Hello fellow readers and writers. I wrote this story kind of as a response to other stories that are out there. There are definitely two stories by two different authors that inspired this first chapter in pretty much every way possible. Please do not take it as me stealing their story because that's not what I intended to do, rather I was so moved that I wanted to write one of my own in a little different fashion. Please R&R, oh and marvel owns everything...

She had chosen Banner, and he had helped them get together, he had pushed Banner to take this chance, the chance that he had clearly missed. Despite everything Banner had done to her, she was still off limits. Banner was a friend right? He couldn't move in on Natasha while he was gone, right?

Steve tried whenever possible, between training the new avengers, to help her, comfort her. She was stoic at times, a hard shell, and she pushed him away. He was there, with a warm shoulder, when she just needed to stare out the window and cry. He still wanted her desperately. Yes that was selfish, but it was the whole truth. Ever since the fall of Shield fiasco a little over a year ago, he felt something more for the redhead spy. Of course immediately when we met her he was attracted to her, what guy wasn't? But now it wasn't just a physical attraction it was more than that. He loved her, and he had been dancing around his feelings for her.

In the graveyard he wanted to say 'stay'. The words were caught in his throat and he didn't utter them in time. He respected her need for space, so she could figure out who she was. He knew who she was: a strong, independent, beautiful, loyal, attractive, intelligent woman, but most importantly a hero, not a monster. He could have told her all of that, but what are the chances she would have believed him. She just needed to find that all out on her own first.

When they met again a year later to help hunt down hydra and the scepter, he couldn't help but marvel at her beauty. But he was also observant to her clear attraction to Banner. He saw the way she flirted with him. He couldn't destroy her happiness, when that's all he wanted. Of course he wanted to be the cause of her happiness, the man of her affection, but he wouldn't destroy it. Seeing that he missed his chance, he pushed Banner to not miss his.

Steve distanced himself from her; it was the only way to remain a coworker without bursting at the seams. 'Romanoff' became the only way for his fragile heart to address her. He didn't continue his lingering glances, he didn't constantly give her his charming smile, only soft nods of acknowledgement.

Nat knew. She could sense Steve being distant. He didn't look at her the same way, like he did a year ago. His glow seemingly faded when he looked at her. He looked aged, pale, and exhausted. He kept up their friendly relationship as coworkers, but nothing more. Their conversations never went beyond 'what's today's training plan' and 'that was a day, they still need work'. He never called her Nat or Tasha or Natasha, just Romanoff or Black Widow or Widow. She missed one of her best friends in the entire world besides Clint. It felt like that year apart wiped away any connection or shared bonds. Oh god how she missed him and his radiance.

After everything with Ultron, Banner disappeared. He broke her heart; that she easily handed over to him. She thought that they had something. They both were afraid of the monsters that they could easily become. They bonded over that and they had all of these intimate moments together. She shared memories and feelings with him that neither Steve nor Clint had been privy to. She begged him to come back, and all for naught.

She shut off her emotions to the outside world. But there were times when she couldn't hold it in anymore. She just needed to cry to let out the hurt that she constantly tried burying. Steve, Steve was always there in a purely leadership capacity. He saw her hurt and need, and he was there with a shoulder for her to cry on. He, like the other team members, stopped asking her questions and trying to comfort her, they gave her the space she requested.

Then Banner came knocking one day. He showed up at the new Avengers facility one day. She tried not to rush back into his arms and forgo any resolve she had built up. But it was all for naught. It took one long look and his rambling apology to cause an eruption of emotions, a flood, to wash over her. She collapsed into his arms. Over the days they rekindled what they had and started to repair their romantic and platonic relationship.

It was late Sunday evening, when Cap was just standing there in the empty room overlooking the forest edge and sunset with ceiling high windows. Sunday's were off days. They didn't train, they just relaxed and kept to themselves. Cap ran through his regular work out: a morning run, a few punching bags, a little target training, a cold long shower and planning for the week to come, then hours of reflection.

He was standing there in his blue button down shirt and black dress pants watching the sun set. He was currently reflecting on the past week. Bruce had come home last Sunday. In what seemed like hours, Nat had seemed to fall right back into Bruce's arms. He kept on watching from a distance. The light in Nat's eyes seemed to return and she started to talk and laugh and smile again. He wanted to be the one that caused it, and he thought he was making progress, but it was slower than expected.

Tony walked into the room, he was officially retired, but we all know he misses us too much to not stop in and have a chat every now and then. "Capsicle what up?"

"Stark."

"Oh come on Grandpa, I know its sundown but don't be such a sourpuss."

"Stark, seriously I am not in the mood." Suddenly Tony could sense that something was deeply wrong with the Captain. He walked up next to Cap and followed his line of site. He knew now. Banner was back and he was in the middle of a romantic moment with Natasha in the open field that the room over looked.

"Steve?"

"Stark."

