Author's Note: This is pure crack and done for fun. Yes I'm picking at a fandom I do not like and I don't consider it a crossover as other than the mention of the title and a few details from the series I'm not using anything from those... books. If you are a fan of the Twilight series this isn't a fic you may want to read if you don't take kindly to others disliking it. This is also my holiday story for the LFFL monthly challenge. Chapter 1 starts off with unknown characters, but fear not our beloved King shows up by the end and the plot should become evident by then. Chapter 2 will be the one filled with jokes, crazy goblins, and a very confused scribe. Only planning on 3 chapters so we'll see what happens.
Disclaimer:I don't own Jareth, (wish I did) Sarah, or any other character from Labyrinth. They belong to Henson and everyone responsible for creating the movie. I write this solely for entertainment and stress relief.
"I don't have time to read." Amanda argued as her friend tried to shove the book in her hands again. "I have my own stories to finish. The voices in my head are already yelling at me for not working on my books."
Giving her friend a look of concern, Mary Sue, shook her head and placed the book on the table between them. Glancing around the crowded restaurant, it seemed that no one had heard her comment. "You really shouldn't say things like that out loud, especially in public."
"Occupational hazard." Amanda said plainly as she sipped her hot chocolate. "My characters talk to me."
"Yes, well normal people don't have conversations with people in their heads, even if it does make writing easier. Also, normal people don't understand you.'' Mary Sue whispered.
"You're the one that insisted I meet you at the cafe for a drink." Amanda reminded her friend. "You said I needed to get out more."
"Yes, well I had hoped you would leave the voices at home.'' the blonde frowned.
Sighing, Amanda brushed her dark hair behind her ear. "The boys are always with me. Lord knows Jareth won't shut up."
"Alright I get that the voices are characters you write about, but why are they all male? The main character of your book is female. Doesn't she talk?" Mary Sue inquired.
"The Princess and all my female leads don't talk because I'm them. I write myself in as them." Amanda explained. "It's fun to be the heroine."
"You just want to be Sarah and get the Goblin King" Mary Sue teased.
"Who doesn't?" Amanda smirked.
Shaking her head, the blonde stood and gathered her things. "I have to run, but I'm leaving the book with you. Read it." She glared. "I don't care if it's in bed, the bath, on the toilet, or on your breaks at lunch, just read the book. You'll love it. Maybe it'll give you some inspiration and, can't believe I'm saying this, a new voice to listen to.''
"You just want me to write you a smutty fanfic."
"Won't complain if you do." She grinned. "Read it!" she called over her shoulder as she dashed for the door.
Amanda watched her friend leave. " Read it in the bed or the bath, she says. " She scoffed. "But that's when I write smut for Jareth."
Picking up the book and examined it. The cover was black with an image of two hands holding a red apple on it. "Twilight." She mumbled as she ran her finger over the title. "I've probably had to suffer through worse in school." Amanda tossed the book in her bag and headed out, her nearly empty cup of hot chocolate in hand.
Walking down the streets, she admired the twinkle lights, holly, and trees that decorated the shops. There were couples holding hands as they walked down the street and children building snowmen. Pulling her winter coat tighter around her body, Amanda hurried home to relax for the rest of the day.
Entering her small apartment, the young author flicked on the light and placed her bag down after locking the door. Looking around she smiled at the life-size posters of Jareth around the room. "I'm home your majesty."
She grinned. Amanda lived alone and her the only people she had to talk to most of the time were the characters she wrote about. While Jareth the Goblin King wasn't her creation, he had been her childhood crush and she enjoyed writing fanfiction for him. It was stress relief for her and allowed her to, in a way, live out her childhood fantasies. She didn't understand why, but finishing a story about Jareth filled her with a greater sense of accomplishment than finishing one of her original stories ever did.
After changing into her pajamas, she turned on the Christmas lights, dimmed the main lights, and made herself comfortable on the couch. Grabbing Mary Sue's book from her bag, she pulled her Santa blanket over herself and decided to try reading.
After reading the first paragraph, Amanda groaned. "Great, it's first-person. I hate first-person stories. Why did Mary Sue think I would enjoy this?" She asked the empty room. Despite her dislike for the point of view, she continued reading down the page, hoping it was worth her time.
By the time she finally reached the end of chapter 1, she was ready to throw the book out the window. "This is a national bestseller?" She tossed her blanket aside and made her way to the kitchen. "Now I need chocolate." She rummaged through her cabinets until she found some leftover Halloween candy. After 4 mini Snickers, 2 Reese's cups, and a large tootsie roll, Amanda returned to the couch with a large glass of eggnog.
"If I knew that was what people wanted to read I would have published my diary, at least that has some steamy parts." She said to herself as she settled on the couch again. Please let this get better the further I read." She quietly pleaded. Opening the book to chapter 2, she forced herself to keep reading.
~*~*~/.../~*~*~
While Amanda silently read, in what she thought was an empty room, two small goblins sat on the table by her and listened to her groan at how horrible the book was. "If book so crappy, why lady reads it?" The brown goblin called Fudgy questioned.
Grump, the chubby green goblin at his side shrugged. They knew she couldn't see or hear them, most mortals couldn't. "She should writes more instead of reads bad book." Fudgy nodded in agreement.
They continued watching her, but both looked at the other when they heard her say, "If this is what sells, maybe I should give up writing. I don't think I'm able to write anything this dull and boring."
"Oh, noes!" Grump cried. "Lady can't stops writing.''
"We needs to tell Kingy," Fudgy said as he hopped off the table. Grump followed and together they hurried home to the castle beyond the Goblin City.
~*~*~/.../~*~*~
King Jareth sat in his study, reading the newest holiday story from one of his scribes. He always found their stories amusing and some even gave him some interesting ideas of things to try with his Queen, especially the stories from the scribes he called his citrus Queens.
His scribes provided more than entertainment though, they provided magic. The stories his scribes wrote kept his Kingdom alive, for the greatest power is that of belief. The world had moved on, as it often did, and people no longer believed in magic or those that live in the Underground. While humans weren't necessary for survival, most magical beings found them useful and entertaining, Jareth was no exception. He loved hearing stories about himself.
His reading was interrupted by the appearance of 2 frantic goblins. "Kingy! Kingy!" they shouted.
"Quiet!" He bellowed. "Now this better be important. You know you're not allowed to simply appear in my study."
"Kingy, Lady say she not going to writes anymore." Grump quickly explained
"What?" Jareth stood. "One of my scribes is no longer writing? Why?"
"She reads poopy book and says she not good enough," Fudgy told him.
"Well, that won't do at all." He grabbed his cloak. "Which of my scribes was it?"
"Pretty Lady." Grump grinned.
"You're so helpful,'' Jareth said sarcastically. "They're all pretty ladies." He shook his head. "What was the last story she wrote?" Jareth inquired.
Grump pulled a crumpled paper from his pocket and handed it to the King. "Lady wrote yesterdays."
Jareth smoothed out the page and read it. "I know this writing, its Miss Amanda. Why on Earth would she doubt her skill?" He looked at the clueless goblins who stood there silently. "I shall find the cause of her distress and eliminate it." Before either goblin could blink, the King was gone.