prequel

Remus looked up from his bed where he was sitting, working on his Transfiguration essay. He could see Sirius lying on his bed across the way, feet crossed, arms behind his head, and eyes closed. Remus knew he wasn't asleep. This was a ritual of sorts. Every day after their last class Remus would sit on his bed doing homework and Sirius would sit on his own pretending to sleep. Sometimes Sirius would speak, but usually he said nothing, and the room was filled with companionable silence.

Lately, however, Remus was finding that it was impossible for him to finish any homework during this time.

Sirius was gorgeous, his hair fanned out over a pillow, his slim torso hugged by his famous one-size-too-small shirts, and his long legs stretching the length of the bed. And then there was his face; his amazingly beautiful face. His perfect pink lips, thin nose, smiling cheeks, and, of course, his eyes. Remus loved his deep eyes; eyes that no one could describe. People always fumbled when asked what color they were. Most would end up with gray, but some said teal, some turquoise, some green, aquamarine, hazel, and even sometimes orange. Remus knew what color they were, of course. But he would never say it out loud. To Remus, the color of Sirius' eyes did not have a name. The closest any word ever got was beautiful. Simply beautiful.

Remus had admitted to himself long ago that he was obsessed. As far back as fourth year, he'd known that he was in love. And now here they were, entering their final year, and nothing had changed. He knew nothing could ever come of this infatuation of his. Sirius was straight. Completely, totally, and painfully straight. Worse than that, he was straight and girls loved him. He was Hogwarts Heartthrob without competition, and he didn't even have to work on it.

With a sigh, Remus returned to his essay. It wasn't due for another week, but he had no other assignments and he refused to miss this time, which he had dubbed his Padfoot-Watching Time, for anything.

"Remus, why don't you have a girlfriend?" Sirius' voice broke the silence.

"Uh, I…um…you see..." Remus struggled for the words to answer Sirius' question. Although Remus knew the answer, he was not about to tell Sirius that he was in love. With a guy. And it just happened to be him. No, that would never do.

"You can tell me, you know. I mean, there are plenty of pretty girls who think you're incredibly handsome! And if you tell me it's because of that stupid werewolf thing I'll hit you." Crap. That was what he had just thought of saying. Now what?

"I. Uh. Well, I…uhmgay." Whoa. He wasn't planning on that coming out. It was so jumbled, though, that he doubted Sirius could understand it anyway. He really didn't want to have to lie to Sirius, though. He was pretty sure that Sirius would see right through him.

"Huh?" Well maybe it was the perfect excuse after all; he was pretty sure Sirius would accept his sexuality.

"I'm…uhm…I'm gay." It was out. In way it felt good, although he was still nervous how Sirius would respond.

"I can't say that's much of a surprise, but why didn't you tell me before?" Sirius was sitting up now, eyes intent on Remus, who was staring at his essay with fervor never before put towards homework.

Wait. Not a surprise? That wasn't right.

"Not a surprise? What do you mean?"

"Well, you know, you've never had a steady girlfriend, not even as much as a crush! At first I thought you were just shy, but eventually…well let's just say I had my suspicions." Oh. "So why didn't you tell me or James?" Because I'm in love with you. No.

"I guess I was just scared you wouldn't accept me." Close enough, anyway.

"You know I'd accept you no matter what, Remus." It was true. No matter what. Except if he was in love with him, of course.

"Yeah…but I can't say it was exactly rational." That was true too.

Sirius got up and made his was to Remus' bed, sitting next to him. The truth was that he wasn't awfully surprised, but honestly happy. Maybe all wasn't lost. Sirius had wanted Remus since he was 15, but he had never wanted to ruin their friendship. And, although Sirius trusted his friends completely, he too wasn't sure of their reactions. That and he was known as a lady's man, which was all but true. Sure, girls flirted with him, and sure, he flirted back sometimes, but he had never put any feeling into any of his escapades. In fact, now that Lily Evans and James were connected at the hip. It was revolting to Sirius, although he didn't understand why until well into his fourth year. The repulsion did nothing to help his reputation, however, and he was still thought to get around more than anyone in the school. He didn't shatter the rumors because, frankly, it gave him an easy way out of awkward conversations about his sexuality. But now he was reconsidering his silence.

