Curled up in a small ball I sat in the corner. My legs held close to my chest, the tears ran down my face, as they had for the last few hours. I couldn't help in, he was lost and now I'd never have him. He had gone out looking for me and now he'd never end up back here. I felt my heart pain me again as I thought of look that must be on his face right now. All the scraps he must have all over him, or anything that was worse. Why did I have to be so dumb? I should have gone after him, but I was scared he might judge me for how I was. Yes he had seen me like this before but never at this state.
The blood dripping from my long fangs from the last animal I had devoured. I couldn't face him that way. The last look I saw on his face was a look of fear a look that I had never seen on his face before. This was a new look for me. Why was it that he never showed fear, or maybe I should be asking why was it that it surprised me that he could show fear? Everyone gets scared sometimes right?
And then my thoughts stopped my ears had picked up a noise, the noise of a door opening. Then I heard the footsteps, then the breath, and then—"Moony!" Sirius screamed running into the room and pulling me into a hug. "I thought I had lost you back there." He whispered in my ear.
"I'm sorry Padfoot I didn't mean to scare you." I said looking away from him. I could face him, again.
"Moony it's okay, I mean…just don't freak me out like that again okay?" He said pulling out of the hug. "We can't lose you. I mean think about how much detentions we'd have from Evens if you weren't here to convince her some how that we don't need them." He laughed. I nodded. "Have you been crying?" He asked as his hand stretched out and wiped away a tear that was still making its way down my cheek.
I pulled away from his touch; the tingling sensation was making me shiver. "Yea a little, you scared me too." I said looking away again. He grabbed my arm as I tried to walk away. "I'm okay Moony, you're okay. Everything is fine now, you don't have to worry." He said trying to catch my eyes but they drifted away again from his.
"I know, I know. You need to get cleaned up Sirius. Come on we can and see Madam Pomfrey." I said wiping my face on my ripped sleeve and walking over to the door.
"Remus why won't you look at me?!" He ask angrily. I closed my eyes and opened the door. "I don't want to talk right now Sirius, let's just get cleaned up, okay?" I said still not looking over at him.
"No Remus it's not okay! You're my friend! Friends talk and friends look at each other! You're not getting off with this!" He said pulling me back into the room I was trying to walk out of and the conversation. "Tell me what's wrong!" He demanded again.
"I thought I had lost you in the woods. I thought that you would never find your way back here. I thought…I thought you were dead." I said quietly. "I don't know what I'd have done if you were really gone."
"Remus—"Can we just go now Sirius, I don't want to talk about this anymore." I said wriggling my arm out of his hand and walking over to the door again. "I'm sorry…I don't know why but I am." Sirius said still standing in the middle of the room.
"If there's no reason to be sorry don't tell me you are! You don't have to feel sorry for me!" I said bitterly as I finally walked out of the room.
XxXx
"How are you feeling Mister Lupin?" Madam Pomfrey asked as I sat down on one of the beds. "Fine I guess," I mumbled.
"Here take this and you can go up to bed you look tired." She said handing me a small glass full of a blue liquid. I gulped it down and thanked her before leaving the wing.
"Common Moony," Sirius said coming up beside me. "You should have went in and got yourself fixed up." I said looking at his face which at the moment wasn't bleeding too bad.
"Nah, I don't like how it smells in there. Anyways I can just get you to fix me up, right?" He said smiling. He seemed to forget what all had gone on in the woods. Did he want to act as if it never happened? Or was he just dropping it for now and then bring it up tomorrow or something?
We walked in silence for awhile before Sirius finally spoke again. "How come you cried when you thought I was dead? I've never seen you cry before." He said looking over at me and for the first time in a long time I looked him in the eyes. And what I saw was not normal. Again like fear another emotion had arised that I had never seen on Sirius' face. It was hard to explain, it was like a sad kind of curiosity.
"You're my best friend Sirius, I don't have many, if I lost you…it'd be like my world had just ended." I said still looking him in the eyes. And this time he looked away. His eyes traveled down to my watch which was exposed. "I-I think I will go get cleaned up. I'll see you later okay." And then he ran off.
Had I scared him? Had I said something that he didn't want to hear? Or had I said just what he thought I would, but that's not what he wanted to hear. And what was with the watch thing?
I walked back up to the common room quietly. I saw the people around me yet at the same time it was as if they didn't really exist. As if they were shadows and nothing more. I couldn't hear them, my head was buzzing with reasons for why Sirius might have run off. And when I got to the painting it took me a moment before I finally realized that she wasn't there. So I sat down and waited for her to get back, or for someone to come out. I had been there for a few minuets before the door finally opened. "Remus what are you doing out here?" The red head asked as she stepped out.
"Waiting for the fat lady to come back." I said sliding up the wall to were I was once again standing. "That's not nice Remus, where's Sirius? I know James is in detention but Sirius just sort of left with out saying anything to anyone."
"I'm not sure." I lied. "But where would our head girl be heading at the hour?" I asked raising my eye brows.
"To porthole t he halls, what else?!" She said glaring at me. "Do you always go potholing the halls in a dress?" I asked smirking as she looked down and blushed. "Okay maybe that's not what I'm doing. But I'm not telling you."
"Oh really you're not are you?" I said smiling as she shook her head and started walking front of me. My smile grew as I reached forward and pulled her into me started to tickle her. Her high laugh echoed off the wall of the corridor. "Merlin Lily you have a loud laugh." I giggled as she tried to wiggle free. Finally she gasped. "I'll tell you." I stopped the tickling and let her speak. "I'm going to see Sirius. I know, I know what you're thinking…but he's not quite the ass James is and—what's wrong?"
I felt my heart rip, he left me to go see her. He asked her out even though he knew that James was in love with her. He betrayed two friends in one night. "What the fuck is wrong with you Lily!?" I yelled and she took a step back. "What do you mean? Why are you yelling at me?"
"You know that James is in love with you yet you go out with Sirius anyway! I mean really Lily I thought you were smarter then that!" I said pushing her into the wall. "Do even realize what James is going to do to Sirius once he finds out?! Are you trying to kill him? And why the hell would he ask you out anyway!? I mean James and him are like brothers!—"Remus he didn't ask me out, I asked him." She said interrupting my yelling.
"And why the hell would you do that?!" I asked trying not yell quite as loud seeing as there were people who were still asleep.
"Because I wanted to. I don't need to explain my reasoning to you!