This is the start of what I hope to be many more stories. These are basically "What If..." stories that I thought of. The first one is what it might be like if the Z-warriors were black, although it basically just focuses on a day in the Son household if they were black. There's still ki and Saiyans and all that in the fic... just... black Saiyans. That sounds really funny to me. Imagine Trunks being black with his lavender hair. Anyway, as for where in the DBZ timeline this fits in, let's just say it's after Buu, because Videl and Goku appear in it.
Disclaimer: If I owned this, would I be writing something as stupid as this for a website and not get paid for it? I think not.
The Utterly Impossible
Story 1: What if the Z-warriors were black?
Chichi was at her stove, cooking dinner for her family and her sons' two visitors when she heard a loud popping sound and a scream coming from Gohan's room. She cocked her head to side, but decided not to worry about it and continued preparing the enormous amount of soul food.
"Ow, Videl!" Gohan said as he rubbed the sour spot on his head. "Pop me in the head one mo' time and I swear to Dende I'll-"
"Oh shut up and be still!" Videl snapped, interrupting him. She was positioned behind him on his bed, braiding his unruly hair into cornrows with him sitting on the floor before her. He was way too tender-headed for her liking, so she had to hit him with her comb more than once to get him to stay still, which he was getting sick and tired of.
In the end, he decided to comply with her request. There was one thing that every black man was scared of (well, most of them), and that was his woman. But of course he had to mutter his occasional insults to reassure himself that "he was still a man", which she pretended not to notice.
What she did notice, however, was Gohan's 2-way pager beep the tune of "Unleash the Dragon" by Sisqo (A/N: One of my stupid and horribly corny jokes. Did you catch on?), indicating that he had an incoming page. He walked over to where it was positioned on his desk, pulling up his saggy pants in the process, Timberland boots stomping the whole way, and looked at it with a grin. Videl was more than a little pissed as she stormed over to the grinning Son, suspicion evident as she spoke, "What the hell is you grinnin' at? It's one of yo hoes, ain't it? I knew you was cheatin on me! You asshole!"
Gohan was about to protest and clear his name, but Videl just wouldn't shut up and she was repeatedly hitting him upside his head and snapping her fingers as she insulted him. Finally he had enough and pushed the 2-way right into her face, much to her surprise.
"Look and see who paged me!" He snapped. "I don't think Piccolo would appreciate you callin' him 'one of my hoes'."
Videl muttered an, "Oh... my bad."
Gohan just smiled and pulled her close to him. "Don't worry. You da only ho I want." She frowned at him, but before she could comeback he silenced her with a kiss.
Meanwhile, outside, two mischievous little boys sat on the grass bored out of their minds. They'd already blown up a few things with ki blasts, played a few jokes on people, and sparred. They didn't know what else to do. Suddenly, Trunks shot up when he had an idea.
"I know what we can do!" he exclaimed as Goten sat up to look him in the eye.
"What?" Goten asked.
"The Dozens (a.k.a. the "Yo Mama Joke Game")," Trunks replied, grinning.
Goten matched his grin. He'd totally forgotten the game they enjoyed almost as much as eating and fighting. "Good idea. You start."
Trunks nodded and thought for a good joke he hadn't used on Goten. He smiled when he finally got it. "Yo mama's so stupid, she got fired from the M & M factory for throwing away the W's!"
Goten pretended to be outraged, but in all reality he didn't know what the joke meant. "Well, yo mama's so stupid she... uh.... she...." He rubbed the back of his head as he thought while Trunks sweat dropped. "I got it now! Yo mama's so stupid, when I said it was chilly outside, she went and got a bowl!"
"Yo mama's so fat," Trunks started. "Her belt size is equator!"
"Yo mama's so bald I can see what's on her mind!"
"Yo mama's so black, when she gets into a car the oil light comes on!"
"Good one."
"Thank you."
They continued to throw a barrage of insults pertaining to each other's mother's weight, intelligence, and physical appearance (the very essence of the wonderful game of "The Dozens") until they heard Chichi calling them in for dinner. They ran in excitedly, already smelling the aromas of the delicious assortment of soul food that she had prepared.
Gohan, Goten, Trunks, and Videl sat down to a table covered with collard greens, cornbread, sweet potato pie, black eyed peas, fried chicken, and much more, as Chichi put a pitcher of Kool-aid on the table to complete the meal. The 3 half-Saiyans' mouths watered (A/N: Mine too!) as they immediately began chowing down.
"I wonder where Goku's at?" Chichi muttered as she began to eat.
As if on command Goku materialized at the table, startling everyone. He had a huge blunt in his mouth, smoke pouring off of it and engulfing him, making him looked like a Jamaican drug dealer. He took a long puff, exhaled, and then said, "Hey, Chi. What's up everybody?" He took another puff and pushed it in his wife's view. "Wanna hit, Chi?"
