Story set to the song by Sarah McLachlan: "Song For A Winter's Night."
Lister sat himself at the empty table, the cold room of the Copacabana Cocktail Bar. He was feeling in a solitary mood after the events of their trip back to Earth, he wanted to be alone, he wanted time to think.
He'd had a chance to get Kochanski, he could have been with her forever in his dreams, where he'd be happy, feel loved, where she wouldn't have dumped and left him, so why wasn't he missing her? Why wasn't he desperate to feel her touch again? Desperate to kiss her lips?
His mind had been wandering ever since they were in that Carbug together, driving towards forever, when suddenly he was pulled back to reality, back to Red Dwarf, Rimmer, Kryten and the Cat.
Only Lister knew the real reason behind his choice to not stay within his dreams and be with Kochanski, only him. Pulling out a chair and sitting down at the empty table, Lister lit his cigarette and took a drag, the smoke filled the air around him, as odd as it was this place provided him with a certain amount of privacy and contentment.
Kryten and the Cat knew whenever he came here, all he wanted was some time alone and they made sure they were well clear of it, after all, each of the 'Boys from the Dwarf' needed some time to themselves.
Rimmer on the other hand would come and go as he pleased. But then he wouldn't have his Rimmer any other way. He shook his head, slightly, why did he always refer to this Rimmer as his?
The Rimmer who'd gone off to be Ace had returned only a couple of years ago, the re-creation Rimmer of nano-bots, that he'd spent some good times within the 'Tank' had died tragically when he failed to return from a scouting mission on a deserted planet, they'd found his dead body miles away from Starbug with no shows of harm, just dead.
Kryten thought the nano-bots which so easily created him, had decided to end his existence just as easily, though that was sceptical, the nano-bots were nowhere to be seen, it would always remain a mystery, one that Lister would never forgive himself for, he'd asked Rimmer to go on his own and he'd paid the price.
So when his Rimmer returned as Ace and had decided it definitely wasn't the life for him, that he was going to break the chain and came clean to Kryten and the Cat, Lister felt slightly at ease with the Rimmer the nano-bots had created. He felt like he'd got his arm or leg back, Holly was right, Rimmer did keep him sane, the years between nano - Rimmer's death and the when his Rimmer had returned seemed so long and desperate.
Shifting a little in his chair, Lister put out his cigarette and rested his chin on his folded arms on the table.
"Holly, play some music." He spoke aloud. Dancing music suddenly filled the air, the disco balls came on and Lister sat up. It wasn't what he was in the mood for, "Holly, play something else."
"What do you want Dave?" The computer voice returned.
"I dunno, how 'bout something…Slower, something you like."
"I have several preferences to music Dave; all listed in the slow section, funeral music slow, death metal slow, elephants on parade slow…"
"I dunno, just put on something really…Sad love song slow."
"Okay let me look for something…" Holly said and went quiet. Lister sighed, waiting, thinking back to that moment in Carbug again, to outside Carbug when he said to Kochanski that he'd get her back.
Who was he fooling? Himself? He had come to realise over the past few months since then, that he didn't actually love her, he didn't want her. He wanted someone else, someone he'd wanted for a long time now.
"Lister?" Rimmer's voice suddenly filled the room and Lister sat up, looking across as the disco balls sent dancing lights slowly across his form.
"What is it smeg-head?" He asked, sitting back and trying to make out he was young again.
Rimmer smirked, inwardly. He loved when Lister played the cocky young guy he used to be, the memories – even though they be full mostly of arguments – always made him smile. Crossing the room, Rimmer sat down opposite his long term friend and gripped his hands on the table in front of him.
"What are you doing in here…Again?" Rimmer asked.
"What do you mean again?"
"You've spent the last three nights in and out of here; I'm starting to think your not enjoying my company?"
"I don't live here Rimmer…"
"No, but your making a pretty good job of acting like you are."
"Oh come off…" Lister sighed, leaning his head back and covering his face with his hands.
"Lister, I've seen decaying Christmas tree's spending more time in our quarters than you do."
"So I've taken to the old disco ball and chain again, gotta live it now man."
"Lister, if this was back when we first became bunk mates I'd have not given a rat's bottom about whether you stayed out all night in this wreck, but as it stands I've got to know you a lot better and I've grown up a little and you know you can't hide things from me anymore. I can tell when something's on your mind Listy, speak."
