Summary: John and Helen have an argument
Rating: T
Pairing: Helen and John.
Disclaimer: I own nothing of Sanctuary or the characters.
SUFFERING:
John had dared to ask why she had brought him back. It was bad enough that she had to kill him, that he forced her to kill him, but now he wanted to know why. Helen had told Kate that it was compulsion; Helen was not that kind. Right now she was mad, boiling with rage at his attempt at death. Leaning in close to him, Helen's tone was angry as she whispered, "You unbelievable bastard. Do you think this is about you?" She pushed away and faced the wall. Even as she was so angry at him, his temporary death hurt her.
"Seeing as I was the one who died…" John forced himself to sit up; biting back a growl of pain. By now he thought he would be safe in the arms of death and relieved from the torment of his day to day hell.
"You forced me to kill you, you selfish bastard! Did you stop to think what that would do to me?" Helen turned and raged at him. She was normally so in control of her temper, but John had the power to enflame her passions.
"I was in pain, unimaginable torment! Forgive me for not hanging myself!" John shouted back. His momentary awe at the peace in his mind was gone, replaced by the anger he could feel coming off of Helen in waves, scalding waves. One thing could be said for Helen Magnus, when she felt an emotion she felt it to its full intensity. It was one of the things that had drawn him to her in the first place and it continued to draw him in.
"Do you honestly think that you are the only one in pain; the only one in Hell?" Helen came closer. She had never wanted to hit him so bad in all of her life. Everyday she was alive was another insult. The last thing she had wanted was longevity, wanted to outlive those she loved. Back when she and John had been together, been in love, she would have gladly stayed with him forever. But it was just a never ending curse. She was in a living Hell and one of the things to keep her grounded, keeping her sane, was the fact that John walked the Earth.
John took pause; he had to. Helen had never given any signs that she too suffered. How could she? She had her work and her life to occupy her. But then she had also had Ashley for a time before the Cabal had taken their daughter from her. "I'm sorry."
"You bastard," Helen looked into his eyes, "You are not allowed to leave this life. You can't leave me here. If I have to suffer this eternity called life then so do you!" Her temper was waning. She was tired of being angry at him, tired of being disappointed in him time and again. Helen turned her back on him. Looking into his eyes caused too much pain deep in her heart. After all these years John still had the ability to make her heart ache for him. She wanted to scream. John had his chance but his own madness drove him to destroy them.
"What would you do to leave this life?" John positioned himself close to her back and whispered low in her ear. "Would you chose someone you trusted to be the instrument of you destruction. It's why I chose you. I trusted you to kill me and leave me dead." John had just wanted it all to end. He was so tired of everything that he had done over his long life.
Helen turned sharply and shoved him away from her. John fell back against the gurney and just looked at her. "You miscalculated my hate for you. I don't hate you enough to kill you. I hate you enough to let you suffer." She had to lie. Helen didn't hate him, as much as she wanted to, she couldn't. As much as a small part would have wanted him to stay dead a larger part needed him alive. The one thing she had going for them was hope. Helen hoped that one day John could be cured of his madness. She hoped that one day that she would forgive him; that she would have the opportunity to forgive him.