When you're dreaming with a broken heart
Then waking up is the hardest part
Bella was there. She was alive and warm and she was there with him, sitting on the beach at La Push and laughing about the latest prank Embry and Quil had played on Leah. She smiled as the sun hit her rosy cheeks, and he brushed a lock of her chocolate hair away from her face. "I love you, Bella," Jacob whispered as he leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips. She didn't retaliate, and she didn't act surprised. It was so natural, almost as if she was used to this. What she said next took his breath away. "I love you too, Jacob. I'm yours, forever."
You roll out of bed, and down on your knees
And for a moment you can hardly breathe
Jacob woke with a start, covered in sweat. The sheets were sticking to his already hot skin, and he scrambled to uncover himself. He turned, and for a second he expected her to be there next to him. But of course, he had just been dreaming again, and he could feel his heart breaking for the thousandth time.
Wondering was she really here?
Is she standing in my room?
He had been having these dreams for months now; his nights were persistently haunted by her delicate features. He could feel himself shaking, and he forced his mind to calm itself. He clenched the sheets in his hands as he silently fell to the carpeted floor. His knees dug into the rough fabric as he curled himself over, his head on the floor and his hands balled into fists, trying to press the tears away from his eyes.
No she's not.
Cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone.
It had been two years since it had happened. No one could have stopped it, and he definitely had no say in how it could have ended. The pack had been shut out of any plans and decisions; the Cullens wouldn't communicate any threats from the Volturi. He could have saved her, had he been there. Those bloodsuckers would have never seen a wolf coming, they wouldn't have expected it. They had only prepared for vampires, and a vampire was what they defeated.
When you're dreaming with a broken heart
And giving up is the hardest part
At first he had refused to accept it. He thought that Edward had lied to him, that he told him to try and ease the pain of her decision to leave and be changed. He couldn't believe it, and how could he? He saw her face every night; she was so real, and so very alive. In his dreams, the Volturi didn't exist, in fact, none of their kind did. The Cullens weren't there, and it was only him and her. She was content to lie in his arms and dream about a future with him. Sometimes, she became sad and he would become her shoulder, her rock, her strength. He would cradle her, and then her fears and sadness would be lifted away as quickly as they came.
She takes you in with her crying eyes
And all at once you have to say goodbye.
But it always ended the same. He would wake up in a sweat, heartbroken all over again, and alone. Every night, his world would crumble, and every night, he would end up where he was right now, sobbing, alone, on the floor.
Wondering would you stay my love?
Will you wake up by my side?
No she can't, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone.
He had tried everything. The most recent attempt to stay in his dreams had been an experimental sleeping pill cocktail. But of course, his body didn't react to this the way a normal human body would. Instead, he was kept awake with a headache. He was so desperate to stay with Bella.
Now do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hands
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hands?
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hands?
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my , roses in my hands?
He crawled back into bed, his strong frame barely able to pull himself up out of his grief and onto the mattress. He would have given anything, anything at all to have her back. He would give his life if it meant just one day in a heaven with her. He laid on his side, curled into a ball and trying to keep from shaking from the pain. Now he knew what it felt like for Bella, when she tried to explain the hole in her chest. It was like he couldn't breathe, without her there was no reason to live.
Would you get them if I did?
No you won't...cause you're gone, gone, gone, gone, gone.
As he closed his eyes to try and welcome sleep, all he could see was the scene that Edward had described to him so many months before. "The Volturi wanted her, they needed her power, but she wouldn't have it. She wouldn't give herself to them, and this enraged them. But they threatened us, they said they would destroy our coven if she didn't give up herself. I'm so sorry, Jacob," if Edward could have cried, this was when the tears would have flowed, "She confronted them alone. She shielded Alice from her mind and went to Italy to talk with them, but they knew if they killed her, I would give myself to them, I wouldn't have a reason to live..."
And this was where his memory always stopped Edward. He didn't want to remember how much the bloodsucker had cared for her. In Jacob's mind, he was the only one that was right for her, and no one else could feel the pain he felt inside.
It had been two years, three months, and 18 days since he had last seen Bella Swan, his Bella. He loved her until the day her heart stopped beating, and then until the end of her existence. He still loved her, and he met with her every night in his room. Sometimes it was La Push, other times it was the woods where he had carried her to safety away from Victoria, but mostly it was her lying next to him, holding him. Jacob swallowed and wished for sleep, wished to see her again. "Bella, honey..." and he drifted off into his blissful alternate reality.
When you're dreaming with a broken heart...
The waking up is the hardest part.