I wrote this a long time ago, but after the season 6 finale I decided to do a major rewrite and put it up here. Characters are not mine. This is sandles.
It was raining the night I gave Grissom my notice. It hardly ever rains in Vegas, but that night the heavens just opened up. That was okay. The freak downpour suited my mood. I was embarking on a new beginning, so why was I having to fight back tears?
I passed Sara on my way to the locker room. "Hey, Greg," she called out as I passed her, but I didn't answer. If I'd looked at her I wouldn't have been able to do it, so without a backward glance I just kept on going. As I did I recited in my mind every rejection, every slight, right on up to the final one - the fact that she was now sleeping with Grissom. I remembered how it felt to see her making cow eyes at Hank, how she'd laughed at me when I'd asked her what he had that I didn't. After that it had hit me - what he had was her her. He had her attention, her time, her sleek body arching under his as she screamed his name - the thought of it made me want to hurt him. Then they broke up, and I again began to hope that one day, one day she might give me a chance. I wouldn't blow it by mistreating her, or cheating on her, or making her feel small and meaningless. When she was assigned to train me we grew closer, and I was patient, because I knew she'd never, ever get involved with someone under her care. To her, that would be using me - never mind that I wanted the involvement. No, I would have to wait yet again. Wait I did, wait and hope until at long last I was really a CSI.
By that time we were close friends, and my feelings for her had deepened far beyond the boyish infatuation I'd felt shortly after we met. Now I had also partaken of the dark things that haunt the dreams off all CSI's; I had nightmares and horrifying images of my own to contend with. We stood toe to toe on equal ground, warriors whose battle scars are held deep inside.
Then Nick stopped by Sara's apartment one night after visiting Brass in the hospital, and there was Grissom, half-dressed on her sofa, and the last of my hope died. She and Grissom were lovers. She slept in his bed. I wondered if he was any good, if he made her gasp and call out his name in ecstasy. The thought made me want to cry, and I couldn't help but picture it every time I saw her now. It was killing me. On some level I knew I was running away, but it didn't matter. I couldn't stay, not now - not and stay sane.
Grissom was alone in his office, so I stepped in - no time like the present. If I put it off I might not ever get around to it. I cleared my throat. "Grissom, I need to talk to you for a minute."
He nodded to a chair in front of his desk. "Have a seat, Greg. What can I do for you?"
Afterward, he seemed sad. "I wish I could talk you out of it, but the North Carolina SBI lab in Raleigh is a good one. Our lab is better, but theirs is good."
I shrugged. "They offered me a great deal, and I like the area. I have friends in Chapel Hill, and they love it there."
Grissom gave me a probing look. "Why do I feel there's more to this than you're telling me?" I didn't answer. It wasn't like I could tell him what the problem was. "Obviously you'll have the best possible references. And Greg? If you change your mind in the next few weeks, the door will still be open for you."
I nodded thanks and slipped out of the room. It was going to be a rough two weeks.
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Catherine confronted me a week later. "Greg Sanders, I am so mad at you I can't see straight! I come in tonight and Grissom tells me you're LEAVING! " She flopped down ina chair and continued. "You never said word one about being unhappy here. If you had, I personally would've made sure you got taken care of." She paused, her eyes softening. "Stay. Take back your notice and stay here where you belong."
I looked down. "I wish I could. I'm not unhappy with the lab, Catherine. I'm doing this for personal reasons."
"Personal reasons!" This clearly made her even angrier; her eyes were glowing blue flame now. "Then why didn't you come to me about it? You know I'm your friend; I can help you..."
I shook my head. "Not this time, Catherine. This time, nobody can help. The best I can hope for is to get away and hopefully heal."
"This is about Sara, isn't it." Catherine's expression hardened. "Greg, you can't leave us over her. You just can't."
I closed my eyes. "I have to. I can't take it any more, not since this thing with her and Grissom. If I stay it's going to destroy me. Maybe somewhere else I can start over, get past this, but I can't see them together every day and keep my sanity. You have to understand, Catherine. I want her to be happy, but this is tearing me up inside."
"What I understand is that you're running away. I never took you to be a quitter. And for the record, I have an idea how you feel. Warrick Brown." With that, she turned and stalked off.
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Twenty minutes later Nick strides in. "We gotta talk."
