Separation Anxiety

By Felicia

Disclaimer: This is only fan fiction, I will make no profit. Wouldn't dream of it.

Georgetown

2:24 am

"Dana, are you awake?"

She turned in his embrace and met his gaze in the soft glow that the moonlight provided. "You can't sleep either?"

"No. I don't want to waste time sleeping." He pulled her closer to him and kissed the top of her head. "I hate that things have to be this way, Dana. I've already missed so much and by the time I get to come back, I will have missed so much more. If you're smart, you will have moved on."

"If I'm stupid I will move on, Fox. I may be a lot of things, but stupid isn't one of them. I have invested so much time in this relationship and I'm not going to throw it all away. As much as I want you to stay, this is really the only choice."

William started crying and Mulder moved to get out of bed. "Please, I need to do this." Scully moved out of bed and across the room to William's bassinette. "Hey there my sweet boy, what's the matter?" She cradled her young son and went through the possibilities. "Looks like we have an early morning feeding and a diaper change." She looked back to Mulder and he nodded. He knew how important the simple actions were for her and understood she needed the bonding time with their son.

When she didn't return more than half an hour later, Mulder went in search of the two most important people in his life. They were found in the living room, on the sofa. Scully was speaking softly and William was cooing in response. From where he was standing, he couldn't quite hear what Scully was saying. Fox was torn between walking closer or turning back to give them the privacy the moment deserved. His curiosity got the best of him and he moved forward. "I wish I could explain everything to you now in a way that you would understand, but I can't. You are so important to both of us, and so loved. While you're away, with your daddy, I am going to miss you so very much, but I want you to be an extra good boy for him." William cooed and Scully corrected herself, "what am I saying? You don't know how to be anything but good." She kissed her son's forehead, "we had better get you back to bed before your dad sends out a search party. And believe me, he has connections and could have a task force out looking for us in less than twenty minutes." William rewarded his mother's stab at humor with a coo and a smile that was most likely gas.

Fox hurried down the hall and climbed back into bed, picking up a book and pretending to be reading during their absence. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, we just decided to have a mother to son talk and lost track of time. I thought you would be asleep by now."

"Disappointed?"

"No!" Scully furrowed her brow and repeated in a much softer tone, "no, not at all. What are you reading?"

"Nothing important," he closed the book and set it to the side. Scully climbed into bed next to him and he turned to her with outstretched arms. "Maybe we should put William in his nursery," she suggested in a soft, seductive tone as Mulder peppered her neck with kisses.

Mulder reentered the room pretending to stifle a yawn. "Well, that chore is taken care of, I guess I'll turn in."

Scully shrugged, "have it your way." She rolled over onto her side and flipped off the light.

He climbed into bed and spooned up against her body, resting his chin on her shoulder. Playing dumb, he asked, "you mean sleep isn't what you had on your mind?"

"You know good an well what I had on my mind, Fox." A smile crept across her face and she turned her head so she could catch a glimpse of his reaction. "You've been gone for quite awhile and tomorrow you're leaving for who knows how long. As much as we both love our son, I don't think sitting up to listen to and watch him sleep is really how we want to spend our last night together for awhile. Is it?"

"No," he moved back away from her slightly and rolled her onto her back, kissing her deeply. "And while it would be a wonderful way to spend some of that time," he kissed her again, "we can do that tomorrow."

Despite his unwillingness to sleep, Mulder gave into fatigue and drifted off. Scully slipped out of bed and pulled on her robe. Looking back to be certain she hadn't woke Mulder, she padded the few feet down the hall to William's room. As she watched her miracle sleeping, tears filled her eyes and spilled onto her cheeks. She gathered him in her arms, sat down in a rocking chair, and gently rocked back and forth.

"This time tomorrow, sweet William, your daddy will be taking you to a place that is safe. A place where no one will find or harm you - either of you. A place that I can't go right now. But soon, one day so very soon, he's going to bring you home to me and nothing or no one will ever separate us again. The three of us will be a family, the family that I believe we are destined to be. And while you are away, I don't ever, ever want you to forget how very much I love you and how I will be counting the minutes until you both return to me." She kissed his forehead and a tear dropped from her cheek and onto his skin. She kissed him again, this time kissing her tear away and allowing her lips to rest gently against his head.

Scully blinked several times, refusing to let any more tears fall. She glanced over to the door and saw Mulder standing there. He whispered into the room, "is everything okay?" She nodded slowly and drew a ragged breath. Fox stepped into the room and knelt down next to them. "No, everything isn't okay, Dana." With his thumb, he brushed fresh tears from her face and tucked a stray tendril of hair behind her ear. "Come with me, just for a few minutes. We'll come back to get William."

