A play by Draconsis
Cast list:
Narrator
Miaka as the Green Fairy
Nuriko as Son #1
Taiitsukun as Grandma
Tomo as Rag and Bone man
Nakago as Father
Suboshi as the Maid
Soi as the Wife
Hotohori as Son #2
Chichiri as the Architect
Ashitare as the family dog
Narrator:
Welcome to a typical day in the Suzaku household, though they seem to have a visitor today. This is Miaka the Green Fairy, and she has been sent by the God of Environmental Conservation as part of her internship with the department.
Miaka (Green Fairy):
(sounding very hyper) Hello! I'm the Green Fairy, but you can call me Miaka.
(looks downcast) Sigh, the boss sent me down to correct this family of their ungreen ways. I heard from all my seniors Taikiko and Suzuno that this is one family with a horrible track record.
(suddenly perks up) But if I pass, I'll graduate! And I won't have to work under the boss anymore! Ha! If anyone can do it, I can do it! ^_^V
(skips away)
SCENE ONE: Nuriko's roomNarrator:
The eldest daughter in the family, Nuriko, is doing homework in his room and he doesn't seem to be in a good mood…
Nuriko:
(Scribbles on pieces of paper one after another, and crumples and throws one away after another behind his back.)
(Everything pauses and Miaka appears. She looks at Nuriko and shakes her head.)
Miaka (Green Fairy):
This is very bad, very, very bad! Wasting so much paper! Do you know that it is because of these sort of people that deforestation has gotten so serious? Do you know that because of deforestation, we are seeing lots of animals and plants becoming extinct and endangered? Do you know that some of these animals and plants might actually hold the answer to some of our medical problems now? Do you know that Tama-neko's could be extinct by 2050? Do you know that Mitsukake will murder you once he finds out all those cures have been destroyed?!
(She sighs) You (points to Nuriko) should learn to save paper. You should write on both sides of the paper and when you have done so, don't throw it away, recycle it! (Waggles finger) Mou, try again.
(Miaka walks away shaking her head, everything unfreezes)
Nuriko:
(Writes on both sides of the paper before putting it in the box labelled "recycle" and repeats the process a few times before throwing down pen.)
Aiya! Why must we do homework? Why is Geography so boring? Why must Mr Lim give so many assignments? All his fault! Make me waste so much paper! Hmph! Don't care already, tomorrow go school and copy!
(Gets up and leaves)
*A/n: Aiya translates from hokkien roughly as sheesh. Mr Lim is my geography teacher. The very bad grammatical structure is characteristic of Singlish, or Singapore English. Yes, it's not proper. But it sounds nice this way! ^_^.
SCENE TWO: Still in Nuriko's room.
Narrator:
So Nuriko decides to take a break, and give up on his homework.
Nuriko:
(Walks around the room. He turns on the computer, radio, air conditioning, fan and television and sits down to read a book. Taiitsukun his grandmother walks past and shakes her head.)
Taiitsukun (Grandma):
(Slaps face) Nuriko! Be good, listen to grandma, don't on everything at the same time. Wasting electricity! You know, a long, long time ago, when Grandma was still in China, we had no money, no food, nothing at all! We had to work so hard and were so skinny. Yet here, you are, so fat already still don't go and exercise. You know-
(Is cut off)
Nuriko:
Grandma! I know, I know! Go and sleep ok? Don't come and disturb me! AND I AM NOT FAT!!!!!!!!!!
Taiitsukun (Grandma):
How can you- (cut off)
(Everything freezes and Miaka appears)
Miaka (Green Fairy):
This is ridiculous! Switching on all the electrical appliances at the same time? The air con! Oh my seikun, the CFCs! The poor, poor ozone layer! And Seiryu's palace! And the seikun's health!
(Sniffs) Computer, radio and television and he can still read? Didn't they teach him in seishi school to concentrate on one thing at time? And the fan and air con? I know Japan is warm during summer but it isn't that bad! But of course the fan would be a better choice. Plus, she's so rude to his grandmother.
(Waggles finger) Mou, try again.
(Miaka walks away shaking her head, everything unfreezes)
Nuriko:
Sorry grandma. I'll switch them off.
(Switches them off while Taiitsukun looks on with a pleased look on her face) Grandma, let's go and have some Nuriko specials. Then you can tell me stories of your life in China.
