Summary: When Edward finally decides to change Bella, what goes through her head as her last thoughts? how does she feel during the process? EdwardxBella.
Author's Note: This is my first attempt at a Twilight fanfiction. Funny story actually, its 2:37 AM in Hawaii and I am reading fanfiction nonstop, when this song starts playing in from my speakers, "When Your Heart Stops Beating" by +44 and I am like, OMG. Edward. Bella. Heart Stops Beating. Wow, epiphany! Fanfiction!! Remember folks, first attempt, 11 year old girl, very fragile emotions, yah right… well be nice anyway… REVIEW PLEASE!
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. No, not at all. I cannot get you Edwards autograph. I'm not Stephanie Meyer. However, I am owned by Edward. Hah. No, seriously. He owns my sanity since I decided I would read Twilight in 1 day, New Moon in 1 ½ days, and Eclipse in 1 ½ days.
When Your Heart Stops Beating.
Bella POV
I remember it all, flooding to me now, like a dam that has been broken. Even the parts I don't want to remember, the bits and pieces to the epic romance that is the life I live. My love for Edward, my misunderstood friendship with Jacob, and my guilt for both.
Turn it up, I never wanna go home
I only wanna be part of your breakdown
She got caught by the fool on the floor
Who picked her up and she'll never get let down
And now I cant stop thinkin' about it
All you people have to talk, Don't know nothin' about it
We dont give a fk what the price is
So just leave us to our own devices and we'll leave you alone
I had always had a sneaking suspicion that I wasn't good enough for Edward, no matter how many sweet nothings (though they meant so much to me) he whispered in my ear and no matter how many times he took my breath away telling me how much he needed me and loved me. These suspicions were put to rest in Edward's unsuccessful escape from my life. In the brief period I took comfort in Jacob, who will never be more than my best friend, my subconscious mind made me feel alright with taking advantage of his adoration for me.
I remember how much I hated myself when I saw how much damage I did to Jacob when I began thinking clearly again, thanks to Edwards return. I knew he didn't deserve any of this. When my engagement to Edward was official I saw Jacob Black do something I never thought he would. I never thought young, self-confident, sometimes arrogant, and immature, Jacob Black would give up and it broke me to know that the 'missing boy' posters on the telephone poles were because I first and foremost broke him.
I also remember the careful pleasure I have with Edward—my Edward.
I'll be there when your heart stops beating
I'll be there when your last breath's taken away
In the dark, When there's no-one listening
In the times when we both get carried away
Edward… always so careful, so loving. I knew that he thought of himself in the worst possible way like he was a monster… I always pleaded silently, knowing nothing I could say would turn the tables of his self-hatred, I always pleaded, if only he knew how wonderful he was. If only he knew how much I love him. If only he knew how completely and wonderfully astounding his presence is to me. If only he knew how perfect he is. If only he knew how lucky I feel to have a soul mate, a destined other half, that is so incredible to me, so perfect, so over worthy. So many what-ifs constantly plague my mind.
Everytime he pulls away from a kiss abruptly, everytime he turns away from me, every time he constantly apologizes to me for a reason unknown to me. It breaks me every time he doubts himself, everytime he feels angry with himself, every time its my fault that he is angry with himself.
I wonder how he is feeling now, that I am to become immortal and eternally bound to him in every way possible.
Edward POV
She says it all without a thought in her head
She says it all and she's pressed up against me
A little something just to take it off the edge
A little more and I'll fall off the planet entirely
"I love you, Edward." She tells me over and over again "I trust you… please… Edward." Her sweet pleading voice is brave and confident but her face is bubbly almost. "What are you thinking, love?" I ask her, the only closed book that I cannot easily read—not wanting to pry the beautiful covers open or rather unable to.
She stares into my eyes leaning her body against mine, her head on my shoulder, she looks up at me, her big chocolate pools staring into my topaz ones. "I am thinking about how much I love you… I am also thinking about how I will be as a vampire…tell me Edward, will I be beautiful?" she asked so cutely it made me want to hold her in a tight embrace and never let go. "yes," I chuckled, her life was about to end and she wants to ask how beautiful she will be, " You will be the most beautiful creature I will ever lay my tainting eyes on… you are already the most beautiful creature I have ever met… so I am not sure how much more breathtaking you can become…" I spoke truthfully, she may not realize but she is the most beautiful creature I have ever seen. "Edward," she called me back from wherever her beauty shipped me "yes, love." I responded quickly looking at her beautiful form against mine. "I can't be breathtaking, Edward, you don't need to breathe…" she playfully pouted, I chuckled lightly placing a kiss on her wonderful lips, she responded quickly blushing.
