A/N - I was watching Friends this afternoon, and in the episode 3x22 - The one with the screamer - Joey has a crush with an actress who is his co-star in a play, and when they get a very bad review, she drinks a lot and he takes her home. They connect, but then she passes out on the couch as she was going to kiss him. Joey, being the sweetest cinnamon roll, takes care of her. Later, she tells the girls that, and that the girls then woke up and they stayed up all night talking about each other and telling each other things and then they realised they were in love. Monica calls it "The night" when you spend a long time talking to a person a realise you love them and get to know them in details.
Here I try to give this to Ress and Liz. Of course, it wouldn't be this simple with these two, so maybe the ending is a bit different, but it is as I think it would be mostly canon. Let me know what you think.
"You are a great person, Donald Ressler, you truly are"
He opened the door with one hand as the other was trying to hold her up. She was hammered. Since she was cleared of all accusations and finally stopped running, she went on a downward spiral and started drinking and partying a lot. He was worried about her, even though he had kept his distance, but tonight he was out for a drink with some FBI buddies when he found her passed out in the bathroom of the bar.
Now he took her to his apartment, because he didn't know if she had one of if she went back to living in motel rooms like she had been because of everything, and that reminded him that her life was already messy before the Cabal accuse her of terrorism.
He slowly took her to the couch, and as she sat there she pulled him towards her and gave him a kiss.
"Woah, woah. What is this?" he asked, pushing her away.
"This is for taking me home. And this is for being such a nice guy" she leaned to kiss him again, but he stopped her.
"Liz, you're drunk. You're not thinking straight. You should get some sleep."
"I'm fine" she said, her voice reaching a high pitch, and right after she said that she had to hold on to the couch, as if everything was spinning.
"Here, lie down. You need rest" she lay down on the couch and he removed her shoes and covered her up with a blanket he keeps by the couch. Then he went to the kitchen and grabbed an ice bucket.
"Here. I'll put this here in case you need to hurl" he placed it beside her, and she chuckled.
"You're so good to me, Ressler. I am a mess, I messed up your life, and still... Why are you doing this? Why didn't you leave me there?"
He thought about it. there was so much he wanted to tell her, but that was not the time. The fact that he had kept his distance meant they had barely seen each other for the past 4 months, but a serious conversation containing all that history of them running against each other that was due 4 months was not supposed to happen in her conditions at 1am.
"Because that's what you do when you see someone pass out in front you. You take them home and take care of them." He said, and remembered when Raymond Reddington said something similar to him, once upon a time when he had been shot in the leg while the post office was under attack. It made sense, now. You don't question whatever the person has done or could do to you when you see them in a bad situation. That's what good people do.
She chuckled again and then fell asleep immediately, holding her head on her hands. He watched her sleep for a few minutes and then couldn't resist giving her a kiss on the forehead before going to his room. Besides everything that had happened, he cared for Liz, and watching her sleep soundly reminded him of the nice and innocent partner he once had.
He went to bed but couldn't sleep, the thought of everything that had happened between them haunting his dreams. It had been such a long and excrushiating ride, he didn't know exactly how they survived it. She barely did, he could see it tonight. She had been drinking? Is that it? Some people mentioned she was a bit wilder than she was, but he didn't think it had gone this far. He thought about when he starting taking pills, and how that affected him. It was a crazy addiction that he didn't even notice happening. When he stopped and realised, he was hooked.
It was scary and difficult, but he managed to get rid of it, and there was only one reason for his recovery. Her. She asked him to get help, she made him promise. She cared for him and he looked for help because of her. It was time now to return the favor.
IT was a little past 3am when he started dozzing off, when she knocked on his door. He opened his eyes startled.
"Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up." she said, stopped at the door.
"You didn't. I just... dozzed off. Are you okay?"
"Yes, I'm better, thanks. Just so you know, I vomited. Thanks for the bucket. I've cleaned it all already, don't worry." She entered his room and sat on the edge of the bed without asking for an invitation, and he thought it was so Liz to do that. He sat up on the bed and then noticed he was wearing only boxer shorts, his chest was bare. He felt silly to cover himself with the sheets, and she didn't seem to mind.
"Do you need anything, Liz?" He asked as she fiddled with the sheets on the bed, looking down.
"I'm sorry, Ress. I mean, the way you found me, I never meant to..." she sounded ashamed, and he knew exactly what she was going through.