Chichi pushed it away and sent a look to him that clearly said, "Why are you smoking in front of the kids?"
Goku rolled his eyes. "C'mon, Chi. It's not like they don't already know we smoke weed. They ain't stupid." Chichi sunk her head down, feeling the kids' stares momentarily as Goku took another puff and choked as he sat down. "And I know they smart enough to wait befo' they even think about startin' this habit." He put the blunt in a conveniently placed ashtray as he served himself some food. "Besides, I caught Gohan and Videl doin' somethin' more... interestin' than smokin' a blunt yesterday. Worry about the 'habit' they picked up."
Goku grinned and winked at his son. Videl sank low in mortification, and Gohan kept eyeing his mother to see her reaction. Chichi sat rigid as a board, looking embarrassed, surprised, and pleased at the same time (A/N: Hey, this is Chichi we're talking about. Black, white, Japanese, purple, whatever. She'll always want grandchildren). Trunks was laughing while Goten looked confused.
"What do you mean, dad?" Goten asked curiously.
He was about to answer when Trunks cut him off, "He means that they was fuckin' yesterday, Goten."
Chichi looked outraged at his language and Goku had to stifle a smile at the scene. Videl still looked embarrassed but Gohan didn't seemed phased and Goten still looked confused.
Chichi stood up and screamed, "Get yo little filthy-mouthed ass outside and get a switch!"
Trunks stood up and crossed his arms over his chest. "You ain't my mama. You can't tell me what to do."
Chichi gave him that look, that terrifying look that only a mother could give, and Trunks quickly retreated outside to get a "switch". (A/N: For the non-black, non-southern, or for those of you who aren't used to getting whipped as a punishment, a "switch" as my family and probably a lot more black families call it, is a long branch from a nearby tree or a stick that's used for whippings. I'm so glad I'm too old for that now!)
A few moments later, the muffled cries and failed attempts at stifling laughter were heard from the Son house throughout the 439 Mountain Area of wherever it was that they lived in Japan.
*~*~*~*
Whoa, I had way too much fun writing that. Hehehe. Anyway, this is just the beginning. I'm planning writing one about the Z-warriors getting high, and anything else I can think of that would never happen on DBZ, simply because it wouldn't make sense with the plot or it was way too outrageous, stupid, or impossible. And let me just say that I'm not prejudice or anything, I'm black, 3/4 black, and I just wondered what would happen if they were black and this is what I came up with. "The Dozens" and the "switch" were both part of my life believe me. And about the "Unleash the Dragon" thing, for those of you who didn't catch on, it was a corny joke I used linking "Dragonball Z" to the song. Get it, unleash the dragon? Probably not. Anyway, review and tell me what you think. Flames and suggestions happily accepted!
Disclaimer: If I owned this, would I be writing something as stupid as this for a website and not get paid for it? I think not.
The Utterly Impossible
Story 1: What if the Z-warriors were black?
Chichi was at her stove, cooking dinner for her family and her sons' two visitors when she heard a loud popping sound and a scream coming from Gohan's room. She cocked her head to side, but decided not to worry about it and continued preparing the enormous amount of soul food.
"Ow, Videl!" Gohan said as he rubbed the sour spot on his head. "Pop me in the head one mo' time and I swear to Dende I'll-"
"Oh shut up and be still!" Videl snapped, interrupting him. She was positioned behind him on his bed, braiding his unruly hair into cornrows with him sitting on the floor before her. He was way too tender-headed for her liking, so she had to hit him with her comb more than once to get him to stay still, which he was getting sick and tired of.
In the end, he decided to comply with her request. There was one thing that every black man was scared of (well, most of them), and that was his woman. But of course he had to mutter his occasional insults to reassure himself that "he was still a man", which she pretended not to notice.
What she did notice, however, was Gohan's 2-way pager beep the tune of "Unleash the Dragon" by Sisqo (A/N: One of my stupid and horribly corny jokes. Did you catch on?), indicating that he had an incoming page. He walked over to where it was positioned on his desk, pulling up his saggy pants in the process, Timberland boots stomping the whole way, and looked at it with a grin. Videl was more than a little pissed as she stormed over to the grinning Son, suspicion evident as she spoke, "What the hell is you grinnin' at? It's one of yo hoes, ain't it? I knew you was cheatin on me! You asshole!"
Gohan was about to protest and clear his name, but Videl just wouldn't shut up and she was repeatedly hitting him upside his head and snapping her fingers as she insulted him. Finally he had enough and pushed the 2-way right into her face, much to her surprise.
"Look and see who paged me!" He snapped. "I don't think Piccolo would appreciate you callin' him 'one of my hoes'."
Videl muttered an, "Oh... my bad."
Gohan just smiled and pulled her close to him. "Don't worry. You da only ho I want." She frowned at him, but before she could comeback he silenced her with a kiss.
