Dated : Forever!
For my Best Friend,
Where do I even start? This has to be one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Aside from watching you lie in the hospital bed and almost die, I have struggled with this decision. Please understand why I have chosen to deal with this in this manner. It is because, I can't bear the thought of saying these words to you and receiving your rejection.
Bonnie Bennett, I love you. I love you so much sometimes that I question my sanity. You have come to mean more to me than anyone in this world next to Stefan and Elena. Many might argue that after choosing you over Elena, you have come to mean more to me. I wouldn't argue against it. For years I have fought the energy that draws me to you. The energy that makes me want to be near you, even when I acted as if I could care less about you. The energy was confusing and powerful, it made me question myself, my sanity. You know I hate questioning myself. I'd much rather make a decision and deal with the consequences later.
Well, we both see how much good that has done me over the years. I almost got both you and my brother killed. This will be the last time I can put you through such pain. I have watched you sacrifice yourself for me countless times, and although I know I would sacrifice for you in a heartbeat, I'd rather not put you through any more pain, or disappointment. We all know what a big screw up I am, how disappointing I can be. I can't bear to see anymore disappointment from you. Not enough people put you first, but that is all about to change Bonnie. I have chosen to protect you. From everything that can possibly hurt you.
After giving it much thought, the only way I can honestly think to protect you is to be as far away from you as possible. While you may not believe me, and how hard this is for me to do, I love you that much I am willing to leave the existence you live in, in order for you to be safe. Tyler was right, as long as I am here, everyone I love will probably be hurt or killed trying to protect me. No more. You have one human life, and you deserve to live it to the fullest. If I knew you would let me turn you immortal, and live out an eternity kicking ass with me, I would, but knowing the stubborn witch you are, you would give me an aneurism just for asking.
One last thing, my feelings for you have become confusing since our time we shared in the 1994 prison world. When I got back I was so disturbed by my reality, that functioning without you wasn't possible. You sacrificed yourself for me to come back to Elena. I laugh in utter anguish, as I write this, because you gave up your life for my happiness... mine. No one has really known what you have meant to me since then. You've been selfless countless times. When you did that, I realized how much my happiness relied on you, being present, in my life. Daily. Elena and I were never the same after I got back. I mean, there was still love there, but it had been different. Affected by my love for you. Not only that, but she felt the changes in me. She felt the distance from my mind. I made it my mission to get you back and make everything right, and in doing that, I allowed Kai to come here and hurt you again, thinking he had changed. I was so stupid. But there was no doubt in my mind that after you sacrificed yourself for me back in 94 so that I could live, that I would save your life. So of course, you have been more than my best friend, you have been in some ways, my lover, my supporter, my family, my soulmate. When I see you all I want to do is protect you, and sometimes, be much more than just your friend. Bonnie not a day goes by that I don't imagine what life would be like for you and I in different circumstances. I imagine how beautiful it could have been between us. Wishful thinker of me, right?
I'm sure you can understand where my heart is when you read this letter. If I did this face to face, it would have felt like good bye. I'd like to think about this as more of a til we meet again, (A man can dream). Bottom line, I love you, more than I love myself. I am giving you freedom from me, so you can live life a while and think, and maybe come back to me once you've had time to really know without me clouding your judgement, because I don't want you to look at me one day and feel regret. I wish it didn't have to be this way, but I need to be selfless for once. Even if it means I don't get what I want in the end. The villain doesn't usually get the girl. I'm going to lay in this coffin, and desiccate, until I have reason otherwise not to. I hope we meet again, Bonbon. I sincerely hope we meet again. I suppose that is entirely up to you though.
With love, from my soul to yours.
Damon Salvatore… XO