"Liz, hey, it's okay. I'm glad I found you." he moved to get closer to her, and then sat with his legs out beside her and took her hand. "What's been going on with you?"
She let out a sob and cupped her mouth with her hand, trying not to cry. He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and kept his hand on the side of her head, when she looked up and he could see that her eyes were red.
"I'm trash, aren't I?" she let out, as a long-kept confession. He didn't say anything, just looked at her making it clear that he was there to listen to her. She took a deep breath before saying everything.
"Things I did, and that I saw while I was out there with Red, God, I don't even recognize myself. All these months, I was running away from something that wasn't my fault, and that made me guilty of a thousand other things I shouldn't've done. I've lost all hope. The things I did to people I care about, what I did to you..." she reached to touch his arm, but then changed her mind and kept it on the bed.
"I lost all that. I lost the FBI, my career, my friends, my partner, and for what? Because I accepted the fact a secret criminal organization accused me of something I didn't do. I killed the attourney general!"
"You were being threatened. You did what you had to do" he said, knowing now what had happened when she killed Tom Connoly, because of the trials.
"Yeah, I keep telling myself that, why don't I believe it?" she scorned, tears flowing from her eyes now, her face all wet and red. "I didn't even flich, Ress. I just pointed the gun at him and pulled the trigger. That was it. But the things he said, about destroying each one of us, about Samar, about your addiction, he even said he was going to find something to accuse Aram! I had to, I know, but...When we talked, after that, and you begged me to turn myself in. I wanted to. I knew I meant to respond for what I had done, but I was so scared. It wasn't only because of that, there was more, and I had to run from that. Now I'm not so sure of that, sometimes I wonder if you weren't right. I believed Red so blindly that I had to run away to clear my name, I didn't even think that maybe, maybe if I had turned myself in they wouldn't have reasons to accuse me without proof."
"no, Liz, you did what you had to do. I wanted to be right, that going through the system was the best for you, but you could've stayed in jail for years before we had any proof of your innocence, or that the Cabal existed. They commanded everything I was the blind one."
"Please, don't try to take the blame. I'm the mess here."
He took a deep breath, knowing that she had her mind set on that and it would be hard trying to convince her that she was not the problem.
"What about the drinking, Liz? When did that start?"
She sighed, knowing that he too thought she was drinking too much. How could she blame him, he found her passed out in the bathroom of a bar. But she still wanted to believe that she had that under control.
"I've got it under control" was her response, and he chuckled.
"You know, I thought that about my addiction too, but then someone very stubborn didn't believe me, and made me go and look for help." she smiled faintly, and then he too her chin with his fingers to pull her head up to look at him.
"I want you to look for help, Liz, I mean it." She opened her mouth, but he shushed her. "I don't care if you think you got it under control, you don't. you're not the problem here, and it's time you start believing in it again. Whatever happened, happened and there's no going back. You've been pardoned, and cleared of the false accusations. The Cabal is gone, it's time you see this as an opportunity to start over. Not to drown yourself. Promise me you'll find someone to talk to"
She nodded, and then spoke "I promise" to what he opened a smile and stood from the bed.
"C'mon, I'll make us some coffee".
He got a t-shirt from a drawer and covered himself, and then took her hand to lead her to the kitchen.
She sat on the stool next to the counter while he prepared the coffee maker. He turned it on and then turned to sit in front of her.
"Thanks a lot. For believing in me, Ress" she said, concentrated in her fingers. He smiled.
"Hey. I've always believed in you."
"Oh yeah? So why did you stop talking to me after the trials?"
"Oh, well. I was there as the arresting officer. I thought it would be awkward if I was one of the people hugging you in celebration for the veredict."
"Well, weren't you happy? with the veredict?" she raised her eyes to him, and smiled. She looked like the old Liz he used to share conversations after hours.
"You know I was. I just didn't know where you stood, about me."
"I guess I was mad at you, at the time, for arresting me, and everything. But I understand now. Truth is that I truly missed you, Ress. I missed us being partners."
He took her hands on his and looked deep into her eyes to respond. "I missed you too, Liz."
They took a deep breath together and he turned to the coffee maker, breaking the moment. He poured some for her and another mug for him, and then took both mugs to the counter.
"How have things been, you know, at the post office?" she asked and then took a sip from her mug. the hot strong drink helped her wake up a bit, and specially helped with the nausea she was feeling from the drinking.
