By ChibiQuatre (6/29/00)
Yet another GW disclaimer: well, do you all REALLY want me to write a disclaimer?! We all know that I don't own GW (though God KNOWS I wish I did!). The GW boyz r'nt mine, never were, never will b. They are owned by their respective creators; Sunrise, There...happy!!! ((oh, and any trouble translating the japanese, I'll b happy to help!))
*NOTE: this is a Heero/Relena ficcie, done from a 3rd person narrative. all i'm gonna say is, it has a little 2 do with dreams. i don't even know why i have a thing for nightmares n dreams in fics ^^ i just think they're kewl. oh ya, and there isn't yaoi in it, except MAYBE a teeny tiny bit if u interpret it that way. it can be read as yaoi or not yaoi, it's up 2 u. and pleez r&r!
Heero tossed and turned in his bed.
From the open doorway, Relena could see him clearly.
She wanted to walk over to him and comfort him, wake him up from the
disturbing dream.
But she knew that he would probably turn her away.
Like always.
She sighed and closed the door behind her.
* * *
Breakfast was always her favorite time of day.
She herself was a sunny person, like Duo, but more like Quatre.
She smiled and placed the spread on the dinner tray, preparing to carry it in to
the pilots. They had worked so hard and now it was time to relax for a while.
Relena was actually glad she invited them to her mansion. It was quite near
Quatre's, but they had all been over to his estate so many times before. She
didn't know how the blond could handle all the pilots for so long. So this time,
she would treat.
Quatre had come up to her the night before, thanking her for her generosity. And
silently thanking her for not making him put up with Duo's messy habits.
Ah, Duo, the great trickster himself. The braided boy was always getting himself
into a troublesome but hilarious situation.
Relena carried the tray into the breakfast room. The five pilots were seated in
various positions around the table. Quatre at the far end, Trowa to his left, then
Duo, and across from the tall pilot, Wufei, and Heero across from Shinigami.
Together, they were keeping up a fairly cheerful chatter. Well, mostly
Relena put the tray down and took her seat between Heero and Duo, laughing
as Duo tried get the two sullen boys on the other side of the table to talk to him.
He had already received a punch in the soldier for eavesdropping on Quatre and
Trowa's conversation, and turned to annoy Wufei and Heero.
She liked them best when they were like this. Well, the Chinese and Japanese
pilots could be a little more responsive, but all and all this was good.
By the time she had loaded her plate with food, the energetic Duo had finished
with more than half of his breakfast. He was chomping it down faster than the
eye could see, and still pleading for more. All around the table, jaws had
dropped and all five pairs of eyes had locked on Duo's rapidly disappearing
meal.
With a proud smack, Duo smiled widely. "Seconds, anyone?" he asked before
heaping more food on his plate. Everyone laughed, even if it was only a chuckle.
The American was good at relieving stress and tension. Heero had snickered,
"Baka."
"Thanks for a wonderful breakfast," Quatre commented brightly at the end of the
meal. I smiled. "Compliments to the chef," Duo said. Wufei smiled.
That Maxwell.
Towards noontime, things got a little slow. The pilots were itching for some
action, any action at all. The pilots, specifically Duo, Heero, and Wufei, were
getting especially restless.
"Hey, Wu-man!" Duo called from across the living room. Wufei glared at him.
"Don't call me that," he muttered under his breath.
"I challenge you to a duel!"
Wufei brightened up. "You, Maxwell? You challenge me?? I could beat you
blindfolded, with one hand tied behind my back."
Duo smiled. "You're on." With that, Wufei provided some katana swords that
were lying around the house. Quatre led Trowa outside, where the duel would
take place. They would have spectators. "Ready, start!" the blond dictated.
Soon enough, there was the loud sound of sword clashing with sword.
Heero sat on the couch, still inside the mansion, listening to the noisy duel. After
a minute, he muttered a bored "Excuse me," and went up to his room, leaving
the blond girl alone in the armchair.
She sighed. It never failed. She could never keep up with Heero's silence. It was
awkward. The pilot was too much of a soldier to relax, even when on vacation.
Relena pushed herself up from the chair and made her way into the kitchen. She
absently fixed a few snacks and placed them on a serving tray.
She travelled up the stairs and stopped outside of Heero's room. She leaned her
ear against the door, picking up the faint sounds of a computer keyboard,
clacking away. The soldier was at work again.
Laughter from Duo and Wufei's duel travelled up the stairs. The other pilots
were so happy, but Heero, he seemed so sad. Lonely actually.
Standing outside of Heero's door, she remembered her journey last night. On
her way back from the living room, she had slipped Heero's door open a little to
see him tossing violently in bed. He was presumably having a nightmare.
Relena gathered her courage and knocked on the door. There was no reply.
