Disclaimer: Despite the fact that I always forget this thing, I don't own Harry Potter. Really, I don't.
A/N: I'm just in the posting mood this week! There will be more than one chapter on this one, because I know how this ends!
A Matter of Engagement
"How is it," Harry asked Hermione mournfully, "that when a maniac is out after my life, you do everything you can to make sure I'm not dead, but when he's dead you completely lose all regard for my wish to avoid life-and-death situations?"
"Oh, stop complaining." Hermione said exasperatedly, slamming the car door shut behind her. "You're going."
She crossed her arms over her chest and stared out the front window as Harry started the car.
"You look lovely." Harry said, casting her a look out of the corner of his eye. Her narrowed brown eyes were fixed solely on the road. He pulled out of her driveway, still glancing at her hopefully. His face fell into a rebellious scowl as he began to drive (slowly) down the street.
"Flattery gets you no where in life, Potter." she informed him flatly. He stopped for a red light and glowered furiously at the extravagantly dressed couple in the flashy sports car next to them.
"My teeth are just perfect, Hermione."
"And conceit won't, either." The cars behind him were emitting loud, long honks. "The light's turned, Harry."
Sulkily, Harry turned left and continued down the street.
"I'm not being conceited and I'm not flattering you. You happen to be my fiancée, if you've forgotten, and I'm perfectly in my right to compliment you whenever I want."
"And as your future wife," Hermione said irritably, "I'm perfectly in my right to ask you to do something for my father."
"Your father who has attempted to murder me every time I visit." Harry muttered sourly, "And I don't reckon his having dangerous weapons of torture-- "
"I've told you about a thousand times that a toothbrush could hardly give you a scratch, much less the instrument he uses to scrape plaque off your teeth--"
"...having me alone--"
"You won't be alone, you git, there's several very capable secretaries in the office, not to mention my mother and I--"
`"... and me being strapped to a chair will do anything to keep me out of the grave."
Hermione gaped at him in utter disbelief.
"You are a coward." she said finally, "There's nothing to be worried about. Absolutely nothing."
Harry snorted and braked for another light. There was a long silence. Or it was intended to be a silence, but Harry's jaw was working rather too hard for it to be quiet, and then, of course, the silence was properly broken.
"Are you chewing gum?" Hermione demanded, seizing his jaw and wrenching his mouth open. "Spit it out!"
He made a face at her.
"It's sugarless."
"So they say." Hermione pulled a tissue from the box by her feet and promptly plucked the offending piece of gum from Harry's tongue. She wadded it up and tossed it into the bag she had insisted Harry place in his car for trash. This did nothing for Harry's mood as he pulled his face away from her grip.
"If you're so certain that I have nothing to worry about, how come you're biting your lip?" Hermione hastily reeled her teeth and licked her lip with her tongue.
"I don't know what you're talking about." she said, though she flushed in a very telltale fashion. He snorted again.
"I've always said you need to learn not to blush when you lie." Harry said, in an unabashedly patronizing tone. She scowled at him and sniffed.
"I still don't see why I have to go." Harry said in something bordering dangerously on a whine. "You said my teeth are perfect yourself! Stop doing that, will you, you're making me feel nervous!"
She released her lip from her teeth again.
"I have a biased opinion." she informed him, drumming her fingers on the armrest.
Harry ground his teeth and counted to three, before he gave up on trying to be patient and trapped her fingers underneath his, stopping that impossibly annoying noise.
"Your nervous habits will be the end of me." he growled, "And don't make to have to keep your lip out of your teeth myself!"
"How're you going to manage that one?" she challenged, her eyes dancing mischievously. He parked in the dentist's parking lot, his frown slowly replaced with a grin. As she climbed out of the car, he took a step toward her.
"Come here, you." he said finally, winding his arms around her waist and kissing her tenderly. Her hands slid from his neck to his chest as she grinned against his mouth.
"Are you insane, you two?"
An anxious whisper only slightly distracted the couple as Mrs. Granger dashed out into the parking lot, looking frazzled.
"If your father sees you--"
"Mm-hmm..." Hermione sighed, sounding as if she had completely ignored what her mother had said, dropping her chin onto Harry's shoulder. "Right..."
Harry nuzzled Hermione's neck with his nose, lightly running his hand through her curls as Mrs. Granger cast another worried look toward the innocent-looking dentist office.
"Hermione Jean Granger, if Harry's late your father will smother him under the X-Ray apron." she warned in a low voice. Hermione was idly playing with the collar of Harry's shirt, and Harry was grinning obliviously down at his fiancée.
"Let them have their fun, Emily!" chirped a vaguely familiar voice. Hermione's head snapped up.
"Aunt Katie?"
Oh yes. Harry thought slightly nervously, Aunt Katie. The aunt that screamed so loudly when she saw Hermione's ring that the neighbors had called the police. And she reminded Harry very vividly of someone else....
"Yes, it's me, Hermione darling." gushed Aunt Katie, looking with approval at Harry and Hermione's stances. "My, I can't get over how adorable you two are."
Oh yes. He remembered now.
The similarity between Hermione's Aunt Katie and Ginny Weasley was startling.
"Thank you, Aunt Katie." Hermione said sweetly, releasing Harry's waist and tugging at his hand. "You're right, Mum, we should--"
"And your grandmother Rose is here as well!" Katie was following them, quite happily.