"That's confidential, Keen" he mocked, and she rolled her eyes.
"I know! I didn't mean the cases, I meant the people. How's Aram?"
"He's... well, he's still upset with me." Liz knew about the hook up he had with Samar while she was on the run, and understood that Aram was upset. The agent had a crush on Samar and everyone knew it, and although she and Ressler didn't take that night any further, specially because he fired her the next day, it was understandable that a guy like Aram still held grudges.
"I never knew why you fired Samar. I mean, you wouldn't be the kind of asshole that fired her because she broke the rule of sleeping with a co-worker, right?" she chuckled, but he remained serious.
"It wasn't because of that. She used my computer to do a search for you, you contacted her and she didn't report to me."
"C'mon Ressler! five days before that you were the one tipping us off on what the Director was doing! There is more to this story, doesn't it?"
He looked at her and didn't know how to tell her without sounding extremely jealous. It wasn't jealousy, he tried to convince himself since it happened. But, well, it might as well have been that.
"I fired her because she told you we knew about your meeting with Tom. She ruined an operation." Liz looked at him seriously and then put the mug down.
"I can't believe it! That's why? But it hadn't been her."
"Yeah, I know. I learned about Cooper's connection to Tom later that day. But it was done. There was nothing I could do"
"Besides rough Tom up in front of the Cooper's, right?"
"Hey! you know about this?" She laughed, and took another sip of coffee. He blushed a little. There was nothing more obviously jealous than kicking her ex-husband's just because he still exists.
"He told me"
"so you two... I mean... are you working things out" Inside he was a mess of feelings, but he had to ask that. She frowned.
"Me and Tom? no, thank you. I mean, I'm glad for his help, and I have to admit it was hard getting over him, but it's just one of those things you have to do, like swallowing a big pill when you're sick. But it's over."
"I thought he was helping because he meant to prove to you he could be a better man."
"Well, being a better man now does not erase what he did to me then. I'm glad he's trying, and I wish him the best, but he should be someone else's better man. Not mine." He felt something like hope inside his heart, but knew he had to hide it.
"So, where are you living? I brought you to my apartment because I didn't know. Are you still living in motels?" she shook her head, as she was drinking.
"No, not anymore. Red bought me an apartment. Less fancy than the other one he had bought before, I gave him the terms. It's small, but it's cosy. You should drop by someday, I'll cook for you".
He felt his heart swell with the invitation, and let out a smile. "Well, I don't know Keen, your cooking is famous, you know?" She rolled her eyes, annoyed.
"Ok, then. We can order." he laughed, and she laughed with him. Their eyes met, and lingered inside each other for a few more seconds than the acceptable. She felt short of breath, realising just then she had stopped breathing.
"So, Red, hun? what's going on with you two?" he asked, and she frowned, perplexed.
"What do you mean by that?" She shook her head as he grinned.
"Well, you've been spending a lot of time with him, now he buys you an apartment. May I remind you he's a criminal, you know?"
"I don't get why you have these ideas, really."
"People say things, we have theories at the office on why he's so obsessed with you" she thought about what she remembered when Luther Braxton did the memory procedure on her. She hadn't told Ressler, and didn't know if it was smart to tell him now. But this was Ressler, her partner, and she used to tell him stuff. If she wanted that back, why not tell him?
"I remembered somethings, from the fire, after the procedure Braxton did on me" he sat back on the stool and the grin fell of his face. He now looked seriously interested in what she had to say.
"I remembered getting a gun from the floor, as I found my mother fighting with a man. My father, I think. He was hitting her, hurting her. I took the gun and I shot. I killed him" he noticed her eyes were wattery, so he took her hand on his and rubbed his thumb on her fingers. She closed her eyes and told more. "Reddington was there, I remembered him. I don't know much more than that, it's all still fusy here, but I think he helped me cover this. I didn't need to remember killing my father at 4. All he ever did was to protect me."
They stayed in silence, Ressler clearly thinking about all the information he had got. She didn't know, but he was feeling much more appreciation for Reddington now, evem more than he already felt for the fact that he protected her while she was on the run.
"You know, my father was a cop, right, so my mother's biggest concern was with the guns he kept in the house. I remember when I was little, I guess I was about 8, and I was playing with my brother, we used to play cops and robbers, so he had the brilliant idea to use dad's gun in the game. He was about 10 at the time, so he knew more about it than I did, and he knew where it was. I guess he had found it earlier that week and so he went to get it and we were playing when my mother saw us. She flipped, started screaming, I had never seen my mother so angry. Michael was so upset, he was grounded for a month."
