Author's Notes: Sorry for this one. It got into my head and wouldn't go away. Let me also take a second to thank everyone for such amazing feedback on "The Difference of a Day." I was so worried about it, but you all were so incredibly supportive. Thank you again.
Forget to Remember
by Kristen Elizabeth
The darkness woke them like it always did.
They lay on their backs for a moment, their heads turned towards each other. Grissom smiled at the woman in his bed. "Hi," he whispered.
"Hey," she whispered back. "It's almost time to get up."
"Almost." He sat up, twisted around, loomed over her. "Not quite."
She was warm and willing. Her arms wrapped around his neck, her legs circled his waist, and she filled the silent bedroom with her breathy pleas for more. He obliged. He promised to never deny her any part of himself ever again.
They rolled apart, sweaty and replete.
"I could stay here all night," he said to the ceiling.
She curled up along his side, resting her chin on his arm. "I could, too." She sighed. "But duty calls."
As Sara slid out of bed, naked and glorious, Grissom felt a chill run through his whole body. And it wasn't from the sudden absence of her body heat.
He followed her into the bathroom. She didn't seem to mind an audience as she turned on the shower and began to brush her teeth. She smiled at him around her toothbrush.
Grissom shivered. Even in the suddenly steamy room, he couldn't shake the mysterious chill.
"Are you joining me?" she asked after rising her mouth.
"Don't go to work tonight."
Sara frowned. "What? Why?"
He blinked and shook his head. "Just…don't, Sara. Take a sick day."
"I've got active cases. I can't ignore them." She stuck her hand in the shower to test the water. Satisfied with the temperature, she looked back at him. "I'll scrub your back if you'll scrub mine."
Panic at her gentle, but firm dismissal of his request made him grab her wrist with careless force. "I'm serious, Sara. I don't want you going in tonight!"
"That hurts…" Sara tried to twist her arm out of his grasp, but he held on tight. "Gris…you're really frightening me now."
He relaxed his fingers and tried to take a breath as Sara pulled her arm back, tucking it against her chest for protection. "Please," he tried again. "I'm begging you. Call in sick."
She studied his face for a long moment before she finally nodded. "Okay. I'll stay home tonight."
"You won't go anywhere? You'll stay right here with the doors locked?"
"I won't go out." Sara reached out and touched his cheek. "I promise."
Relief washed over him. Grissom pulled her into his arms, suddenly needing to feel her heart beating against his.
The chill was gone. Everything would fine now.
"I love you, Sara."
She looked up at him with a private smile. "I love you, too. You always save my life."
Grissom jerked awake. "Sara!"
On the other side of his desk, Catherine watched as he jumped up from his seat. Groggy from only twenty minutes of sleep, he looked around his office.
"Sara?" he asked again, more frantic this time.
She bit her lip and stood. "Gil." Going to him, she put a gentle hand on his arm. He shook it off and started for the door, calling her name again. She couldn't let him get out into the lab. Not like this. "Stop!"
Catherine took a deep breath when he finally looked at her. His eyes were tired and wet, but they pleaded with her to tell him that the woman he loved was just down the hall, having a coffee break with Greg or laughing at something with Nick.
She shook her head, her chest aching. "She's gone."
He was the last man she ever expected to break right in front of her. But there was nothing else to call him besides broken. His back crashed against the metal blinds on his office door, and he slowly slid to the ground. Covering his whole face with his hands, he tried to hide his grief from her.
Why did she always have to be the one to remind him of everything he'd lost?
Catherine knelt down beside him and tried to pry his hand away from his eyes. He put up a good fight, but eventually she laced her fingers through his. "It's going to be okay," she tried to soothe him. But the words were flat even to her own ears.
His breath came in tattered gasps. "No." He opened his eyes, releasing a flood of pent-up tears. "I didn't save her, Cath."
"You tried," she reminded him.
Grissom stared at something past her shoulder. She wasn't sure she wanted to know what he saw in the dark corners of his office. Ghosts of what could have been…they haunted him. Murdered possibility. Lost opportunity.
A year to the day and his wounds were still bleeding.
He closed his eyes again, ready to go back to his dreams. Ready to forget again. "I never save her."
Fin