"Heero," she called. "It's Relena. If you'd like, I've made snacks. They're
downstairs in the kitchen."
Still hearing no response, she made her way downstairs with a smaller tray.
When she opened the door that led to the yard, the silence of the house
disappeared as the noisy laughter and loud cheering floated into the room.
She stepped outside, carrying the tray. For a little plate, it carried a lot of food on
it. Relena was expecting Duo's ravenous appetite. She wasn't disappointed.
As soon as she appeared on the yard, Duo caught sight of her. In the middle of a
swing, he dropped the sword, momentum carrying it farther and landing it before
Wufei's feet. "Maxwell!" he cried, angry at Duo's wantonness.
Duo had pranced to Relena and taken a large handfull of snacks. Promptly, he
dropped to the grass beside a happy Trowa and Quatre, breathing the food
down.
Quatre watched with wide eyes. "Duo, you should really, anou, uh, slow down,
buddy." Duo opened one violet eye at Quatre but showed no other sign of
relenting. Wufei was still glaring. Quatre turned around to face the angry
Chinese boy.
"Ne, Wufei, calm down." Nataku's pilot sighed, dropped his sword, and walked
towards Relena, also taking a handfull of snacks. "Well, if Maxwell needs a
break," he taunted, his mouth full.
Relena laughed. It was fun watching the pilots relax. Trowa and Quatre had
moved to the other side of the yard and were sitting under the oak tree.
Meanwhile, nearby, Duo seemed to be silently challenging Wufei to a staring
contest, one that the Chinese boy was distinctly refusing to participate in.
"If you guys need more food, it's in the kitchen," Relena announced. From
across the yard, Quatre nodded his comprehension. Duo made no apparent
movement, obviously determined to stare an uncooperative Wufei into defeat.
It was working; no longer was it a contest. Duo had managed to unnerve Wufei
with his constant, wide-eyed, watchful stare.
Stifling a giggle, Relena stepped back into the house. She went to the kitchen to
reload her snack tray, fully intending to join the four pilots outside. When she
opened the kitchen doors, she almost dropped her tray in surprise.
Heero was standing at the counter, absently chewing a finger-sandwich.
"Heero!" she gasped. He looked at her. "I didn't expect you in here."
"You said I could have a snack," he countered coldly. He was eyeing her
suspiciously. She smiled, "Hai."
She brushed past him to reach the sandwiches. "Would you like to join us?" she
asked, having reloaded the tray. "The duel will be continuing about now."
He huffed a moment before consenting with a curt nod and following her outside.
The laughter was still just as loud as before, even though Trowa and Quatre
were on the other side of the yard. Most of the noise was coming from Duo, who
seemed to have consumed all his finger-foods and soda. He had proceeded to
taunt Wufei, still chewing indifferently on his food, trying desperately to ignore
the American. "Come on, Wu-man. Give it all you've got! I dare ya...Hey, bet u
can't beat me. Not here with the duel, not on the battlefield in our Gundams!"
Although it was only a taunt, Wufei choked hard on his soda. "What did you say,
Maxwell?!" he asked, his face turning an angry shade of scarlet.
Duo smirked, knowing that Wufei had been insulted. "That's right," he teased.
"You couldn't beat me. I'm the great Shinigami!" Duo cried with a maniacal
cackle.
"That's it!" Wufei jumped up, storming towards the dropped and temorarily
forgotten katanas. He grabbed his weapon with a growl. "Let's go," he snarled.
Only now did Duo realize the damage he'd done. "Eh, hold on there Wu-man!"
Staring in at the predicament, it seemed pretty funny. Over in the far corner, a
chuckling Trowa was trying to calm Quatre, who was laughing continuously.
Relena was stifling her giggles, concealing them fairly well.
Only Heero wasn't laughing. He seemed not to find anything funny. He turned
towards the tray of mini-sandwiches and took a few, munching on them as he
walked towards the opposite unoccupied corner of the yard.
Relena took one last fleeting glance at the dueling pair, then turned and followed
Heero. They needed to talk.
She would get to the bottom of this.
Just as the Arabian pilot had done, Heero picked a seat under the shade of a
large oak tree. He seemed to be content on spending the afternoon alone.
There was nothing about that pilot that surprised Relena. He was perfect, in
battle and out -- the Perfect Soldier, as he was commonly called. Among the
pilots, he was the most uncaring and fought with a sense that everyone around
him was an enemy. He was a ruthless attacker; it fit him perfectly. They, the
Doctors, had trained him well.
A little too well.
Heero no longer enjoyed the smell of flowers on a summer day, much like this
one. Or if he did, he showed no sign of recognition. All emotion had been wiped
out; all that was left was his intense need to battle.
Relena carried herself closer and closer towards Heero, finally arriving in front of
him. He looked up, questioning her with his eyes. "What do you want?" he asked
in his gruff manner.