"I guess I understand your mom. Imagine what could have happened"
"Yes. That's when she finally convinced my dad to buy a safe to keep his guns. He was against it, used to say that there was no use in having a gun in the house if it was out of reach. I don't think the thief will wait a minute while you remember the safe combination, he used to say." he laughed.
She stopped for a minute, just observing him daydreaming about his family, and his father.
"So, you have a brother? I didn't know that."
"Yes. He lives in Connecticut, he's a lawyer"
"Kinda hard to imagine, a Ressler lawyer. Is he just as by the book as you are?" he laughed at her ironic remark.
"Haha, funny. But just so you no, Mickey is a great lawyer. Yes, I guess he is by the book too, but all the best ones are." She laughed.
"Mickey? Mickey and Donald. Wow, you mom is very creative!"
"And yes, a Disney fan, so what?" he laughed at her, remembering all the years as a child where he had to put up with the same joke. His brother hated being called Mickey. it's Michael, he says. Only his mother calls him Mickey. and his little brother.
"You never told me about your father, I mean not much." he asked, afraid he was stepping a line, but they were talking about family, anyway.
"There's not much to tell. It was just Sam and me."
"And you don't remember your mother at all?" she looked away, trying to remember the scene she got that night after the procedure. She couldn't even remember her face. She wished she could remember her mother's face.
'But you remember seeing Red there? I'm sorry, I guess this is just really strange, what is his connection to your parents?"
"I didn't see him there. I remember someone calling out to him."
"So, how can you be sure it wasn't him you shot?" he asked, and she just stared at him, taking in the realisation. What if?
"You mean, that he is my father? He isn't. I asked him."
"Yeah, because Raymond Reddington, Concierge of Crime, never lies."
"Do you think he would lie about that?" He could see she was becoming upset, and wished he hadn't commented on that.
"I'm sorry, Liz. It's just...Even though people say that this is a strange relationship you got going on there, and there are people who say you might have some...involvement, I always saw his concern about you kinda paternal. I wouldn't be surprised. And I wouldn't be surprised either if he supressed this information from you. It's kind of a big deal, I don't think he would reveal it all only because you asked him if he was your father. He wants to get close to you first, Make sure you would actually like the you like it if he was your father? Or would you prefer if he was interested in you?"
He asked and she thought for a minute, and then nodded.
"I guess. I don't know if I would like if he was my father, I think it would be too complicated. He is my friend. Look, I like Red. I guess I love him. I feel safe with him too, but not like a father, or like that, so if people are talking about me and Red like this, you just stop them!"
"Oh, well, that's good to hear. I felt a bit awkward at the thought of you and Reddington kissing." he snorted, and she remembered something.
"um.. Talking about kisses. Did I? I mean, when we got here... Did I kiss you?" she felt weird asking that, but she had the feeling she remembered something like that happening earlier.
He felt his cheeks flutter as he raised his eyebrows and confirmed.
"Oh, God! Ress, I'm sorry, I didn't know what I was doing" He seemed upset when she said that, and she got a bit confused.
"It's okay, Keen, don't worry." She understood now. He was upset. He calls her Keen instead of Liz when he wants to sound formal. or when he's upset. Was he upset because she kissed him, or that she apologized for it.
"You know, for a drunk, you're a great kisser" he grinned, trying to break the ice, and she smiled back at him. Their eyes met again, but she looked away before they stopped to look at each other to the point of no breathing again.
"I should go"
"Are you sure? You can't stay and crash on the couch, leave tomorrow morning. " he stood up and went to her as she gathered her things.
"It's almost morning, anyway" She looked at the clock and pointed out that it was nearly 6am. "I'm okay, really. I'll call for a cab."
She went to the door and he followed her, getting in front of her to open the door. They got close, too close, he thought. He stepped away as the door opened.
"Thanks a lot, Ress" she said, and then placed a kiss on his cheek. He held his breath and closed his eyes as her lips touched his face.
When he reopened them, she was entering the elevator. He couldn't help looking at her longingly as she waved him goodbye, and the doors of the elevator closed.
Inside the elevator, she thought that even though that had been a messy night, there was a chance for her to get Ressler back into her life. She missed that old boyscout partner of hers.