THE V WORD
Disclaimer: It's all JKR's.
Warning: This story contains questionable (ha) language and sexual material. Probably nothing too graphic, but consider yourself warned.
PROLOGUE
She would later claim that the whole thing was entirely the fault of her sister. Her sister would sniff haughtily and say that she had no part in it whatsoever. Her best friend would maintain that it was simply an unavoidable culmination of a decade's-worth of sibling rivalry.
Let the records show, it began with a shriek.
"Lily! Get this demonic contraption out of the sink before my mates come over!"
Stifling a giggle, Lily Evans took her time walking into the kitchen where her distressed sister was standing with her arms crossed and pointedly avoiding staring at the large cauldron that was sitting freshly scrubbed in the sink.
"Oh bugger, how could I have forgotten?" she exclaimed overdramatically. "Thanks ever so much for reminding me."
Her mocking did not go unnoticed by Petunia, who threw her hands up in irritation and belted out the age-old: "Mum!"
"What is it, dear?" Their mother appeared at the doorway, balancing a basket of laundry on one hip.
Petunia pounded a fist on the counter. "Lily is purposely trying to embarrass me in front of my mates!"
"Oh, don't be so melodramatic, Tuney," Lily said, lifting her cauldron out of the sink and preparing to lug it into the other room. "Oh, wait," she declared loudly, fishing her wand out of her pocket. She then proceeded to levitate it out of the room, much to the distress of her sister who flailed an arm in Lily's direction.
"You see?" Petunia shrieked. She had been extra sensitive towards any magic-making ever since Lily had come home for the summer as an official adult in the Wizarding world.
Their mum rolled her eyes at her daughters' antics and turned towards Lily. "Darling, are you planning on changing before we go to the station?"
Lily looked down at her rather drab outfit. "What's wrong with what I have on?"
"Nothing, nothing, I just figured you'd want to look extra nice for whatever young man you wanted to impress."
Petunia snorted, making her appear more horse-like than usual. "Lily doesn't have any experience with boys, Mum."
Their mother shot her a disapproving look. "Petunia, play nice with your sister." Petunia smiled in return until she left to sort the laundry.
"As if you have experience," Lily replied once their mother was out of earshot.
Petunia sniffed. "I have loads more than you. When's the last time you've had a boyfriend? Face it, Lily, you're a virgin in every sense of the word."
"Well that's rich!" Lily sneered. "I know for a fact that you've never shagged anyone."
Petunia looked away haughtily, but didn't say anything, confirming her accusation. "Well," she finally said, "we all know I'd be the first to shag someone out of the two of us."
This was simply too much for Lily's competitive nature to handle. "Care to put that to the test?"
"Fine," Petunia said. "First one to shag a bloke wins."
Lily cocked a brow. "How can I trust you not to lie?"
"Then we'll have to offer some sort of proof," her sister answered simply, as if she participated in de-virginizing competitions all the time.
Lily decided this would have to do for now. She figured there would always be some kind of spell she could look up to determine the winner if she needed to. "Fine, but we'll have to do it when I come home for Christmas."
"Sounds good to me," Petunia said, sticking her nose up in the air, a familiar position. "I already have it in the bag, anyways."
Lily's eyes narrowed. "What makes you so sure?'
"There's a lad a few blocks down who's keen on me."
"That Dursley boy?" Lily barely managed to stifle a snort. "I doubt it. His family is freakishly religious. He probably owns a purity ring."
This did not seem to deter her sister. "I can change his mind."
Lily however, was not so sure. "We'll see about that."
"I suppose we will," Petunia replied. They formally shook hands to seal the deal and Lily couldn't help but feel as if as she had just sold her soul to the devil. With one last withering glare on Petunia's part, Lily bounded up the stairs and careened into her room to finish readying her trunk for the station. But first things first...
She was going to have to change outfits.
The Hogwarts Express rumbled swiftly through the English countryside as Lily spread out over the compartment bench, exhausted.
"Dumbledore wasn't playing around with this Head Girl business," she said. "It's actually hard work." Between waking up at the crack of dawn to make it to the station in time for her last year at Hogwarts and conducting her first Prefect's meeting, she was about ready to turn in for the day.
Emmeline Vance made a noncommittal noise in reply and shoved another Cauldron Cake into her already full mouth. Lily snorted at her disinterest. "You know James Potter is Head Boy?"
That got her attention.
"You're having me on!" Her blue eyes were so wide she closely resembled a bug. "That would defy all the rules of the universe and Dumbledore does not defy rules."
"His grades are rather top notch, and he's calmed down a lot since fifth year," Lily reasoned.