Meanwhile, outside, two mischievous little boys sat on the grass bored out of their minds. They'd already blown up a few things with ki blasts, played a few jokes on people, and sparred. They didn't know what else to do. Suddenly, Trunks shot up when he had an idea.
"I know what we can do!" he exclaimed as Goten sat up to look him in the eye.
"What?" Goten asked.
"The Dozens (a.k.a. the "Yo Mama Joke Game")," Trunks replied, grinning.
Goten matched his grin. He'd totally forgotten the game they enjoyed almost as much as eating and fighting. "Good idea. You start."
Trunks nodded and thought for a good joke he hadn't used on Goten. He smiled when he finally got it. "Yo mama's so stupid, she got fired from the M & M factory for throwing away the W's!"
Goten pretended to be outraged, but in all reality he didn't know what the joke meant. "Well, yo mama's so stupid she... uh.... she...." He rubbed the back of his head as he thought while Trunks sweat dropped. "I got it now! Yo mama's so stupid, when I said it was chilly outside, she went and got a bowl!"
"Yo mama's so fat," Trunks started. "Her belt size is equator!"
"Yo mama's so bald I can see what's on her mind!"
"Yo mama's so black, when she gets into a car the oil light comes on!"
"Good one."
"Thank you."
They continued to throw a barrage of insults pertaining to each other's mother's weight, intelligence, and physical appearance (the very essence of the wonderful game of "The Dozens") until they heard Chichi calling them in for dinner. They ran in excitedly, already smelling the aromas of the delicious assortment of soul food that she had prepared.
Gohan, Goten, Trunks, and Videl sat down to a table covered with collard greens, cornbread, sweet potato pie, black eyed peas, fried chicken, and much more, as Chichi put a pitcher of Kool-aid on the table to complete the meal. The 3 half-Saiyans' mouths watered (A/N: Mine too!) as they immediately began chowing down.
"I wonder where Goku's at?" Chichi muttered as she began to eat.
As if on command Goku materialized at the table, startling everyone. He had a huge blunt in his mouth, smoke pouring off of it and engulfing him, making him looked like a Jamaican drug dealer. He took a long puff, exhaled, and then said, "Hey, Chi. What's up everybody?" He took another puff and pushed it in his wife's view. "Wanna hit, Chi?"
Chichi pushed it away and sent a look to him that clearly said, "Why are you smoking in front of the kids?"
Goku rolled his eyes. "C'mon, Chi. It's not like they don't already know we smoke weed. They ain't stupid." Chichi sunk her head down, feeling the kids' stares momentarily as Goku took another puff and choked as he sat down. "And I know they smart enough to wait befo' they even think about startin' this habit." He put the blunt in a conveniently placed ashtray as he served himself some food. "Besides, I caught Gohan and Videl doin' somethin' more... interestin' than smokin' a blunt yesterday. Worry about the 'habit' they picked up."
Goku grinned and winked at his son. Videl sank low in mortification, and Gohan kept eyeing his mother to see her reaction. Chichi sat rigid as a board, looking embarrassed, surprised, and pleased at the same time (A/N: Hey, this is Chichi we're talking about. Black, white, Japanese, purple, whatever. She'll always want grandchildren). Trunks was laughing while Goten looked confused.
"What do you mean, dad?" Goten asked curiously.
He was about to answer when Trunks cut him off, "He means that they was fuckin' yesterday, Goten."
Chichi looked outraged at his language and Goku had to stifle a smile at the scene. Videl still looked embarrassed but Gohan didn't seemed phased and Goten still looked confused.
Chichi stood up and screamed, "Get yo little filthy-mouthed ass outside and get a switch!"
Trunks stood up and crossed his arms over his chest. "You ain't my mama. You can't tell me what to do."
Chichi gave him that look, that terrifying look that only a mother could give, and Trunks quickly retreated outside to get a "switch". (A/N: For the non-black, non-southern, or for those of you who aren't used to getting whipped as a punishment, a "switch" as my family and probably a lot more black families call it, is a long branch from a nearby tree or a stick that's used for whippings. I'm so glad I'm too old for that now!)
A few moments later, the muffled cries and failed attempts at stifling laughter were heard from the Son house throughout the 439 Mountain Area of wherever it was that they lived in Japan.
*~*~*~*
Whoa, I had way too much fun writing that. Hehehe. Anyway, this is just the beginning. I'm planning writing one about the Z-warriors getting high, and anything else I can think of that would never happen on DBZ, simply because it wouldn't make sense with the plot or it was way too outrageous, stupid, or impossible. And let me just say that I'm not prejudice or anything, I'm black, 3/4 black, and I just wondered what would happen if they were black and this is what I came up with. "The Dozens" and the "switch" were both part of my life believe me. And about the "Unleash the Dragon" thing, for those of you who didn't catch on, it was a corny joke I used linking "Dragonball Z" to the song. Get it, unleash the dragon? Probably not. Anyway, review and tell me what you think. Flames and suggestions happily accepted!