"Grandmama?" Hermione said, with a suspiciously nervous laugh. "Why on earth--?"
"Well, just in case he needs us, dear, of course!" Katie said with an airy laugh, absently adjusting Hermione's ring (which fit perfectly and had absolutely no need for adjustment) "You can't expect your father to take him lying down, can you?"
"Oh, Aunt Katie, it was really unnecessary." Hermione was nibbling at her lip again, which made Harry feel rather ill. "Honestly, I'm perfectly capable of handling Daddy on my--- Jennifer? Alex? What are you doing-- never mind."
She glared at her beaming relatives, who all wore rather chunky purses and broad grins.
"You didn't think you'd get out of it, did you, Hermy?" Hermione's cousin Jennifer teased, and Harry shot a glance at Hermione, who scowled at Jennifer's twin, Alex.
"Just because you two are married doesn't mean you can--"
"Oh, but we have to take care of dear little Hermione. It's our job." Alex said with a wickedly amused smile. "And her lovely fiancé, too-- right, Harold?"
"It's Harry." Hermione snapped through gritted teeth, making them snigger.
"Oh, I love it when she gets all defensive about him." Jennifer said fondly, as if she were talking about a small child and not a very adult and very embarrassed Hermione Granger.
"Mum, how could you let them come?" Hermione demanded, as Harry searched desperately for some plausible route of escape. "I mean, honestly--"
"There's nothing I could do to stop them, dear." Mrs. Granger said apologetically, "It's not as if I can magically... er--- I mean..."
She stuttered to an awkward halt, casting Hermione a nervous glance.
"Right." Hermione said hastily, "Right, I know. But this is honestly one of the most ridiculous things about our family..."
"It's a tradition, sweetheart." quavered Grandmama Rose. "It's been in the family for generations!"
"For Merlin-- ah-- I mean, goodness knows what reason." Hermione muttered, pushing past her relatives into the waiting room, dragging Harry along with her. "Come on, Harry."
"What are they talking about, Hermione?" Harry demanded in a whisper, eyeing the interested secretary nervously. "What tradition?"
"It's supposedly a fantastic tradition of ours. The father makes the invite, the fiancé comes, and then... yeah, well, I'm leaving that to your imagination at the moment, since it's not going to happen if I can help it." Hermione said, as Harry looked at her resentfully.
"Stop looking at me like that." Hermione said wearily. "I know this was an awful idea."
Seeing the dejected, embarrassed look on her face, Harry reached out and gently tucked a curl of her hair behind her ear, trailing his fingers across her flushed cheek.
"Hey." he said, ignoring the sighs of his fiancée's attentive relatives. "It's okay."
A reluctant smile pulled at her lips.
"I'm sorry." she said softly, offering him her hand. "I haven't exactly been very cheery today."
"Neither have I." he said, squeezing her hand. "It's all right."
She tilted her chin back and kissed him gently on the mouth.
"Okay." she whispered, smiling. "If you're sure."
"For the moment." he said dryly. She laughed and rested her chin on his shoulder.
"I love you." she murmured, making Harry's heart thump happily against his chest.
"I love you, too." He dropped a kiss on her forehead. "When's this appointment, anyway?"
Hermione opened her mouth to speak, but then her eyes widened.
"Oh-- h-hi, Daddy." she said with a feeble smile, and Harry noted with despair that the soft lip he had just kissed was now trapped under a row of teeth. "We're here."
"I'll see the young man now."
Harry swallowed, straightened his shoulders, and followed the tall, imposing figure that was Hermione's father.
"Is this the one?" The secretary questioned.
"That's the one!" chorused several female Granger voices.
The secretary grinned at Hermione.
"Didn't think you could break tradition, did you?"
"Something so utterly pointless and embarrassing deserves to be broken." Hermione said with dignity. "I refuse to let any of you bring Harry into this."
"She was always a stubborn one." mused Grandmama Rose. "Oh, come now, dear, it's all in fun."
"I never enjoyed it." Hermione muttered, playing with her ring. "And I never got to join in anyway."
"Aww... poor little Hermione." Alex said, without a hint of sympathy and a rather evil grin. "Come off it, Hermy, it'll be fun!"
Hermione swung her gaze back and forth from relatives, with a rather pleading gaze at each of them. When seeing all of them were determined, her face fell.
"If you must." she said flatly. "But please, no balloons..."
"Oh, but that's the fun bit!" Alex said. Seeing Hermione face, she scowled playfully.
"Stop giving Jen that face or she'll give in." When she noticed Hermione looking rather miserable, she patted her shoulder.
"Come on, it's not that bad. All of our marriages are still intact, right?" She glanced around at her relatives, who agreed, beaming and all looking rather dreamy.
After a pause, Hermione sighed and dropped into a chair.
"I'm insane. I'm absolutely insane."
"Well, at least you admit it now, right?" Alex said, clearly intending to be comforting. Hermione sent Alex her signature Death Glare, which unfortunately was one that had been perfected in the Granger female population and therefore had no affect. At least not on its own, but five other Granger glares had turned on Alex, and she wilted.
"Sorry, sorry-- gosh, no wonder I married out of this family." she added under her breath. "No sense of humor."