Note: I do not own Harry P. Suggested listening: Breathe you in by Stabbing Westward… Enjoy…
Breathe you in
I barely made it through today
Still empty inside
I'm still afraid to feel
Afraid to lose someone again…
If only I could breathe you in
Every drop of you
Stabbing Westward
Cramped, She thought. Cramped and stuffy. Hermione glanced around the overcrowded office room where practically the whole building had filed in to listen to Ms. Stinver explain the new office arrangements. Hermione sighed, watching the kids play in the park across the road. How she envied them. They ran freely and enjoyed the fresh air and sunshine while she was cooped up in the office typing till her fingers hurt and her back ached from bending over.
It didn't matter. It distracted from the pain and allowed her mind to snuggle into rest. She had done nothing the whole weekend except wallow in self-pity for the man who her daddy said, 'Didn't even deserve her.'
He didn't know the whole story… never would. She wouldn't ever tell him that it was his daughter who was stained… imperfect…
Hermione ran her hand along the top of the office cuticle, the metal cool under her fingertips. She didn't even hear what Ms. Stinver was saying. It passed through one ear and out the other. She would have to get it from Steve later.
Slowly, she closed her eyes losing herself in her thoughts. No, her daddy would never know that she wouldn't feel for him, couldn't feel for him…
He was perfect, wonderful, amazing… which was why she pushed herself away. It was why she tortured herself through these pains. Reminding herself that if it had gotten much farther they would be worse…
They had been worse once. She remembered the pain vividly. The stabbing at her heart, the sickening empty feeling. It had been her fault then, and would be again.
She was engulfed in a memory of Harry telling her that it had been her fault their marriage had failed… all her.
She had run to the bar to seek refuge in the bottle, but what she found was a blessing. She had found him… Grey eyes comforting and a shoulder to cry on…
But… after a wonderful romantic month, she pushed him away. Afraid…
Afraid to get to deep
Afraid to get lost
Afraid to fall…
Hermione remembered lying in bed, moonlight covering their entangled bodies like a silver sheet. Or…walking in the rain, eating ice cream on the corner store while sharing a laugh…
She had never pictured him as that kind of person while in school, but he had completely swept her off her feet and carried her into the sunset on a beautiful white stallion.
I guess you learn something new everyday.
Hermione walked back to her desk, still dazed by her thoughts after the meeting ending. Subconsciously glancing up at the clock and discovering the meeting had taken up the last thirty minutes of work. She closed her station and grabbed her things.
She sighed at the thought of returning to an empty house. Sinking into her car, she started the ignition. Waving at the kids in the park as she past, Hermione smiled faintly. They were innocence at its best.
Hermione's eyes widened when she pulled into her driveway to find him standing on her front porch leaning against the pole that held up the porch roof.
She clambered out of the car, pulling her purse with her. Softly and slowly, she walked to the front door where she whispered as if afraid to be heard. "What are you doing here?"
He shrugged, pushing away from the wall. "To see you, of course."
Hermione turned the key, waiting for the click of the lock, before responding. "Draco…"
Why did he do this to her? Why did he show up at her door when she was still in turmoil? Couldn't he see that she was unsure? That she didn't know…
Hermione turned around, pushing open the door. "I thought you understood," she whispered, and tiny droplets of water splattered onto the cement, and shook the tree leaves. "I thought you knew that I didn't know."
"What…?" Draco backed up a step as if him being rejected was something that never happened.
"I told you that I needed time…space." Hermione pushed a stray piece of hair from her eyes, watching him.
This was a disease, she thought. She pushed away all that she loved for her own selfish reasons.
"Hermione, I gave you three weeks. You didn't call…" Draco was watching her. He had never expected himself to be at the call of a muggle-born, but here he was…enraptured and nothing he could do to change it.
"I KNOW!" She slung her purse into the living room, hearing the dull thud of it hitting the couch. "And I'm sorry, but I can't…"
Draco took another step back, so he was standing on the porch step in the rain. "Okay…that's fine. I'm sorry I bothered you." Carelessly, he disappeared. Hermione glanced down the street to see if the normal peepers were watching closely.
Finding that Ms. Uger was not walking Sammie, her poodle and Mr. Rihne was not tending to him azalea bushes, she ducked inside.
It didn't take long to figure out what just happened. Her mind finally registering it, she willed the tears to stay at bay.
She collapsed on the couch, staring at the ceiling. The emptiness filled her… the aching void.
Why did she push him away… when he was all she wanted…
Just to feel his arms around her once again…
She just wanted to entangle herself in the sheets, laughing… run in the rain… kiss in the moonlight…
She sighed, Romancing it just a tad to much, Hermione. You could do that with any one… It was just that special moment…when he caught you off guard… and walking in the rain… was that planned? Uh, no…
But, these thought only made her want to cry more…
It was the reckless abandon… the impulsive desires to just do something, which was his appeal…
Hermione sat up, wiping furiously at the tears. Angry with herself for loosing her head, she stood from the comfy cushions, stomping into the kitchen.
This wasn't supposed to be how life was… she was supposed to live it to the fullest…
Instead, she felt wrapped up in failed loves…
Why try?
They never seem to complete me… only leave me in pain…
She decided, right there that she would never again let them overtake her like this…
But, inside she knew… they would never take her like he had…
Because he had never returned what he had so carelessly taken…
End Note: Okay, there it is… Love to hear what you have to say about it… :