-1
It's been a long day. I can always tell that's it been a long day when I start to dream of what could've been. What will never be.
In my dreams, I return and she's waiting for me, with our young children by her side as she walks the land, talking to the tenants and servants alike, making sure all is right in our little piece of the world.
She's only here for a little while longer, only waiting until I return to watch our children and manor. Then she's off, to do the King's bidding. Life with one of the few Lady Knight's can be trying.. but life without her is unthinkable.
As she sees me ride in, she smiles, and runs into my arms. She feels like home. Our children gather round us, and for a second I feel as if I could burst with happiness…
Suddenly, my reverie is shattered, as my horse stumbles slightly. I glance around to see if anyone had noticed my lapse.. They were all as tired as I, perhaps more so. I shake my head in disgust… Must stop thinking of her. She isn't mine. "Hoy, Verin, Trilt, lets get these last bits of crops in… looks like rain there in the north… best we get a move on." My men nod, and work resumes once again. My mind wanders, slowly, back to her face.
Of course, she once was mine, but I gave her up. To save what had been mine since birth. Now, she was but a friend, if you could call her even that. Seeing her brings on an agony that few can ever truly know. I usually avoid her when I can. As if by avoiding her, I can avoid the truth. I still love her, and not my wife, Ermelian, savior of Kennan.