(Gives Ah Ma a sweet smile and leads her out of the room but not before giving the audience a pained look.)
SCENE 3: Living roomNarrator:
The head of the family is reading the entire weeks' worth of newspapers in the living room as usual when someone comes knocking on his door.
(Nakago is reading newspapers with a stack of them in front of him. The doorbell rings and someone knocks on the door)
Tomo (Rag and Bone man):
Hello, anybody at home? Collecting newspapers!
Nakago :
No! Nobody at home! And we don't have any newspapers.
(As he says so, he picks up another newspaper)
(Everything freezes and Miaka appears)
Miaka (Green Fairy):
Hey, old guy! Do you not call these newspapers? Why are you so stingy? Do you know that the Rag and Bone man pays you for your newspapers? Do you know you can earn a couple of cents from it? And he has a crush on you? Oh I forgot! You live in a 3-storey, 10,000 square feet bungalow in the middle of Bukit Timah! A few cents? Huh, loose change. I know you want to use the newspapers clean up your dog's faeces but I'm sure you don't need a whole stack right? Ashitare can also use the toilet bowl!
(Waggles finger.) Mou, try again.
*A/N: Bukit Timah is a very up market place in Singapore. Only the rich can afford to live there. And since I don't know any of those sort of places in Japan…^_^;;; And I'm not sure if other countries have them, but the rag and bone man goes around collecting old stuff for recycling, such as newspapers, and then weighs them, and gives you a few cents depending on the weight.
(Miaka walks away shaking her head, everything unfreezes)
Nakago:
(Gets up and carries the entire stack of newspapers to the door and opens it)
Hey! Mr weirdo! I've some newspapers for you!
(Drops the entire stack into his arms)
Bye-bye! Don't need to pay me. Go and have a cup of coffee! And git!
(Slams door in Tomo's face)
Tomo (Rag and Bone man):
(Staggers off with hearts in his eyes) He spoke to me! Nakiepoo spoke to me!
SCENE 4: Front of houseNarrator:
The maid, Suboshi, is washing the car with a running hose in the garden.
*A/N: Imagine Suboshi with a little white frilly apron…
(Suboshi splashes the water everywhere)
Suboshi:
Why this bird-shit so hard to splash off? Madam said I have to cook so I cannot use my ryuuseisui to scratch it off. Otherwise it will have germs and when I cook I will contaminate the food and the whole family will have food-poisoning and die.
(Evil laugh) Not that I mind of course.
(Mother shouts from backstage)
Soi:
Suboshi! Come and wash the toilet! Then go and sterilize your hands before you cook! Otherwise we'll get food poisoning! Hurry up!
Suboshi:
(annoyed voice)Yes, madam.
(Throws the hose down while it is still running and dashes towards the house)
(Everything freezes and Miaka appears)
Miaka (Green Fairy):
Oh my goodness! What kind of employer is that? Treating the maid like some slave and worst of all, she did not teach him to turn off the hose after use! Water is precious you know! And goodness, washing the car with a hose actually wastes much more water than the good old sponge and bucket of water! Oh dear, I sure hope this maid won't turn out to be like the other family's one. She actually used pure, drinking water when there was water rationing to make a bubble bath! That was totally atrocious!
(Waggles finger) Mou, try again.
*A/N: 'The other family' refers to another skit my class put up where the maid used pure, drinking water when there was water rationing to make a bubble bath.
(Miaka walks away shaking her head, everything unfreezes)
(Suboshi runs back and turns off the hose)
Suboshi:
Oh no! I nearly forgot to turn off the hose! Phew! Thank goodness. Otherwise madam will deduct my pay again.
SCENE 5: Outside the bath roomNarrator:
One of the more interesting sights in the Suzaku household. People fighting over the use of the single bathroom, in the three-storey, 10,000 sq ft bungalow in the middle of Bukit Timah. The architect forgot to add in more toilets.
(Person):
(Runs across stage holding a piece of paper with Chichiri on it. Holding a blueprint with a BIG arrow pointing towards him saying architect.)
Nuriko:
(Runs in and bangs on the toilet door)
Hey! Hotohori! Get out now! I need to use the toilet! You've been inside for two hours already!
Hotohori:
Ok, five more minutes.
(Person):
(Holds up card: fifteen minutes later)
Nuriko:
(Jumping up and down and banging on the door)
Get out now! Or I'll knock down the door!
Hotohori:
Ok, one more minute.
