Albus looked around at the startled Japanese locals that were staring at him in a combination of confusion and wonder. A bit surprised at his destination, Albus attempted to think up an excuse for his sudden apparition. Damn it Albus, he cursed in his head, you tried a simple apparition to the Leaky Cauldron and ended up in this place!! Let's get it together, Albus!
Albus was not anywhere near the Leaky Cauldron. In fact, he wasn't even in the wizarding world anymore. In his distressed state, young Albus had somehow managed to land himself in a fancy tea shop in Tokyo, Japan!
"SUIGOI!!!" The Japanese locals inside the teashop bellowed in unison. Albus knew that he had to do some quick thinking to explain this one. He quickly devised quite the little scheme to escape from the situation…
"I AM THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS TEA!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! GET OUT OF MY SHOP YOU FOOOOLS! WHOOOO!!"
"YOUMA!" The locals shouted in unison. The heart-wrenching din of shattering teacups resonated throughout the usually placid establishment. Mass panic ensued as terrified customers and staff alike clamored for the exits. An old grandmother cried out, clutching at her heart, and fell to the ground. No one took notice as they trampled over her, fleeing the shop.
Albus whipped out his sizeable oak wand while simultaneously running to the ancient woman's side. "HALBIUS PORPOISE!!" He called out desperately, pointing his stick at the motionless body. Yet it was all in vain. Albus wept in horror as he realized that he was again inadvertently responsible for the death of another innocent person. Recalling the recent passing of his poor sister was almost unbearable, but this was too painful to withstand. Albus thrust his wand to his temple and was about to end it all when the harmonious laughter of a young girl wafted into the room.
"I just looooooove tea!!" The girl squealed conversationally to her feline accompaniment as the duo entered the store. The cat opened its mouth as if to answer when suddenly it stopped dead in its tracks. The newcomer's jaw dropped as she witnessed the spectacle of Albus crouching shadily over the body of a wilted old woman. Acting on her strong sense of righteousness, justice, and keen intuition, the mysterious girl cast off her dress.
"MOON, PRISM, POWER, MAKE-UP!" A flurry of rainbows materialized around the supple young form as if by magic.
Magic! Albus thought, dumbfounded. Why, I can do magic too! Albus sprang to his feet. By this time, the girl, now clad in a crisp sailor suit, had whipped out the strangest wand Albus had ever seen over his crooked nose. It was refreshingly pink, covered in sparkles and topped with a majestic winged heart. For a moment, Albus gazed longingly at her rather fabulous weapon of choice before turning his own wand, which he felt was a bit drab by comparison, in the face of his attractive blond nemesis.
"EXPELLIARMUS!" Albus cried, and the girl gasped as her glittering rod flew from her gloved hand. Howling in fury, she reared back her arm, ready to break her enemy's shnoz for what appeared to be the second time when the cat decided it was time to step in.
"Stop, Sailor Moon! This man is NOT from the Negaverse!" The bold feline's orb-like eyes darted over the cloaked man. A crescent moon-shaped bald spot on her forehead glimmered wryly as she cross-examined this bizarre gentleman.
An Animagus? Albus pondered quickly.
"I know what you're thinking," the cat responded, to his surprise. "I am not an animagus. I'm merely a talking cat."
"What tomfoolery is this?!" Albus grumbled loudly. "You must be under some kind of sinister transfiguration!"
The cat squinted at this outburst and shook her fuzzy black head. "I'm under no spell. I'm the feline guardian of the moon princess, Serenity. And you, you're a wizard, Albus!"
Albus was caught off guard and dropped his wand in astonishment. "Grendelwald! I suspected you were behind this! Who is this vile wench you've found to attack me, your new girlfriend? You always had a thing for slutty blondes!"
Upon hearing herself referred to as slutty, Sailor Moon burst into tears. "I am NOT slutty," she mumbled, but no one paid any attention.
"I do not know of this…Grendelsworth you speak of, but what I do know is that YOU are a wizard! When I was not but a wee kitten my mother would take my ball of yarn from me, sit me down by the fire, and tell me grand tales of a race of magical humans. Why, these humans even had their own whimsical wizarding school of witchcraft and wizardry! My my, who was to think that I, Luna, would have the immense pleasure of stumbling upon a real live wizard! Oh, if they could only see me now…" Luna's eyes glazed over as she trailed off.
"My mother, too, would take my ball of yarn and sit me by the fire and tell me tales of the wizard school I would get to go to if I was a good little boy and ate all my vegetables," Albus recounted dreamily.
"You should've seen my mother, quite the woman, always pregnant with a litter of kittens and threatening to spay us herself if we ever got on with the neighbor cats like she did."
"Now I can't help but notice that dialect of yours," Albus interjected, "Am I wrong in guessing that you are from Berkshire?"
"Actually, I'm from Japan," the cat corrected. "But that was a good guess."
"LU-NAAAAA," Sailor Moon whined. "You know we came here so I could get that special boysenberry-spice tea for my date with Darien! He's probably beside himself with worry that his favorite flavor is not going to reach his yearning taste buds! You know how grumpy he gets when he doesn't get his daily-" Sailor moon's sentence cut short as she met the sparkling blue peepers of her new acquaintance for the first time and became instantly enchanted. "On second thought, maybe I could share this special cup with you instead…Albus was it?"
"Why yes, that is me, but won't Darien be bitter when his buds go berryless?" Albus asked.
"Darien can make his own tea," Sailor Moon answered, looking Albus up and down seductively. What I would give to have the chance to fill his mouth with my own special brew, she thought.
Little did they know that something more malicious than boysenberry tea was brewing that fateful night.