"But his reputation precedes him." Emmeline grinned wickedly. "This is going to be so much fun. Was it crazy awkward between the two of you at the meeting?"
"Hardly," Lily scoffed. "He barely talked to me at all." It shouldn't have surprised her. Their interactions had been few and far in between since fifth year; He had been too busy being the Lothario of Hogwarts to bother with coaxing her into dating him. Lily didn't think herself to be overly conceited, but she had to admit that it irritated her how quickly he had forgotten her. Though she'd never admit it, it had been nice having such a handsome and popular bloke obsessed with her.
"Bummer," Emmeline said. She pushed her sweets away and leaned forward in excitement. "You'll have to ask him if he really shagged Harriet Pendleton of the Holyhead Harpies over the summer."
Lily wrinkled her nose. "I don't want to know the details about his sex life. Gross. But speaking of shagging, I need your help."
"Er, Lily, I know we're best mates and all but-"
"Bravo. Very funny. But seriously, I have to fuck a bloke before Christmas or suffer humiliation at the hands of my horse-faced sister."
Emmeline cringed a bit at the vulgarity of that statement – Lily had always had an incurably dirty mouth - and tried to keep her overdramatic outbursts to herself as Lily then proceeded to explain the whole debacle.
Lily was initially wary of her friend's reaction. It was not secret that while Lily was more logical about things, Emmeline was hopelessly sentimental. She might not view the whole shagging for competition's sake thing as benign as Lily herself did.
Thankfully, the blonde simply shook her head and said, "How you manage to get yourself into these predicaments, I will never understand."
"You and me both," Lily said dryly. "So you'll help me?"
"Of course," she said instantly, but her face turned thoughtful. "But...don't you, I dunno, want your first time to be special and not part of some stupid bet?"
Lily had seen this coming, and thus was prepared to answer. "It's not a big deal. I might as well get it over with and prove a point to my sister all in one go."
Emmeline picked up another Cauldron Cake and began nibbling on it. "That's not very romantic, though."
Lily shrugged. "I'm not expecting it to be. I'm not like you, Em. I don't need a story-book romance."
Emmeline snorted indelicately. "Fine, whatever, but seeing as I have even less experience than you, we're going to have to consult an expert."
"Dorcas?"
She nodded. "Dorcas."
Dorcas Meadows a bit infamous among the seventh years. In third year, it was for dating a boy three years above her. In fifth year, it was for losing her virginity. In sixth year, it was for shagging her way through a large portion of the male population of Hogwarts. In short, she was something of a slag. The admirable part about Dorcas, however, was that she was shameless.
This particular trait came in handy when one was in need of advice about the opposite sex, and so that was how Lily found herself sitting on Dorcas's four poster a few hours after the feast in the Great Hall.
"You've come to the right place," Dorcas said, the business-like tone of her voice marred by the mischievous smirk on her face.
"So what should I do?" Lily asked, ignoring the amazed expression on Emmeline's face as she flipped through one of Dorcas's dirty books.
Dorcas considered. "Well normally I'd suggest a very direct plan of attack, but since you're Head Girl, we are going to have to be more discreet."
"Who is actually that flexible?" Emmeline exclaimed, turning the book upside down and squinting, as if the answer would suddenly appear.
"I think you'd be better off choosing one bloke and seducing him with your powers of sexual persuasion," Dorcas said. "That way, you don't get branded a tart for flirting with multiple blokes."
"Okay," Lily laughed. She wasn't sure about this "sexual persuasion" business though. "But who?"
Dorcas leaned back against her headboard. "Your best bet is one of the male slags in Gryffindor or Hufflepuff, preferably Gryffindor."
"There's Henry Reynolds," suggested Emmeline.
"He has a girlfriend," countered Lily. "I need someone who would sleep with me and then forget about it the next day. Someone like..."
"James Potter."
Emmeline choked on her own spit. "What?"
"You heard me," Dorcas said. "James is the master of the one night stand. You know the deal: he hasn't had a girlfriend for more than three months."
"You're serious?" Lily asked. It was strange, but she wasn't entirely opposed to the idea. Maybe the Lily of fifth year would rather have joined a nunnery than shag Potter, but the Lily of seventh year was of an entirely different mindset. Although, he hadn't said more than two words to her at the Prefect meeting during the train ride.
Dorcas shrugged. "He's Head Boy with you, isn't he? Easy access. And don't worry, he's a great shag."
Emmeline let out a high-pitched giggle, but tried to cover it with a cough.
Lily's eyebrows rose. "So you two have shagged then?" She wasn't sure how she felt about that.
Dorcas cackled. "Of course not! We're cousins! But girls do talk, you know."
Lily didn't, but she nodded anyways. "So what should I do? Jump him and get it over with?"
