to know for Chapter 2.
Chapter 3 is coming soon!