"There's nothing TO tell, I just fancy getting out them four walls a bit more…" Truth was if he spent any more time with Rimmer, he'd probably end up confessing his darkest secret and he knew Rimmer wouldn't respond the way Lister wanted him to, no matter how hard he tried.
Sighing, Rimmer unclasped his hands and folded his arms over as he leant against the table. "Kryten and the Cat are starting to worry about you, you know."
"Oh really?" Lister spoke as if he really could care less.
"Yes really." He paused; knowing the next words to come out of his mouth would possibly change the course of their relationship forever. "I…I happened to be discussing you with a certain Mechanoid the other day, he told me that once, a while ago, you dreamt about me."
Lister's face dropped, instantly, in fact if it dropped anymore it'd be on the deck. "What?" He tried to cover. "What do you mean man, c'mon…"
"Tell me the truth Listy…You dreamt about me…And you…Well that I'd come back and you and I exchanged…A kiss." Rimmer was a little shy of the initial prospect of saying the words to his face, but now he'd said them, he could probably do it again without hesitation.
Lister laughed out hard, for a long moment, uninterrupted, before he slowed and finally stopped, leaning back in the chair with one hand fiddling with a bit of paper on the table, his eyes not looking up at Rimmer's. For a moment there was silence, finally the moment had come for Lister to tell Rimmer how he truly felt, yet for all the times he'd imagined this moment inside of his head, it wasn't quite shaping up to turn out how he wanted it to. 'Sod it…' he thought, 'Now or never…'
"I did dream about you, in fact I spent weeks pining for you…I dreamt you came back, told me you were never gonna leave, promised to stay and then…We kissed."
"What happened then?"
"I woke up." His eyes finally looked at Rimmer's.
Rimmer was blushing slightly, this was the most awkward moment he'd ever felt in his entire life, he wanted desperately to say something macho, but he didn't. He stared at Lister.
"Truth is Rimmer, I don't think I ever stopped missing you, even after the stupid ride Kryten created about you, even after the nano you was made, it was always you I wanted…" He got up and walked around. "The truth is Rimmer…" He paused a moment as he looked back at him slowly, the whole moment seeming to pass in slow motion. "The truth is…I love you, I have done from the moment we first met up again after three million years. I didn't realize though, till you'd gone and I knew you weren't coming back. I thought I loved Chrissie, but it was projectile love, I projected my love on to her because I was secretly pining for you all these years." He leant back against a chair watching Rimmer's shocked expression. "When we went back to Earth, you remember when I spoke to Chrissie?"
Rimmer simply nodded.
"She asked me if I'd kissed her in my dreams, I said yes, she asked me if it was good, I told her I never wanted to wake up…Rimmer I…I was thinking about you." Tears were forming in his eyes, why the hell was he being so sentimental, Rimmer probably wanted to kill him.
Suddenly the music slowly began to kick in, a woman began singing after a moment, there was nothing but silence between him and Rimmer.
The lamp is burning, low, upon my table top, snow is softly falling…
Rimmer stood up, his blue uniform glimmering in the light of the disco balls. The music had been chosen by him, Holly had left for the evening. Crossing the room, Rimmer moved to Lister, he stood in front of him, just staring for a moment as the music kept playing.
"I love you Lister." He finally whispered Lister broke down; his sobs draining as Rimmer pulled his head to his chest and held it there, his arm around him, comforting him. "I've loved you from the moment I met you…I just didn't dare say it."
Lister's arms encircled his waist, for a few long moments they stayed like that, just holding each other in comfort as the music played slowly in the background. After a moment, Lister pulled back and Rimmer looked to him, this time their kiss was not forced, their lips met slowly and passionately, their kiss lasting eternity, enjoyed by both.
His Rimmer, his wonderful Rimmer was home in his heart.
Once their kiss broke, the music faded and then started again from the beginning.
"Am I dreaming?" Lister asked, looking up into his eyes. Rimmer shook his head, leaning in to whisper. "If you are, I am too."
Lister never wanted this moment to end; they kissed once more, their love turning slowly into passion, the words of the song hitting their hearts respectively. Pushing him back slowly, Lister pushed him down on to a table, his back lying down against the cool metal.
Rimmer was too lost in his touch to care, their desire for each other was endless, their movements justified in every touch and whisper, tonight, right here, they would make love for the first time, but not the last.
Hope you liked my first Red Dwarf Fic!
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