I sighed. "You heard."
"Hell yeah I heard. Thanks for telling me, FRIEND. I had to get it from Catherine."
"I was going to tell you, Nick."
"When - at the end of your last shift?" He sighed. "What I want to know is why."
I sighed. "It's complicated. I got a great offer from the SBI lab in North Carolina..."
"No, that would be where. What I asked was why. Did one of us say or do something?"
I looked down at the table. "You didn't do anything, Nick."
"Hell, I know that." He studied me carefully, and I could see the awareness dawning in his eyes. "I know why, and I know who. Sara." He leaned back against the counter. "It's the thing between Sara and Grissom, isn't it? Okay, let's talk about this."
I was getting tired of exposing my guts. I was getting mad, if you want to know the truth. "No, Nick, let's NOT talk about it. Talking about it isn't going to change anything. Sara and Grissom are a couple now. Things are the way they are, and they aren't going to change. I have to go; it's killing me a little every day."
Nick sighed. "Greg, man, you can't let her get to you..."
"She already has, Nick. I'm not like you; I can't just turn my feelings off and move on to someone else. I love her, and she doesn't love me. Now I know she never will. I can't take being reminded of that every night. I have to get out of here." I turned away. "I'll miss you guys."
I heard the door click as he let himself out.
The rest of the night passed without incident. Sara and Warrick were out on a case and thankfully hadn't returned at shift change, so I went home. I was sitting on my sofa drinking wine from a coffee cup - by then I was on cup number three - when the phone rang. I groaned; tonight and tomorrow night I was supposed to be off, so it was probably Grissom calling me in. He already had the woman I loved, and now he was after my night off as well I felt rather sorry for myself - so much so, in fact, that I let the answering machine pick up.
It wasn't Grissom. I heard sniffling and breathing for maybe ten seconds, then a hesitant, soft voice. "Greg. Greg, ummm, I need to talk to you." It was Sara, and she sounded like she'd been crying. "I'll, ummm, I'll call later. Bye."
Catherine or Nick had talked to her. They'd probably made her feel so guilty she'd felt like she had to call to convince me to stay. Guilt could be a potent thing, but I wasn't really wanting to salve her conscience at that point. I was more into soothing my own broken heart. I poured myself another cup of wine.
The phone rang again, and again I let the machine pick up. Sara again "Greg, (sniff), I have to talk to you. I know you're home. Please pick up..." No, Sara, I don't fucking THINK so.
Less than five minutes later, I heard a tentative knock at my door. She knew I was home because she was sitting in front of my apartment. Shit. Didn't see that one coming. I walked over to the door, put my hand on the knob. I knew she didn't care about me; she was here because she felt guilty. I couldn't handle this.
Then I heard a soft sob on the other side of the door. That sound undid me; I turned the knob and let her in.
"Sara."
She pushed past me into my apartment. She didn't say anything, just stood with her back to me. Finally she spoke.
"Please don't leave me." She spun around, and I saw that her eyes were puffy and bloodshot. She stepped toward me. "Please."
I took a deep breath. "Sara, I..."
She stepped forward and took my hands. "You can't go."
"I... I have to. I can't do this any more."
She was openly crying again. "If you go, I'll follow you. I swear I will."
I shook my head. "Sara, I have to go. You shouldn't feel guilty. You have Grissom now. I want you to be happy..."
"I don't HAVE Grissom. I only HAD Grissom twice, andthat was a huge mistake. What happened... It wasn't anything I expected, anything I'd planned. I'd given up on him, the feelings had faded. Then he came by my apartment after Brass got shot. We talked... and things happened. It was a mistake, one we both regretted." She shook her head and turned. "I can't lose you, Greg." She walked over to the window and looked out. "I can't."
"I'm sorry, Sara. I can't keep hovering in emotional limbo any more. You of all people should understand how that feels."
She spun around to face me. "Then stay and let's explore what this is between us, where it could go. Let's take a chance, Greg. Stay. If it doesn't work and you still want to go, I'll let you - only don't leave without giving us a chance."
My heart was about to beat out of my chest. "Sara, I..."
She stepped up to me and took one of my hands in hers. Gently she touched her lips to mine. I was lost. I tangled my free hand in her dark hair and kissed her back...