Gather round, kiddos, and let me tell you the story of Hoshizora Rin's greatest mistake. And possibly her last. Nah who am I kidding, these idiots never learn.

Anyways, it started like this: the three of us were just hanging out, being bros, watching some idol videos. And then Rin pulls out this pepper. Not just any pepper, but a huge one, and insanely spicy too. Now, there are two things you need to know about Hoshizora Rin: One, she hates spicy things, and two, she likes to challenge herself. In short, Hoshizora Rin is a fool.

So she pulls out this pepper, right, and she's smelling it. Taking in the sweet fragrance of spicy death. Honoka and I look at her, then look at each other, and realize what we have to do. We have to save her.

"Rin, man, I don't think you should eat that pepper," I said.

"Just come over here and watch these videos with us," Honoka said. "We have some bread and tomatoes, you can eat those instead."

Rin didn't listen. "Oh, this one's gonna be hoooooooot." She was still smelling the pepper. "It's gonna be reeeeeeeeeeeeally hot."

"Seriously, Rin."

"Please, Rin."

Our pleas fell on deaf ears. With a huge grin, Rin chomped down on the pepper. Honoka and I held our breath, waiting to see if she would explode. Seconds ticked by. Her chewing slowed down, her eyes watering. Honoka shook her head and sighed. We lost a good soldier this day, I could almost hear her say. We lost a good one.

"So how is it?" I asked.

"I-it's fine," Rin said, totally not lying. "It-it just comes at you in waves, you know? It's, um, it's uh, good. Kinda. Wouldn't-wouldn't say h-hot, necessarily, just, uh."

"You want any help?"

Honoka was about to get up. I put my hand on her shoulder to keep her down. This was Rin's mission now. We had to trust her. We had to stay with her until the very end.

"Rin," I said. "How's that pepper?"

"I-i-i-I'm starting to r-regret—maybe I should have, uh, should have rethought-" Rin coughed. Her face was beginning to turn red, the pepper shaking in her trembling hand. "Oh, oh, this is- this is- why did I do this, oh, oh no-"

"Are you sure you're okay?" Honoka asked again. Rin was too far gone to answer.

"Thi-this is just, just not of this earth, I can't—I need s-s-s-s-s-something, an, an, an ambulance or, or—" Rin wiped her face with her hand. She was sweating badly now. "OH god, i-it's like a local arsonist is s-setting fire to my throat and, and the fire department is not on duty!"

I popped another tomato in my mouth, never taking my eyes off of the blabbering Rin. She was going downhill fast. I should have timed this. Or at least filmed it.

Rin shouted out in anguish. "Oh! Fire men are needed here! Fire men are needed here!" Tears were streaming down her face. "I-I need something, anything, please-"

Honoka threw the loaf of bread at Rin's face. It landed with a loud slap. Rin scrambled to find the opening, shoving a handful of bread in her mouth.

"Oh, this just made it worse, this is awful, it's like, like a desert fire now, oh god, oh man-"

This was the beginning of the end. There was no saving her now, and while I don't know what final thoughts Rin had at the end of her journey, I for one accepted it.

"Maybe this will help," I said, throwing tomatoes at her head.

"OH, THIS IS SO HOT" she cried. Tomatoes landed around her with dull thuds. "THIS IS FOR YOU MAKI, THIS IS FOR YOU!"

With one final cry, she slid down the seat and onto the floor. Bread and tomatoes and one spicy, spicy pepper surrounded her prone body. She had been slain.

"Well," Honoka said.

"Well," I agreed. I handed her a tomato.

And that, my dear friends, is the end. Hoshizora Rin died as she lived, full of hubris and cat puns. We will forever honor her memory. And remember, kids, when Nozomi hands you a pepper, do not, under any circumstances, accept it. Unless you have a video camera with you.

Thank you.