Reluctantly, Dana stood and placed her son back in his crib. She took the hand that Fox offered her and allowed him to lead her out of the room. "It doesn't have to be this way." He said once they were in the kitchen. Mulder didn't have to ask what was so wrong, because he already knew.

"Yes, it does, Fox. It has to be this way or we risk losing our son forever. Mulder, I have lost so much. I've lost a daughter I didn't even know I had until it was already too late. I've lost my sister, I've lost or nearly lost you more times than I care to think about. I nearly lost my own life to a disease that They gave me. Now I have to send our son away to keep him alive. I am so sick of that damn bureau, so sick of Them, so sick and tired of how they both dictate every move we make! William was a miracle, Fox, a miracle that most likely will not repeat itself. And if They make it so that you can never come home again, I lose my son . . .our son and you, too. I . . .I . . ." her ability to put together another sentence was soon lost and she sobbed openly.

He wrapped her in his strong embrace and let her cry for as long as necessary. Until they both felt better, until they both felt their fears subside. "Shhhh, I won't let you lose us forever, Dana. We will be a family, and soon. This isn't forever, just a short time. We'll be back before you know it. And if this keeps our son alive, if this lets you keep your miracle alive, I think it's for the best. But it doesn't have to be this way if it's too hard for you. We'll find some other way."

"Either way I could lose him." She managed after a long silence. "I either risk him being lost to me by forces unknown or I send him with you and risk letting Them keep both of you away forever."

"Dana," he spoke into her hair. "Dana, I promise you that you aren't going to lose any more people that you love. I know what William means to you, and I told you before he was born that I would do everything possible to protect him."

She pulled away from him and looked deep into Mulder's hazel eyes. In them, Scully saw love, pain, fear, admiration, strength, and even a touch of hate. She knew the cause of every emotion - love for everyone he was leaving behind, pain because he was forced to leave them behind, fear of the unknown, admiration for the strength and bravery she was trying to show, strength to help make her stronger, and hate for Them; the ones that caused all of this. "Fox, you say you know what William means to me, but do you know what you mean to me?"

"Yeah, I know."

"It's important to me that you know," she confessed. "You have become such a huge part of me, such an important part, and I'm not sure how to make it without you anymore. It isn't something I ever expected. I love you, Fox . . .I'm in love with you. You mean everything to me. There was a time when you told me that I kept you honest and made you a whole person. You told me that you owed me everything and I owed you nothing. Fox, you make me a whole person and I think it's always been that way. Now it's me that owes you everything."

Mulder shook his head and spoke softly. "You have given me a son, a life, a future to look forward to. After all these years, you are still the one keeping me honest and making me whole, Dana."

"Let's go get our future and go back to bed."

She woke the next morning and ran her hand across the bed, searching for her child and his father. They were both gone, maybe everything had been a dream. Maybe they had been forced to flee sooner than Mulder had planned. Maybe They had taken her chance for a farewell. Dana inhaled deeply and took in the scent of vanilla coffee, pancakes, and sausage. She furrowed her brow and listened for any noise coming from the rest of her apartment.

"Okay little man, we're gonna take breakfast to your mom. I don't think she's awake yet so we want to be extra quiet until we get to her room. Don't worry I've got your breakfast on there, too. I couldn't forget my little boy." Mulder made sure that William was secure in his carrier and picked up the tray. "Here we go."

He calculated each move carefully as he made his way through the kitchen, to the living room, down the hall, and to the door that lead to Scully's bedroom. His eyes went wide with surprise when he saw her sitting up in bed, having expected her to still be sleeping. "Good morning," Mulder greeted cheerfully.

"Good morning," she smiled. "Look at the two of you."

"This carrier thing comes in pretty handy. Never again will I have to wonder what a mother kangaroo feels like though."

Scully laughed, "I haven't had a chance to use it yet. Gretchen, from accounting, gave it to me as a sort of shower gift. She said she would have never made it with either of her kids without one of those."

"I can see why." Mulder sat the tray down over Scully's lap. "Pancakes, sausage, coffee, juice, and a bottle for junior here." He slid in bed next to her and began unfastening the carrier that William had been riding around in all morning. Scully picked up the bottle, tested it against the skin of her wrist and reached for her baby.

"Good morning, big guy. You have had a busy morning."

"Yeah. Yeah, William made the pancakes while I cooked the sausage."

"Mulder."

"Well, it isn't all my fault he's so advanced for his age."

"Honestly."

"Well, it isn't."

Scully shook her head and looked down at her child. His wide blue eyes locked with hers and she said, "watch out for those tall tales of your father's." Mulder adjusted the tray over his own lap and fixed a bite of pancakes. He slowly moved the fork toward Scully's mouth, using his other hand to catch any stray drops of syrup. "What are you doing?"

"Making sure your breakfast doesn't get cold. It's too good to go to waste and never good cold. Now open your mouth."

