I

I was not sure what I was thinking when I was writing this.

Man, it was 1:00 in the morning when I thought this up.

OH WELL.

The city. A sprawling, industrial cesspool of crime and villainy. Dirty buildings and rusting metal surround the heap of evil. As if that wasn't bad enough, a rare disease had once stirred within, taking many lives while leaving behind wretched human beings.

The Kaibutsu, a group of infected high schoolers hung out on the sidewalk, the Rust disease's trademark white hair fluttering in the breeze. They waited for a potential mark to steal from; why would they rob people, you may ask? Well, the split personalities that came with the disease urged them to do so, and they thought it was cool.

To summarize, they do this for shits and giggles.

Then, skipping toward them was Oreko, a young girl that often wears a SCUBA helmet, innocently heading to her doom. Or, at the very least, the doom of of her pocket change. "La, lala, lala..." she stopped her joyous humming upon seeing the group of albino thugs.

Gabe, the only male of the gang, walked up to her, intimidating the poor girl. "Hey, SCUBA freak, got any money on you?"

"Y-yes, but..." she pulled out a few meager dollars. "I was going to use these to b-buy fish crackers..."

He snatched the money from her hands. "Yeah, whatever." He looked at the loot appraisingly. "Hmf. This isn't enough to buy as all good tea..."

Carrie, one of the girls behind him, stared at the money and frowned. "Gabe, those are US dollars."

"...What...?" He glared at the helmet girl, who quaked in her dress. "Why the hell do you even have this? We're in Japan, damnit!"

"I-I'm sorry that the author doesn't know proper monetary values and currency!"

"...Say what?"

"Th-that's all I have, l-leave me alone!"

"We know you got more than that, girly!" the other girl shouted; unfortunately, I do not know her fan given name, so let's call her Ib. "Wha- that's not my name! And that's not even the right game!"

Well your name is Ib now. Live with it.

She decided to ignore my idiotic actions. "Look, we know you've got more! Hand it over!"

"I don't..." Oreko nervously pleaded. "Please go away!"

"Stop right there, assholes!" an abrasive female voice called out.

"We won't let you bully this girl any longer!" a boy shouted.

"What? Who are you? Show yourselves!" Ib yelled.

Then, out of a dark alleyway, two other high schoolers, a boy and a girl, appeared. The girl, with Rust-infected white hair, had a black dress cut up to the knees to allow easier mobility, with a matching funeral gown masking her face. The dress had many stains on it, giving the impression that it's rusting - nobody wanted to know what the stains were. Showing only a smirk, the girl held a steel pipe in her hands. The boy had a prominent grin on his face, a ribbon with bleeding eye symbols with holes in them covering his upper face. A long brown coat trailed to the ground, his torso wrapped in bandages. He twirled a hammer in his hand, almost playfully.

"I... am the Rusted Pipe." the girl announced.

"And I am the Iron Hammer." the boy accompanied.

As if they were in a shounen anime or a Phoenix Wright game, they dramatically pointed their fingers at the Kaibutsu, with the proclamation, "We're going to kick your asses!"

The gang just stared at them in utter disdain Oreko was in excited admiration. "Wow! Real superheroes!"

Gabe sighed and facepalmed. "For the love of... I know that's you, Sabitsuki and Smile, you dumbasses!"

"Sabitsuki? Don't know who she is." the girl innocently replied. "She sounds pretty awesome though. A complete badass."

"So does this Smile character. I bet he's pretty handsome." the boy said, going along.

"Sabitsuki, you're the only one we know that also has Rust." Gabe said, pointing out her white hair. "And Smile, I can recognize your dumb grin anywhere."

The two dressed people glanced at each other before they said, "We have no idea what you're talking about."

Ib exploded. "For fuck's sake, stop playing dumb and.. what's with those stupid costumes, anyway?"

"They're superheroes!" Oreko chirped.

"Shut up." Gabe snapped before turning his attention back to them. "Look, we don't care that you're prancing around in stupid ass costumes like a bunch of chucklefucks. But you're on our turf here, so we want you to piss off!"

"Yeah, piss off!" Carrie said. The two 'superheroes' seemed unfettered by their comments.

"Hey, Gabe." Ib whispered. "You think those two chumps have money?"

The boy smirked. "Good idea. Let's find out." He pulled out a crowbar while Ib cracked her knuckles.

Carrie raised her hand as if she were in a classroom, to ask a question. "Um, should we really be taking those guys on?"

"Pfft. They're just a bunch of idiots."

Sabitsuki caught this little comment; however, she did not offer a sarcastic reply or insult. Instead, she giggled. Then, the giggling worsened and turned into laughter. Suddenly, a red liquid started to drip out of her mouth.

The members of the Kaibutsu were suddenly less confident.

Smile was calm in the sudden insanity of the moment. "You guys know better than anyone to mess with a sick girl like her." Although his expression did not change, it was suddenly more menacing.

"Haha... you... you guys do me a favor..." Then, the girl, the Rusted Pipe, looked at them with bloody red eyes full of madness. "Die for me!"

She went into a berserker rage, like a Hulk-esque hero, running at the trio of villains before they had time to react. She took Ib by surprise, whacking her across the face with the pipe. Despite her opponent already being on the ground, the split personality of the hero started beating her over and over with her rusting arm of justice(?).

"You.. you.." Gave's evil side took over, blood flowing from his eyelids. "I'm going to tear you fuckers apar-"

Tap. Tap.

Somebody tapped his shoulder. "What the fuck do you want..." Gabe said as he stupidly turned around.

He saw the wicked smile of the Iron Hammer before his namesake struck him in the face.

A bloody pipe floated in the air, its owner ceasing her attack as she regained her senses. The Rusted Pipe looked down at Ib, frowning. But then she stopped caring, not being concerned with the fact that she nearly beat a girl to death. "Hell yes, the day is saved again!"

"And it's all thanks to you." the Steel Hammer complimented.

"Nah, I'd say it was you. You did take down their stupid leader." she said, pointing at an unconscious Gabe, who probably regretted turning around in his last moments.

"Yeah, but you attacked first! You're more heroic than me!"

"Sure, but I didn't even beat up Carrie!"

Speaking of the ignored Kaibutsu, she was already running in the distance, screaming. It didn't seem that the heroes noticed, however.

"You're more heroic!"

"No, you are!"

"Bitch!"

"Dumbass!"

Meanwhile, Oreko had silently watched the ordeal go down. Although it was unseen, a tear rolled down her cheek. "This is the greatest and most traumatic day of my life."

Sabitsuki, hearing her, stopped arguing to respond. "That's good for you, kid."

"Hey, what are we doing, standing around and arguing?" Smile pointed out. "The city still needs our help - crime never sleeps!"

"You're right." she pet Oreo's head. "Stay out of trouble citizen." The vigilante picked Oreko's money out of the bleeding Gabe's pocket. "And be careful with your... why do you even have this currency? The hell's wrong with you?"

Oreko shrugged.

"Oh, whatever. There's still a bunch of criminals to be beating up. Rusted Pipe..."

"...and Iron Hammer..." Smile continued.

"Away!" they finished together, running off into the depths of the city to look for more assholes to beat up, dress and coat fluttering in the dusty winds.

"...What just happened...?" Oreko thought.

Sometimes I look into the sun and wonder, "What am I doing with my life...?". I ponder this question as the mighty rays of the sun set my eyeballs on fire.

Thanks for reading anyway. Reviews are always appreciated!