I could feel her heart beat faster and her cheeks began to redden. I then kissed both cheeks and placed my ear over her heart, listening and memorizing every fast beat knowing that soon it would be gone.
Bella POV
I'll be there when your heart stops beating
I'll be there when your last breath's taken away
In the dark, When there's no-one listening
In the times when we both get carried away
He was listening to my heart beat, I knew that was one of the things he would miss about my 'breakable Bella' body, I knew my blush and my softness was also parts, but I knew he would miss my human imperfection the most, the fact I had to sleep, the way I needed 'human moments' how I needed food, and how I always stumbled and tripped while walking. "Edward, look twilight," I sighed "The ending to another day." He said sadly, knowing very well what was going to happen next.
He had to fulfill his promise to make me like him, immortal, irresistible, gorgeous, graceful, a vampire.
He took me back to my soon to be home, to the basement of the Cullen mansion, where I would stay in excruciating pain. He knew and I knew I was ready, I was beyond ready, I was there, as there as possible.
I'll be there when your heart stops beating
I'll be there when your last breath's taken away
In the dark, When there's no-one listening
In the times when we both get carried away
When we both get carried away
He would stay, Edward would stay next to me through the whole process. Carlisle would check on me but Edward would stay. He would be my morphine, he would be my poison, he would be my relief.
"Edward.." I pleaded, the darkness and the silence scared me, it shook me with the might of a hurricane, I wasn't scared, no, not at all, I was anxious and he knew it too.
Carlisle came into the room at that moment ready to jump in if Edward lost control, which I was so sure he wouldn't. "Are you completely ready Bella? There isn't any turning back after this moment." Carlisle spoke breaking the silence. "Yes, I'm ready." I nodded my head. "Edward." Carlisle nodded toward him only to receive a nervous nod back from Edward. Edward pulled me into a passionate kiss, the last kiss I would receive as a human, then he pulled his face into my hair taking a breath of my scent in as he kissed my hair, moving to the nape of my neck also breathing in the scent of me.
"Bella…" he said into my neck I only nodded. He kissed my neck lightly and repetitively and I wasn't going to rush him, knowing that it would be harder for him. He finally took a deep breath in and whispered my name before sinking his razor sharp teeth into my flesh.
I bit my teeth together hard suppressing a sob that was going to escape, I knew it. Carlisle quickly bandaged my wound before making sure Edward was stable. I finally felt two cold arms wrap around me from behind and I felt a chin nuzzle the other side of my neck. The cool velvety voice encouraging me through the terrible pain I felt. I felt it, the fire, slowly but painfully making its way through my veins, I felt it, it was horrible, the beginning to the three days of hell. I cried out screaming at the top of my lungs, releasing a noise almost as blood curdling as my painful transformation. I shot my eyes open fighting the urge to scream again.
I thrashed against Edwards strong arms in frustration, I wanted to be there, in the cage of his arms during this horrid time. I looked into his eyes and I saw his pain, his anger towards himself, his disgust at his selfishness, his worry toward me…the pain was dulling for any reason I didn't know but I was using I to my advantage "I love you, Edward…" I cried into his chest softly " I love you." I just repeated it as he whispered sweet reassuring words into my ear. I looked up into his eyes again, there was no pain just love. Then I felt the jolt of pain back and more powerful. I found the reason for the small subsiding of pain, it was my mind blocking it for enough time to heal Edward so he could stand to stay for the full 3 days, so he could comfort me.
When we both get carried away
(I'll be there when your heart stops beating)
When we both get carried away
(In the dark, When there's no-one listening)
When we both get carried away
I cried out in pain again. It soon turned into fits of painful sobs. It was indeed as painful as it was told to be, but is was alright, because as Emmett said, "Hells not so bad when you get to keep an angel with you."
And Edward was, My Angel.
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End. please review!! it wasnt as good as i hoped but I would Love Love Love your feedback... Please!!
should I keep writing Twilight Fics? vote now!! in reviews of course... please?