Forgive Me Father
By: Madisonne
Warnings: Angst (?), hopeful (?), yaoi
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing does NOT belong to me... (Damn, damn, damn...) No infringement on the rights of the owners of said anime intended. Don't sue me, suing isn't nice. As for the fic, don't steal it! Criticism accepted (feed me feed-back at Fire_Elf_Rei@hotmail.com!!!), flames laughed at.
Other: I do not intend to insult or offend people affiliated with the Catholic church. Please do not think I intended to cause harm in any way, shape, or form.
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He scowled as the harsh rain beat down on him and the sidewalk, causing several passer-bys to skitter out of his way.
With no little relief, he arrived at his destination, a huge Cathedral in the heart of New York City, the largest, he'd been told, fashioned out of cold marble in years so far back he hadn't bothered to count. He clambered up the steps and through the columns and the large iron doors which had been shut to keep out the damp air and sheets of rain.
He stood, just within the doorway, listening to the echo of his entrance and taking in the astounding scene before him. Candles, in every conceivable place, lit the large room with a soft glow and he could tell from the huge coloured glass windows that on good days, the sun's light would serve as the sole radiance.
A few kneeling men turned at the sound of the heavy iron doors clanking into place, but they soon returned to their prayers.
A shiver coursed through his body as the sound of a Gregorian chant echoed to him, unaware that this place served as a monastery as well as a church.
All through this, he didn't notice the fact that his cloak was dripping its moisture onto the rock floor, so was a little off-guard when a small boy offered to take his coat for him. As if in a daze, he shed the cloth, handing it with a small nod of gratitude to the boy. The youngling scampered off with it, slowing only when an unseen monk called out a warning. In that same second, he felt as though he'd been whisked into the past, for surely he'd seen those haunting eyes before...
Shaking his head to clear it, he stepped up to a monk who was relighting candles. "Confession?" He softly queried.
The man stretched out a hand, gesturing to a small wooden booth.
He nodded his thanks and made his way into the booth, pulling the curtain shut behind him. He wasn't sure where to begin. "For-forgive me Father, for I have sinned..." He sighed.
"And what are the nature of your sins, my son?" A kind voice answered him.
"I've never really done this sort of thing before..."
A moment, then, "Well it goes something like this, you tell me what you did that was wrong, and I tell you how to repent it."
"Uh, okay... I've sinned a lot."
A soft laugh that almost said 'Haven't we all?', then, "Go on."
"Uh... Where to begin....? I'm a murderer. I've killed hundreds upon thousands of men, women," A painful moment, "And ch-children. I guess you might be wondering... You see, I'm a warrior, well, kind of... Always have been, well, until these past years. I started very, very young... It might surprise you that I know each person that I've killed. I memorized their names... And they haunt me, night after night, day after day. I suppose you think I deserve that... I don't blame you. I think I do too. People think I don't know or don't care about the people I've killed, but I do, I really do!" He paused there, almost as if expecting an answer.
None came.
"There's this one girl, with a puppy..." He cut himself off. "Never mind. Anyway, back to the sins... I've stolen a lot. Cash, legal documents, weapons, some for missions, too many not. I'm a violator of every known law and am world-renowned for my hacking skills. Ever since the war, I've been working as a hired assassin. It's like... Whoring yourself... Possibly my most egregious transgression has to do with my love. Not only do I love a man, I let us drift apart and never told him my feelings."
"Why not?"
"I was afraid."
"Of what?"
"Everything! Rejection, mostly. And the fear of losing an important friend. A coward, that's what I am. A coward." A moment. "So what happens now (1)? Is it time for judgment?" He asked, voice tinged in sarcasm.
No answer.
"Please, I need to know... Don't leave me here like this!" He near sobbed, hands clutching at the wood separating him from something he didn't fully understand, but needed none the less.
A voice came from the other side of him and the cloth. "I'm here, it's okay Heero."
He sat up as straight as a board. "How... Wh-who are you?!!"
"You mean to say you don't recognize me?" The cloth was pulled back by a long-fingered hand, revealing...
"Duo..." He half-whispered, half-choked.
He nodded slightly.
With a small cry, he launched himself at his former friend, burying his face in his shoulder.
He could feel the sobs of his friend through his shoulders and led him to a vacant pew and sat down beside him. "Shh... It's okay now..."
Suddenly, he sat up straight again. "H-how long where you there?"
"The entire time."
He took in his friend's priestly vestments and nodded slowly.
"You honestly hear them, see them everyday?" He asked, referring to the ghosts of the people he'd killed.
He nodded. "They talk to me and... Sometimes I just want to be all alone in my head... But when I'm alone, I get scared..."
He smiled softly and laced his fingers in his friend's. "But you're not now."
"Naturally."
A moment, then, "Who were you talking about?"
"When?"
"You said you loved someone. Who? Quatre? Someone you met after the war?"
He shook his head, no.
"Then who? You know I'm incurably curious! This will eat at me until the rest of all eternity!"
"You really want to know? Once said, never unsaid (2)."
He nodded enthusiastically.
He sighed heavily and pulled his friend towards him, as if to whisper the name. Instead, he pulled him forward even further and pressed his lips to the others. After a moment, he pulled away. "So, am I forgiven my sins?"
"Hmmm, I'll have to give it more careful consideration..." He pulled Heero back to him.
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1 - Heh, anyone know where this one comes from?
2 - From a wonderful play called 'The Rehearsal'