Not even his tone surprised her anymore, not once she knew what to expect.
"Heero-san, may I sit here?" she asked, gesturing to the ground beside him.
He huffed. "Do what you wish."
She obliged. After a moments silence, she spoke again. "Heero?"
"Hn."
"What do you dream?"
"Nani?" Heero's momentarily peaceful face froze into his hardened soldier-mask.
This time, Relena was startled to have gotten such a reaction out of Heero. She
had expected a response, but not this one.
She had been curious ever since she found him having a nightmare the night
before. It had seemed quite horrible.
"Heero, what do you dream?" she asked again.
He was silent for so long that she believed he wasn't going to answer. His eyes
remained transfixed on the swishing katana swords as he spoke.
"Blood."
"What?" Relena was shocked. Had she heard correctly?
"Blood. I dream of battles and fighting and blood. Gruesome, gory wars, where
we never win. I can't ever stop the bloodshed; Death always claims another
victim." Heero turned to her. "Does that surprise you?"
She replied honestly, "A little."
"Why is that?"
"Why am I surprised at all? Or why does it surprise me so little?"
"Both."
Relena closed her eyes and leaned against the tree trunk. Heero had to turn his
head to see her. "Dreams aren't supposed to be filled with fighting and
bloodshed, even for a person such as yourself. Dreams are meant to be sweet
and soothing, a place where one can retaliate in his sleep. That's why I was
even surprised."
She stood up with the empty serving tray and left him under the shade to ponder
her reply. She stepped into the house, carefully avoiding the rapidly moving
dueling pair. It had been after she turned her face towards the kitchen window
that the hand came from behind and landed on Relena's shoulder.
She jumped, dropping the serving tray with a loud 'clang.' She turned around to
face Heero.
He's very quiet, she thought. "Heero, you startled me." She bent over to pick up
the tray.
"You never answered the second part of my question."
She smiled as she stood up and turned back towards the window. "Oh Heero,"
she said. "Nothing surprises me much anymore. When you've seen what I've
seen, you'll understand. Everything has been so routine around here; you pilots
are the first interesting thing that's happened to me in a long while."
"So, what does any of this have to do with dreams?"
"Ah. Dreams, as I said before, are supposed to be soothing. A dream is your
brain's way of organizing memories of the day when you're sleeping. Same with
nightmares. Technically, you dream what you experience, although one also
dreams what he wants most."
Heero shook his head. "I don't want bloodshed, Relena."
"You dream of fighting because you do so much of it during the day. Your brain
is just organizing your actions, maybe even tweaking them a bit to show the final
result or what could have been different."
"Or what could have gone wrong?"
The blond girl nodded. "Hai, even what mistakes could have arisen."
Heero eyed at her suspiciously. "How do you know so much about dreams and
such?"
"Heero, I have dreams too, you know," she laughed, then continued visionarily.
"Only, I dream of what could be; I dream of the future, Heero. The future of the
nations, the future of the colonies, the future of the entire universe. I plan for the
security and prospectivity of space and Earth as one. Such is the nature of my
dreams."
"Demo, don't you ever get nightmares?"
"Hai, sometimes I too dream of what could have gone wrong, what accidents my
decisions as a peaceful ruler have caused. Sometimes, they're all too real. In my
nightmares, my friends have gone, my nation has been reduced to nothing, and
my brother, my only family, has been taken."
She stopped. Heero was looking at her again, but in a different way. Like he
respected her, admired her in a melancholy way for her method of thinking.
"Heero, where is this leading? First, you talk of surprises, then dreams, and now
nightmares."
Cobalt eyes turned downwards. "I -- I had a nightmare last night."
Ah, sou ka. This was what he wanted to say.
Something was wrong. He never talked to her. Never. She had only hoped to get
a few words out of him; she had never intended to make a speech about dreams
and nightmares. Even less had she expected to confront him about his obviously
disturbing nightmare.
"I know," she answered softly.
"What?! How do you..."
She blushed and turned away hastily. "I didn't mean to, I just wanted to see if
you were alright. So I peeked in your door and you looked like you were having
a nightmare. Gomen, I didn't mean to."
Heero had his guard up again. After her admittance, she thought he wasn't going
to tell her his nightmare after all.
But he began, surprising her yet again.
"I was piloting the Wing Gundam, here on Earth. It felt like I was looking for a
battle, but I wasn't. I was trying to escape it all." He took a deep breath and
plunged further into the story.
"Suddenly, Wing exploded mysteriously and I landed, on my feet, in front of your
doorstep, Relena." He looked at me. His eyes had taken on an intense, faraway
look, but they still managed to see through me. "You were there too, in the
doorway. But somehow, as I stepped past you in the doorway, I found myself in
the cockpit of the Wing Zero Gundam, fighting amries and armies of mobile
dolls. After they had all been destroyed, the cockpit transposed itself from that of
Wing Zero to that of Epyon.