"No, no, no. You need the right environment. Preferably someplace with a lot of alcohol."
"Should I spike his pumpkin juice?" Lily half-joked. She tried to imagine herself drugging him over breakfast, but found it a little too ridiculous. Surely he'd notice?
"Too incriminating," said Dorcas. "I was thinking more like at the party Saturday night."
"Okay." Lily nodded. "I can do that." It didn't seem too difficult, she thought. James was probably planning on shagging some girl after the game anyways. Best of all, everybody in the Common Room would be too busy socializing to notice if they snuck off somewhere.
"Brilliant" Dorcas clapped her hands conclusively. "You'll be a woman of the night in no time."
The following day marked the first day of what Lily had named "The Seduction of Potter". Though the official seduction itself would take place at the Gryffindor party that Saturday, Lily figured that she was obligated to properly prepare James for the moment when she would throw herself at him.
She had decided that the perfect chance for this would be at the Prefect meeting that evening. It was, however, more difficult than she'd initially thought, as the Prefects were being particularly inquisitive that evening.
"So what's the official ruling on Firewhiskey?" asked a Hufflepuff boy.
"It's been banned since the twenties, as I've told you before," Lily said tiredly.
"So if you're going to be passing it around at any of your theoretical House parties, make sure none of the first years get a hold of it," added James with a grin.
Lily cleared her throat. "If that's all, then sign up for patrols on your way out and we'll see you next week."
Finally. She turned to James, who was talking with some sixth year on the Quidditch team. Just as she made a beeline for him, she was intercepted by a mousy-looking fifth year. Blast.
"Er, Lily?"
She tried not to groan. "Yes, Tilden?" The fifteen year old has something of a crush on her and consequently had been all over her at every Prefect meeting they'd had thus far.
He ran a hand through his sandy hair in an attempt to looking dashing, she was sure. Gangly as a beanpole and barely reaching her chin, he was anything but dashing. "So I was hoping we could be partners for patrols?"
Her eyes darted to where James was grabbing his rucksack and preparing to leave. Fuck. "Erm, sorry, Tilden, but I already signed myself up to patrol with James. We're both Heads, you know how it is."
"Well-"
"Speaking of James, I have something urgent I must tell him. G'bye!" With that said, she darted across the room and in front of James, effectively blocking his path to the door.
It only took her a few seconds to realise how stupid she looked. "Yes, Evans?" His eyes sparkled with amusement.
"Erm." She rustled through her rucksack and brought out a well-worn Transfiguration textbook. "You left this in McGonagall's room this morning." Actually, she had Accio-ed it out of his dormitory after lessons, but he'd never know the difference.
"I- what?" His brows furrowed in confusion. "I could've sworn I brought it-"
"Well, you probably nicked one of your mates instead," she said hurriedly, eager to get off the subject. "So I signed us up for the best patrol times. Feel free to prostrate yourself before me in thanks."
He chuckled and looked a bit shocked. "You signed us up to patrol together?"
"Somebody has to keep an eye on you, Potter," she said casually. She was surprised that he was so easy to talk to.
He laughed again and she couldn't help but notice that he looked particularly attractive when he was smiling. "Well, if anybody could whip me into shape, it's you Evans. Be gentle though, yeah?"
"I make no promises."
He grinned at her once more before he was pulled into yet another conversation about the Quidditch tactics. If she hadn't been in a room full of people, she would have patted herself on the back. She had successfully flirted with James Potter!
She grinned happily to herself as she shoved the rest of her belongings into her rucksack and prepared to walk back up to the Common Room. Just as she was readying to leave, she froze at the sight of James. He had obviously moved on from his Quidditch conversation was now ruffling his hair and smiling crookedly at a pair of Ravenclaw girls.
Fucking hell! Lily knew he was practically the Lothario of Hogwarts, but she hadn't actually considered that she might have competition for his (sexual) affections. After all, he had fancied her only a few years ago! He obviously hadn't fancied her as much as he had claimed.
She clutched the strap of her rucksack furiously. How dare he act like he was Merlin's gift to witches! He was a cocky, womanising tosser is what he was! A tosser who she was most definitely going to shag, she decided. She was going to shag him and then toss him aside just as he had done to all those other girls.
Lily Evans needed to step up her game.
To be continued...
NOTE: I officially love you if you read this thing. I know, it's short and not the best quality, but I've rewritten it so many times that I can't even look at it anymore. Anyways, starting now, if you review, then I promise to respond, so feel free to ask questions or whatever floats your boat. I promise to be nice =D. I've already outlined this entire story so updates should be pretty frequent. I'm rambling, I know, so I'll just leave you with this fabulous review button...do with it what you will.