Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds
The heart has its reasons that reason knows nothing of.
Blaise Pascal, Pensées, 1670
There were moments in life that Spencer Reid wished he knew how to interact with others normally without rambling on about facts and statistics.
Actually, the times he wished to be able to casually talk to both females and males had increased and occurred more frequently now then they had in the past.
He was a genius, he knew why he always relied on his facts and statistics, almost using them as a mask to cover up his true self. It was because they were the only things he trusted to understand and be able to use correctly. He could not say anything wrong, only say too much. But he would rather be accused of speaking too much nonsense then having people laugh at him for his poor conversation-skills.
But where the borders of his knowledge run further then most could imagine he had grown up defending himself, alienating himself and being alone because of that knowledge. Because possessing an abnormal amount of knowledge is not easily accepted in a normal society.
It seemed that the only place he had any chance of fitting in was at the Behavioral Analysis Unit. And he had to admit, his co-workers were nice and he thought of them as family. But he wasn't used to showing people that and thus most of the time snowed everyone under with facts and statistics.
And after he had found out he harbored secret and forbidden feelings for one of his colleagues his ability to converse normally with the people he worked with daily had decreased staggeringly.
The fear of someone finding out about his, in the eye of the general public, abnormal feelings was to great and he would rather hide those feelings forever then lose the people he thought family.
"Pretty Boy?"
Reid turned to watch Derek Morgan, the one driving him home that night, when he called out his nickname for the genius. The tone, although upbeat as usual, carried a somewhat worried note to it and it freaked Spencer out.
He watched with his hazel eyes as Morgan's eyes flickered to him before turning back to the road. In his opinion the man was everything he was not. Strong in both body and mind, happy most of the time and a good friend to all that deserved it.
A grimace, although unwanted, crossed Spencer's face when he thought of all the women he had seen Morgan with. It was a constant reminder of what he wanted but could not have, was not allowed to have. At one time he had even decided it was better his love for Derek could not be returned. Because if it were, he would be even more of an outsider. Of course, that thought was discarded fairly quickly. He had been an outsider his entire life, it didn't matter.
"What's wrong, Pretty Boy? You've been awfully silent." Morgan asked and Reid noticed his hands gripped the steering-wheel just the littlest bit tighter. Almost as if the man was very worried or angry.
A frown marred Spencer's pale face as he thought of things this action could mean. So far he had done nothing to upset Morgan and he couldn't really believe the man was this worried by his silence.
That meant something else was wrong but he wasn't given the time to ponder the subject for Morgan called out to him again: "Reid? Stop thinking for a moment and tell me what's wrong."
Reid looked up at Morgan, blinking almost owlishly and an amused smile found its way to his lips.
"Right," Morgan chuckled. "Impossible question."
Spencer hummed in agreement and turned back to stare out of the window. He knew he was childishly avoiding Morgan's question but this was the only way he could contain himself.
Because being alone in a car with the man you've loved for months is hard on someone who wants nothing more than to be loved as more than a brother.
In the window-reflection he could see that Morgan shot him another worried glance. He worried his thin, pink lips and prayed the man would leave the issue alone. Because even though a lie of him being tired was easily made, it always hurt to lie to Morgan.
Nervously Reid fidgeted with his shirt as he stood in the light of a street-lantern on the pavement, waiting for Morgan to get out of the car.
When parking in front of Spencer's place the BAU-agent had told the genius he was coming inside whether Reid agreed with that or not. Of course, the brown-haired man had spluttered against that but Morgan had silenced his protests with one look.
Suddenly a hand was pressed against his shoulder and Reid's lanky figure was steered towards his home with the words: "Let's get inside, Pretty Boy."
"Coffee?" Spencer asked when they had removed their coats and both Morgan and he were sitting on his moss-green couch.
Right now, he would do anything to flee the scene.
"Reid," Morgan sighed and turned to look at the genius, worry now clear on his face and his eyebrows drawn together in a small frown. "Everyone's noticed."
The genius froze on his spot, watching his friend like a deer caught in headlights and his mind tried to grasp the reality of the situation.
Everyone had noticed.
He knew who everyone was, but what had they noticed? Had they seen he had become more pale, that he spoke less or had they actually noticed his true feelings which he had been trying so hard to bury.
"N-noticed what?" He squeaked and mentally scolded himself for doing so in this situation.
"Everyone noticed you've become absent-minded." Morgan said and then he turned his eyes away. "Garcia has a different theory."
Reid swallowed and his heart missed a beat. Garcia was sure to know. She saw and knew everything even before he himself figured things out. He was doomed, going to be turned down and heartbroken before the night was over.
Morgan moved himself closer to the genius and reached out a hand to lay it atop of Reid's shoulder with a compassionate gaze. "Have you been turned down recently, Reid?" He asked softly, gently and very not like Morgan.
Spencer shivered at the touch that sent a warmth coursing through his entire body but blinked at what he was asked. "W-what?"
Morgan squeezed Spencer's shoulder gently. "Tell me who it was Pretty Boy, I'll smack some sense into them."
Hope flared inside Reid when he watched the dark, gorgeous man in front of him. He tried to beat it down but couldn't. For some reason, his head won't listen anymore and he found himself whispering "Why?" without actually wanting to.
He didn't want to know why. Because it might crash his little illusion.
Morgan smiled at the shy question and pushed himself closer to Reid again until their thighs were touching. He chuckled when the genius gasped and calmly explained: "Because you're special, Spencer."
Reid's heart skipped a beat. His name being spoken in that sinful voice felt way too good. And then there was that word. Special. Again, he didn't want to ask but he had to know, needed to know now that he had gotten this far if he was truly just a friend, perhaps a brother, to the man he loved. "Special?"
When Morgan cupped Reid's cheeks with both of his hands he felt the man shiver first and freeze afterwards. His thumbs stroked circles on Reid's pale, unmarred skin and a smile graced Derek's features. "Yes, very special." He murmured, his eyes meeting hazel ones.
A small blush adorned Spencer's cheeks when he was touched in such a gentle manner. His body shook slightly before he froze, his thoughts running miles an hour as his entire body was trying to figure out what exactly was going on.
And even though he wasn't that good with other people, with their emotions and with holding actual conversations he knew the look in Morgan's eyes. It is familiar because he saw it on his own face in the mirror so many times, always while thinking of Derek.
He couldn't quite believe it, he had always thought Morgan to be into women but looks can't lie, this emotion can't be faked nor could Morgan be so cruel as to actually do that.
And Reid feels like the happiest, most lucky man alive for what shines bright in dark orbs that captivate him is love.
Feeling a surge of both happiness and confidence shoot through his body he asked with a small smile: "Garcia didn't think I was turned down, did she?" Because he couldn't say it outright. He needed reassuring that he wasn't going to be shot down, that this wasn't just his imagination.
"No, Pretty Boy, she didn't." Morgan huskily replied, his fingers still caressing Reid's skin like he was the most fragile of dolls in the world.
"Then -" Spencer started, being a man of facts and wanting to know the truth. But he was interrupted when Morgan shook his head, moving one of his fingers to be placed against his lips to stop the upcoming stream of useless words.
Because they didn't need actual words right now.
"I love you too."
Morgan's voice sounded strong, sure and loving when he spoke of his feelings and Reid fell into his arms, his lips claiming Derek's with passion, enthusiasm and love.
And both men were happy then, not knowing what horrors tomorrow would bring but basking in the happiness that was brought to them today.
There is no surprise more magical than the surprise of being loved. It is God's finger on man's shoulder.
Charles Morgan