"Remus."

"Yeah Padfoot?" He loved it when Remus called him Padfoot.

"Um…I empathize."

"You have your vocabulary all mixed up, Sirius. You mean that you sympathize." Sirius thought that it was going to be harder than he thought.

"Uh. No. No, I do mean I empathize."

"To empathize you have to be in the same or a similar situation, Sirius." Uh, yeah, that was the idea.

"I know. I guess what I mean, Remus, is that I am too. Gay, I mean." There was a pause, and then Remus started to laugh. Head-thrown-back, full-out laughter. Shit. "I mean it, Remus." The laughter started to die down a little, and then Remus looked at him. Full on, in the eyes.

"But…but what about all those girls?" His reputation was backfiring.

"None of it had any meaning, Remus, it was just for fun. I guess I might be bi or something. I dunno."

"But…but so many people said..."

"So many people lied, you mean. No, I wasn't in love with any of those girls, even if they told you I was."

"Oh. So…were there boys, then?" Remus' heart sunk at the thought. He could deal with the thought of other girls; it was obvious what they had that he lacked. But boys he wasn't sure about.

"No, actually, I'm just as loveless as you, dear Moony," Sirius said with a small chuckle.

By now Sirius was sitting by Remus on his bed. Remus was staring at him, essay forgotten, dumbfoundedly staring at his face. Remus marveled at him. The gorgeous lady-killer Sirius Black was gay and sitting in front of him, fiddling nervously at the blankets he was sitting on.

"So why haven't you told me?" Remus asked curiously.

"Same reason as you, I suppose, scared to lose you guys' friendship."

"Ah. That won't happen, just to let you know," Remus felt the need to reassure Sirius that he was dedicated. He really was beautiful. Remus knew that this didn't up his chances, though; they were still just friends. Telling him would make things awkward.

Sirius could feel Remus' eyes on him and tell that he was being stared at. And then he felt warmth creep up his cheeks. Wait. What? Sirius Black did not blush. He was used to getting stared at! Why did his cheeks feel the need to change color NOW? Ugh. He decided that it must be because he had never actually cared about what those other girls thought, because he definitely cared about Remus' opinion. Sirius toyed with the idea of just outright telling him he loved him; after all they were already on the subject of embarrassing revelations. But he was scared. Scared to death of rejection.

Sirius brought his eyes up to stare back at Remus, and his breath caught at the flash of emotion he saw in Remus' eyes before it was quickly hidden. Sirius may not have ever loved any of those girls, but he knew that look they got in their eyes when they were hooked. And he was sure he had just seen it in Remus' amber eyes. More than anything at that moment Sirius wanted to simply lean in and kiss him, but then a possibility occurred to him. Maybe it was simply a look of friendly love. That was probably it. It wasn't worth the risk.

Just then the door slammed open and James rushed in. James stopped short when he saw Sirius and Remus together. It wasn't that James was surprised that Remus and Sirius were together, but that they had this look. They were serious, and he could tell that they had been talking about something important.

"What're you guys talking about?" He asked.

"I'm gay." Remus just spurted it out before his brain could think about it and tell his mouth not to. James chuckled a bit, and a small smile lit up his face.

"No shit. I saw that one coming." Remus was a little put off by the fact that no one seemed surprised. He must not have been as good at hiding it as he had thought.

"I…er…metoo." Sirius forced it out of his mouth before it shut on him completely.

"Wait. What?" James was confused now.

"Me too. I'm gay too." Sirius was getting tired of saying that. "And before you ask, my reputation is made of complete rumors. I may have gotten around a bit, but there were never any feelings involved. Besides basic hornyness, of course." Sirius was right; James had been about to mention the famous reputation.

"Oh."