(Person):
(Holds up card: Thirty minutes later)
Nuriko:
(Is crumbled at the entrance of the toilet)
(Weakly) Get out now…
Hotohori:
Ok, wait awhile. I'm washing my hair, very fast.
(Everything freezes and Miaka appears)
Miaka (Green Fairy):
This is getting sickening! Which soul in the right frame of their mind would spend two and three quarter hours in the toilet? And he's still washing her hair? Even if his hair survives, his skin might not!
Hotohori:
(Face turns green.)
Miaka (Green Fairy):
It will just become wrinkly just like his Grandmother's!
Hotohori:
(Face turns even greener.)
Miaka (Green Fairy):
Water is for more worthwhile uses then spending two and three quarter hours worth of water on bathing alone! Save water! Don't spend so much time bathing!
(Waggles finger) Mou, try again.
(Miaka walks away shaking her head, everything unfreezes)
Nuriko:
(Gets up but before he can bang the door…)
Hotohori:
(Runs out of the toilet with a look of panic on his face.)
MY SKIN MY SKIN!!!!!!!!! Next time I'm not listening to mummy when she says to bathe until you get all the germs off. Even though we must be clean, and totally germ-free, otherwise we'll fall sick.
(Looks into little handheld mirror) OH MY GOD! Is that a wrinkle!?
Nuriko:
(Looks at him with a pained look before running into the toilet)
SCENE 6: Dinner tableNarrator:
So now the family's sitting around the table eating their dinner, cooked by a totally germ-free, yea right, Suboshi.
Nakago:
Let's go watch TV now, shall we? The documentary of 18th century torture chambers is on.
Everyone except Soi:
(Everyone shouts yes and troop off, leaving Soi to clear up)
Soi:
So much food left and so messy! What to do? Tsk, just throw away!
(Throws everything into a plastic bag and about to throw it into the dustbin)
(Everything freezes and Miaka appears)
Miaka (Green Fairy):
Sniff. This is hopeless! This family is really the pits! Throwing away food? How many people are starving in Africa, Kuto and other parts of the world? You can actually wrap the food up and store it in the fridge and when you need it, just heat it up! It's that simple! Why throw away perfectly edible food?
(Waggles finger) Mou, try again.
(Miaka walks away shaking her head, everything unfreezes)
Soi:
(Stops what she's doing, looks at the plastic bag again and frowns)
Hmmm… It'll be a waste to throw away the food just like that. Lobster and caviar too! I know! I'll keep the lobster and caviar for supper, and as for the chicken, fish and others, I'll feed it to Ashitare!
(Walks out of the room)
SCENE 7: Living roomNarrator:
The family is in the living room and are watching their favourite anime when Hotohori starts to sneeze uncontrollably.
Hotohori:
Achoo!
Taiitsukun(Grandma):
Bless you!
Hotohori:
AHHHHHHHHCHOO!
Nuriko:
Bless you!
Hotohori:
AHCHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Nakago:
Blast you! That was the part where I nearly took over the world.
Nuriko:
See? It's your fault for staying in the toilet for so long! Now you have a cold! Serves you right! HA!
Miaka (Green Fairy):
(Appears in the scene, tiptoeing.)
Hotohori:
(Blows his nose very hard on tissue paper, carefully folding it up until there is only a very small piece)
See grandma? I know how to save paper!
Taiitsukun (Grandmother):
Good boy- (gets cut off)
Hotohori:
I've got an even better idea! I can unfold the tissue and hang it up to dry, and then I can use it again!
Everyone:
YUCK!
(Everything freezes)
Miaka (Green Fairy):
No! No! No! It wasn't supposed to be like this! I thought you had learnt your lesson! I thought you understood! I thought you were intelligent seishi! You can save paper but not in this way! If anyone of you falls sick because of this, it's not my fault. I give up!
(Sinks to the floor with a strand of hair popping out)
SCENE 7: Grandma
Taiitsukun (Grandmother):
Sigh. I hope all my descendants have learnt form this. The Earth belongs to us and our future generations. It'll be a sad sight if they cannot enjoy the Earth in its most beautiful state, because of our deeds. Natural resources are there for us to use, courtesy of Me, but we have to learn to use them wisely and carefully. Once these resources are used up, the earth will be one big barren piece of land and for all the power of humans, seishi and seikun, we can do nothing when that time comes.