"I could feel myself losing control over the system, Relena, I could feel it so
clearly. It was as if it was really happening. And before I could even think of
stopping it, my Gundam had attacked your mansion, this very one."
Heero's voice grew colder and more distant as his tale drew to an end. "I tried to
stop the Gundam, but nothing would work. The controls, the computers, nothing
would respond to my commands. It was like the Gundam was thinking for itself,
lost in a destructive rampage.
"I could hear you calling me, begging me for help, and I tried to shield you from
the falling debris. But the moment I reached out for you, the Gundam suddenly
disappeared -- it just dissolved into thin air -- and I fell to the ground, too far
away to push you out of harms path and too insignificant to shield you."
The pilot suddenly snapped back to reality as his story finished. He looked at
me, suddenly more somber than I had ever seen him. "And you died, Relena."
His voice was pained. "You didn't do anything. You couldn't do anything. I just
saw your eyes before the rocks buried you; you looked straight at me, as if
commending me for a job well done."
"Heero..." I whispered. How sad. This was the plague that was haunting the
young pilot; his fear of the death of those he cares for. Including me.
The pilot looked at her helplessly. "I couldn't do anything, Relena. It was like I
was powerless."
So that was his fear! Heero had to be in control, had to have commanding
power. He was afraid of being stripped of that authoritative dominion. Without
that, Heero was not the strong-willed, stony soldier he was today.
"Heero, nobody is powerless if they have the will to control power. You have a
strong will. It doesn't bend, not even under the hottest fires. You think control
makes you who you are. But sometimes, you need to relax; let go once in a
while. Losing control doesn't make you any less of a soldier, Heero. For
instance, just look at Duo."
Outside the window, one could easily make out the silhouette of the braided
pilot, prancing across the lawn in a victory dance. Maybe Duo wasn't the ideal
example, but it still looked like he had defeated the proud Wufei. "Duo is at the
other end of the spectrum. He lets loose all control he ever has. Quatre is over
on that half of the spectrum. Wufei and Trowa are near your half, but neither of
them is as in need of as much control as you are. They're learning to let go."
Heero listened to her well. He stared out the window at his friends. He saw
Trowa laughing with the blond Arabian under the shade. He saw Wufei smile, a
genuine smile, as he cornered the laughing American with his katana, and then
let him go in a friendly wave of his sword.
He saw everything that he was missing.
There was a whole world waiting for Heero. It had always been waiting for him,
but he had always turned away.
No more turning away, Heero decided.
And Relena smiled as she saw the smile, slow and deliberate, spreading across
Heero's face.
* * *
Quatre's jaw dropped as he saw Heero and Relena emerge from the house...
Laughing??
Trowa followed his friend's gaze and stopped laughing as he spotted them as
well.
"What the..." Quatre heard Duo from across the yard.
Duo had dropped his sword, and Wufei had stopped his dueling to stare as well.
Relena ignored them and led Heero back to the shady tree they had sat under
earlier that afternoon. She was still laughing, although Heero had calmed down
a little.
On the other side of the yard, Trowa whispered to Quatre, "What happened?"
Quatre shrugged.
Duo commented softly, "I think Heero's gone craaaaazy, Wu-man." He received
a quick slap on the back of his head. "Baka. And don't call me that." He
chuckled.
* * *
They enjoyed another wonderful dinner.
Most of it was finished off by Duo. His appetite never seemed satiated.
They were seated in their various locations around the table, just as they had
been at breakfast.
Another routine Relena had to go through.
But routine could be broken.
They were all joking much more than usual. And laughing.
Duo was the life of the party. His antics were causing a riot; the gentle Arabian
almost fell out of his chair before Wufei caught his arm. Trowa laughed with the
Chinese boy as Quatre burst out into an embarrassed blush.
On the other end of the table, Duo was warily eyeing me and Heero, neither of
us laughing, but smiling nonetheless. "Ne, uh, what exactly happened at
lunchtime?"
Relena looked at the violet-eyed boy. He might be able to understand. Before
she could answer, Heero replied. "I crossed the spectrum."
I smiled at Heero. Duo's wide-eyed look conveyed confusion. "Uh, sure
whatever," the American said.
From Heero's seat, I heard a chuckle.
~OWARI~
how was it? like it?? i hope so. sowwie if the peeps seem a little out of character. i was just tryin 2 get my point across. what was my point, u ask? well, i'll just let u figure it out this time. oyasumi, and jaaa! ^_~
p.s. pleez don'g forget 2 rate n review!!
ChibiQuatre @ tigerlily6c@aol.com