---Enter the Mailboxes of Middle-Earth---
To: Frodo Baggins
From: A rabid fangirl
Subject: I LLLUUUUVVVVV UUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dear Frodo,
You are extremely cute and hot! I have a cute little puppy, but she's not as cute as you! ^______^ I love you sooooooooooo much! Please, please, please respond to your most adoring fan's adoring letter in the history of middle earth and the regular world too.
Love,
Laura ^__^
YOU'RE SOOOOO HHHHOOOOTTTT!!!
________________________________________________________________________
To: Legolas
Form Aragorn
Subject: Slash fics
Legolas,
I was reading fan fiction the other day when I came across a strange story called 'A man and an Elf'. I proceeded to read it and immediately wished I hadn't. The story was about you and me and was, needless to say, very… wrong. I was wondering if you had come across any of these stories, and if they are very common. If I find many more of these, I fear we may be forced to rebel. Do you agree?
Get back to me on this topic,
Aragorn
To: Ragna the Urple
From: The Urple bandits
Subject: Paint order
Dear Ragna the Urple,
We, the Urple bandits, are running short on our supply of Urple paint. We were wondering if you could please deliver some more ASAP, because we have an opportunity to Urple-ize some of the orcs tonight. This plan is top secret, but it will result in many Urple students and many Urple orcs.
Thank you for your cooperation,
The Urple Bandits
To: Gollum
From: Frodo
Subject: My finger
Gollum,
It came to my attention the other day that, although you are dead, you hold my finger in your possession. I was wondering if, because you're dead and as such have no more use for my finger, if I could have it back.
I eagerly await your decision,
Frodo