"Hey buddy, come on its okay." He was seriously caught in the middle here. He grew up hearing stories of how selfless Steve was, how he gave up the chance to be with the one woman he loved for the sake of millions of innocent people. He knew Steve's story as well as Coulson, and that's saying something. Tony could see the pain in his eyes as Steve continued to look over the moment the two were sharing. At the same time, Bruce was one of his best friends, his science bro; he was elated that Bruce had found someone after the whole Betty accident.

"Tony don't, you couldn't possibly know what's running through my mind." He half mutter 'and heart'

"Steve I know, I get it."

"NO Stark you don't get it. You couldn't possibly get it, because you have Pepper, you never left behind the woman you loved and woke up in another century only to have you heart stolen and crushed by another breath-taking woman."

"Steve relax…I know its hard, but please calm down." Steve stepped back from the billionaire, suddenly very aware of what he had blurted out.

"I have to let her go, don't I?"

"If that's what you feel is right, but you could fight for her."

"I couldn't do that to a friend, to Bruce."

"Sometimes these things happen Rogers, and you have to be selfish, to fill your own desires and needs which are as important as saving millions of people."

"It's not who I am." They sat there in silence for a little while, just staring out at the sky as the sunset finished, and the building floodlights along the perimeter began to light their view.

"Sometimes we act out of character for love."

"I can't do that to her. She's happy and that's all I have ever wanted for her Tony. I have to leave, I can't stay here."

"Steve do you think that's the best choice? You are one of her best friends, you would crush her if you up and left."

"I am stopping them from being the couple they deserve to be. It would be a gift for them. She will have a new confidant, she'll get over me quickly with Bruce at her side."

"Cap I'm not going to stop you, if you seriously think this is the best choice."

"Thank you Tony for respecting my choice."

"Just here, take this little watch. It has a panic button right there. Press it and we will come save you. After all we were a team right?"

"Thanks Tony." That was the closet they were coming to 'I am going to miss you buddy' type of goodbye. Steve had made his peace mentally. He reached down to the side pocket of his bag. He pulled out an envelope with the words 'To Tony' written on it.

"Stark this is for you, I was going to have James give it to you, but since you're here."

"I guess this is goodbye then, huh Cap?"

"Yeah it is. I'll still come when you need help saving the world." They shook hands and Steve walked to the door towards to the living quarters.

He went room by room and left a letter for all of the new avengers. He left notes about training, and how he has bonded with them over their short time together. He wished all of them luck, and wrote about the full confidence he had in them with protecting the earth. When it came to Sam, he knocked on the door to talk to him.

"Sam?"

"Hey Steve, what's up?"

"I'm leaving Sam, I just wanted to come talk to you for a bit."

"What do you mean your leaving?" Steve gave him a look and Sam knew. Bruce and Nat.

"I just wanted to give you the number to my burner, call it only if you really need me back, once you call me I am tossing the phone. Give the number to no one."

"Steve are you sure that this is the right thing to do?"

"Yeah Sam. I need to do some soul searching, get my head together, figure out parts of my life."

"Good luck Steve. I'll miss you."

"Yeah I'll miss you too Sam. Keeping forging on, alright don't let up."

"Promise." And just like that Steve was on his bike driving away from the facility. Fury and Hill knew he was leaving, and they knew that they couldn't stop him, so they let him go. They knew he would be back when they needed him, or times of need.

Steve knew better than to trust that Fury would outright let him disappear like that. At this first bar with a motorcycle gang, Steve stopped. He traded bikes with someone and dumped his bags and cleaned it out to make sure there were no trackers. Once certain he was clear of any tracers, Steve mounted his new bike and drove off into the dark of the night.

When the team, plus Tony and Bruce joined up for dinner, Natasha immediately noticed Steve's absence. She started wondering where he was. Tony and Sam played cover up as per the Cap's wish.

"Where's Steve? He should be here for dinner, and he almost never misses team meetings." Nat asked.

"He said he wasn't feeling well. I saw him earlier and he took food to his room for the night." Tony answered.

"Yeah I caught him as he entered his room a while ago. He wasn't looking so good; he looked really exhausted and beat. He asked us to not bother him until morning. I guess everyone needs their beauty sleep right?" Sam chimed in.

"Huh, doesn't seem like Steve. Are you sure he was alright?"

"Yeah." They both answered together. The team sat there eating in a comfortable silence.

The team made a few jokes here and there. Then they all made their ways to their separate chambers. When they all entered their rooms they all looked at the letters Steve had written them. Everyone had a letter except Natasha. Every time Steve tried to write her a letter, the words got caught in his throat and he had to restart. Steve gave up and decided it was best that she didn't know about his feelings and why he really left. Tony went to deliver the letter he had for Clint and Bruce. When he dropped off Bruce at his little motel an hour or so from the facility (the closest place to the avengers training grounds), he handed Bruce his letter. Tony went home that night feeling extremely defeated.