Sonic the Stoner

Sonic was lying in bed with his eyes closed. There were a lot of needles and empty beer bottles on the ground around his bed. He was passed right out snoring loudly. Tails barged into his hut and ran up to his bed, careful not to step on anything. "Sonic, Sonic!" Yelled Tails as he shook Sonic. Sonic however didn't move. "Sonic!" He said shaking him harder. Sonic then groaned and weakly looked over at Tails.

"What?" Was all he could stifle.

"Bunnie and Antoine were captured by Robotnik, I just made it out of there!"

"Why the hell were they in the freakin' city?" Asked Sonic annoyed.

"We were getting chemicals and such to build bombs and destroy Robotnik's new coal burning fossil fuel creating factory!" Tails yelled.

"Who cares?" Sonic said and went back to sleep.

"They're your friends Sonic!"

Sonic sighed and sat up, pushing a needle onto the floor and belched. He scratched himself and stood. He held his head in pain and groaned. "Alright I'll go." He said and wobbled a bit. "I'm only doing this for Bunnie though. Fuck Antoine, that little pansy is scared of his own shadow."

"Sonic you swore!" Tails proclaimed.

"Shut the fuck up!" Sonic yelled, and with that he hobbled out the door and put on his red shoes. "I need a chili dog." Sonic said to Tails.

"We don't have any right now Sonic." Tails said.

Sonic rubbed the bridge of his nose between his eyes with his index finger and thumb and then sighed. "Yeah of course not." Sonic said flopping his hands to his sides. "We never have any chili dogs." Sonic then rushed out the door and took off towards Robotropolis. As he passed Rotor he shoved him down just for the heck of it.

"You asshole!" Rotor shouted to Sonic shaking his fist. But then Rotor saw Sonic getting closer again. "Oh shit." Sonic came back and clobbered Rotor on the nose causing him to bleed, and without saying a word Sonic took off again.

Sonic arrived at the city and coincidentally ran into his Uncle Chuck. "Sonic my boy!" Uncle Chuck said happily. Then he took out a phatty and began puffing that J like there was no tomorrow. "Get high with me Sonic!" Uncle Chuck said like a stoner.

"Sorry I can't get high right now Uncle Chuck, I need to save my friends." Sonic said that last part in a mocking sort of way.

"So? They got themselves in that mess, they can get themselves out, right?" Uncle Chuck said, then coughed uncontrollably.

Sonic put a hand on his chin and rubbed it, pondering. "Well, Sally will be mighty sorry if I don't help, but you know what? Screw them! I'm in!" Sonic said. Uncle Chuck put a hand on Sonic's shoulder and they went into his underground place. Within minutes the whole place was smokey and mellow music was playing in the background. Uncle Chuck and Sonic were sitting perfectly still on beanbag chairs and were staring blankly at nothing in front of them all wide eyed.

The next morning Sally was up and about helping Tails make a model boat to play with in the stream. Sonic came into the open grass field where they were and had to use his arms to keep his balance. Sonic flopped down on the ground and closed his eyes. "Oh my goodness Sonic!" She said caring for him. "What did Robotnik do to you?" She then got a whiff of Sonic and smelt marijuana. "Wait a minute..." She took another sniff. "Were you getting high last night?!"

Sonic didn't move but just gave a vocal "mhm".

"Sonic! What about Antoine and Bunnie?!" Sally said in a panic.

Sonic stood up again and looked straight. "Oops." Sonic said.

"Oops?...OOPS?!" Sally yelled. "YOU JUST BLEW OFF THE MISSION TO SMOKE WEED?!"

"Relax, I'll go back and get them now!" And without being able to get a word in after, Sonic took off towards the city again. Sonic purposely went out of his way knock Rotor over again.

"Why?!" Rotor asked.

About thirty minutes later Sonic had a lighter at the bottom of Uncle Chucks bong pipe and was blowing bubbles. He then held his breath for a few moments then began coughing. He passed the bong to Uncle Chuck and he did the same. "This is some good kush Uncle Chuck." Said Sonic.

"Yeah. Since Robotnik legalized it mainly for himself, I've been swiping some of his dank whenever I get the chance." Uncle Chuck said then began laughing. He then hit the bong too.

Inside of Dr. Robotnik's main room, he had Snively, two robot guards and Antoine, who was shivering like a pansy. "Oh Snively, I just do love Robotisizing." He said in that kick-ass voice of his. "It warms the gears in my dark heart."

"Yes sir." Snively said seemingly uninterested. He began pressing buttons and prepping the robotisizer.

Robotnik opened a drawer and gasped, then looked angry. "Snively!" He yelled.

"What is it sir?" Snively asked a little worried.

"What happened here?!" Robotnik said seething.

Snively looked over but didn't see anything. "I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about Dr. Robotnik."

Robotnik reached in his drawer and pulled out an empty bag and revealed it to Snively. "What happened to my 20 bag?!" He yelled and pounded his fist onto his desk.

Snively just lowered his eyes and continued pressing buttons. "I'm afraid I can't answer that sir. I would never take your weed."

"New objective Snively. Get me some more weed." He then slipped Snively a 50 dollar bill. "Oh and do find out who has been taking my kush." Robotnik said.

"Yes sir." Snively tucked the fifty in his pocket and walked out the door.

"I can't enjoy my robotisizing without being baked as fuuuuuck." Said Robotnik and threw up some gang signs as he said that. Antoine stopped shaking, and looked more confused now.

Sonic returned to the village and Sally was tapping her foot on the ground. "Right!" Yelled Sonic and slapped himself on the side of the head. He took off again.

Rotor was hiding in the bushes peering out looking at Sonic. When he saw Sonic take off into the forest he sighed in relief and came out. Just then Sonic came up from behind and knocked him over again. "AHHH!" Rotor screamed in frustration.

"Hey Sally, have you seen my model boat anywhere?" Tails asked. "It was right there just a little while ago." Tails pointed to a spot on the grass.

"Hm. That's weird." Sally said looking around from her spot.

"Yo Uncle Chuck check this out." Sonic took the model boat and plopped it on the coffee table at Uncle Chuck's place.

"Cool goose Sonic!" Said Uncle Chuck.

"Yeah whatever." Sonic snapped the boat in pieces and took the leafs off, which were holding the pieces together. "I found some more kush leafs! You don't even need to steal them from Robotnik this time!" Sonic said seemingly proud of himself.

"Oh shit!" Said Uncle Chuck excitedly. He grabbed the leafs and started crushing them. Sonic took out a glue stick and started sniffing it.

"You got my plant?" Dr. Robotnik asked Snively as he walked in his main room.

"Of course sir." Snively said and tossed a bag at Robotnik, which he caught.

Robotnik opened the bag and took a long sniff. He sighed and smiled. "Good. We can commence the robotisization." Dr. Robotnik said as he sparked up.

"It's terrible!" Tails was yelling.

"What is it?" Asked Sally, seeing tears in Tails' eyes.

"Bunnie and Antoine... They were robotisized. I saw them... And my model boat is gone! This is the worst week ever!" He said and just started crying a lot.

Sonic came back into the village, eyes were bloodshot and just in general pink. He walked into his room and plopped on the bed face first. Sally came in after him. "Sonic the Hedgehog..." She was about to slap him but then he shot up.

"Oh right!" He said running out towards the forest, but made sure he went up to Rotor and pushed him down, then punched him in the face several times and took off towards Robotropolis.

End.