She did as requested and was pleasently surprised as she began to chew the first bite of her breakfast. "Mulder!" She exclaimed around a mouthful of hot cakes, "these are fantastic!" A wide grin crept across his face and she could have sworn he was sitting three inches taller than usual. "Did you call Mom for the recipe?"

"She wasn't supposed to tell," he pouted.

"She didn't. Your cooking told on you."

"Oh, well, yeah cooking is just one of my many hidden talents."

"I know," Scully said with a sly smile as she turned her attention back to William. He had nearly sucked his bottle dry and showed no sign of being full. "You have got quite an appetite little man."

"I could go get him some sunflower seeds."

"Oh no you won't!"

"I'm only teasing," Mulder said as he held his hands up in defense.

"Okay, Mulder, are you sure you have everything?"

"Yes. Well, everything I dare take with me. I have my handy kangaroo pouch, diaper bag with enough diapers to take us around the world twice."

"Yeah, and it still won't be enough."

"Clothes, plenty of clothes. Good thing they are so small or I couldn't take any for the little guy. Bottles and formula, a few toys, blankets, baby wipes, diaper rash cream. If I'm forgetting anything, it will just have to stay behind. There is no more room."

Scully slipped a thick envelope into his jacket pocket. "This is for both of you. For anything you may need while you're away. There are a few pictures in there, too." Tears filled her eyes and her voice caught in her throat but she forced herself to continue. "There are a couple of you and I, one of me that Mom took at the shower, one of William and me, one of Mom, and a few pictures of your family."

He wanted to say something that would break the sadness of the moment, but couldn't bring himself to do it. Mulder opened the envelope and saw cash, nothing larger than a twenty dollar bill, and the stack of pictures she spoke of. There were also two letters, but she had requested he wait to read those until they got where they were going.

She gathered William into her arms and held him close to her heart. Mulder stood behind her and wrapped his arms around both of them. "We are going to miss you, Scully. But try to take comfort in the fact that you are doing the right thing and our son will be in good hands."

Not wanting to part company on such a sad note, Scully forced a smile and said, "I'll always have the pizza guy until you get back."

"Hey now," Mulder protested. Scully couldn't help but laugh. "Now that's what I love to hear. Try to promise me you will do a lot of that until we get back."

"I'll try." Mulder looked at the clock and closed his eyes. He was trying to find the strength to take their child and walk out the door. To leave for safer grounds for an amount of time unknown. Scully saved him the trouble as she turned in his embrace and handed him their son. "You had better go. There isn't much time left before day light and I want you both to travel safely."

There was a knock on the door and Mulder went to answer it. "Hello Fox, I'm so glad I didn't miss you."

"Hi, Mrs. Scully, they're in here. I'll give the three of you some time alone while I put these things in the car."

"Mom! What are you doing here?"

"Fox called me this morning and asked if I could be here when he left. Dana, as hard as this is for you, you're doing the right thing."

"I know, Mom. Here, why don't you hold William for a few minutes." Scully went into the living room, leaving her mother and son alone in the nursery. "Fox, thank you."

"What for?"

"Everything. For William, for giving him the chance to live happily and safely, for having Mom come to keep me company."

"You're welcome, for everything." He pulled her to him and hugged her tightly. "I'll try to take lots of pictures, maybe a couple of videos of the important parts. I can't promise, but if I can get the Lone Gunmen to work up some sort of scrambled signal, I might even work in a phone call. We will make this work, Scully, and we will make this as quick as possible."

She nodded, "I trust you."

Mrs. Scully brought the child out to them so they could say farewell in private as a family and excused herself to the restroom. Mulder and Scully hugged and kissed each other a final time and then she turned her attentions to her child. "I love you, my sweet William. And I will see you soon." She looked to Mulder, "I love you, too, Fox." She kissed her baby and hugged him to her before handing him over to Mulder. "Be careful."

"We will be. Love you, Dana." He closed the door quickly behind him and they were gone. Scully turned back to her apartment and was met by her mother.

"Are you okay, Dana?"

"I'll be fine, Mom." She stated matter-of-factly. "I've done the right thing and my son is going to be safe. Mulder is going to bring him home to me very soon."

Mrs. Scully put her arm around her daughter's shoulders. "I'm so proud of you, Dana. If I were in your position, I'm not sure I could do what you've done."

"Sure you could, Mom. You could because you are a good mother that only wanted the best for her children. You would do whatever you had to do to see that each of us were safe and happy."

With her mother there to comfort her for as long as necessary, Dana Scully knew that the separation anxiety she was suffering from would soon subside. She took a great comfort in the fact that she had done what was best for her miracle baby and in the gut feeling -- the mother's intuition -- that he would be home in a few short months.

The End