A/N: I re-watched Bad Reputation yesterday, and this is something my mind just picked up and ran with after watching Jesse and Finn storm out of the choir room. I think that Jesse, Finn and Puck are totally different "types" of guys - and that Jesse, being this Vocal Adrenaline 'automaton' who's been completely devoted to his career, has never done the typical 'high school boy' thing. I also think that, having known Rachel for a considerably longer amount of time, Finn and Puck would pick up things that Jesse - smart as he is - might actually be oblivious to. I'm publishing this at 3 a.m. - also, I've never written for Finn or Puck before and it honestly feels a little awkward. So ... be gentle? ;)

Rating: Is for language.

Disclaimer: They're not mine (I wish).

Male Bonding

Unfortunately, the only thing the 'Run Joey Run' debacle — he's heard Rachel use that word before, he's pretty sure he's using it right — proves to Finn is that Rachel and Jesse really might be perfect for each other. Because Jesse gets up and storms out of the choir room right behind Finn, and the only person Finn has seen storm off like a diva better — is it still 'diva' if Jesse's a boy? — is Rachel Berry herself. Only Jesse slams the door a lot louder.

They leave behind total chaos in the choir room, because now Quinn is alternating between yelling at Puck and yelling at Rachel, and Rachel is shrilly defending herself. Santana cannot resist jumping into the middle of the whole mess, Mr. Schue is hopelessly trying to regain control, and Kurt, Mercedes and Brittany are taking bets on the outcome in the back row.

Jesse stalks down the hall, and Finn swears when he sees the older boy pull his car keys out of his pocket.

"Dude, you really shouldn't be driving right now." Jesse totally ignores him. Finn considers letting him go - really, he doesn't usually worry about other dudes like this, especially this dude. But he realizes that as the team captain, making sure this guy who's so talented it kind of makes him want to hit something doesn't kill himself before he can help them win Regionals just maybe falls under his responsibilities. Besides, Rachel will be really pissed if something bad happens. So he follows Jesse down the hall. "Look, wrapping your car around a pole isn't gonna help anything."

"I don't need you to babysit me," Jesse sneers.

By now Puck has escaped, leaving the girls to yell at each other, and jogs to catch up. "Why are we worried about him after watching that stupid video?" Puck demands.

"It's not his fault Rachel triple-booked us or whatever, and I don't want him to get killed just because he's pissed."

By this point, they've caught up. Jesse stops short at the doors to the parking lot, turning to glare at the two taller boys. "I think you are the last person I want to be in the vicinity of right now, Hudson." He looks Puck up and down, adding, "And you're a close second."

Finn is gearing up to argue when Puck interrupts. "Dude. I got this." He steps up, looking menacing. Jesse cocks an amused eyebrow. "Come with us or I'll tell everyone I caught you looking at Kurt's ass during dance practice last week."

All the amusement vanishes from Jesse's face as it goes totally white. Puck smirks.

"That's what I thought."

"I was looking at his PANTS."

"Like that's any less gay?"

"There's nothing wrong with being well-dressed!"

"Yeah, whatever, point is, let's go."

Jesse groans in defeat, then follows the other two boys across the parking lot. "Where exactly are we going?"

Finn shrugs. "To do what we always do when we're pissed."

Puck wants to take Jesse's car because it is "more badass," but Jesse adamantly refuses to let anyone else behind the wheel, so they settle for Puck's truck. Finn clambers in the backseat – he figures Jesse might pass out if he knows what's gone on back here, and Puck already slept with Finn's girlfriend, so really, what's a little more togetherness?

Something about Jesse's earlier comments about the car are bugging him. He suddenly realizes and frowns.

"You said no one else drives you car?"

"Damn right."

"Then why was Rachel pulling it into the school parking lot last week?"

"Her dads don't have time to take her out with her learner's permit, and there was no traffic on the road that morning."

"You let her drive your car?" Puck takes his eyes off the road to laugh at Jesse as they coast through a stop sign, making Finn gasp audibly. "Dude, you're so whipped."

"Shut up," Jesse snarls.

Secretly, Finn's amused he can be lowered to their level.

Puck feels like beating the hell out of something. But somehow, Jesse has crossed the line into the category of 'things that are no longer okay to beat senseless.' So they go to Finn's house instead, because his mother is working the night shift and he has the Madden hookup.

There's already one empty six-pack on the floor, courtesy of Puck's fake ID. Jesse has broken into the second and is staring contemplatively up at the ceiling. Finn asks him to pass another beer. Jesse sits up to reach it and sways noticeably.

"Stop drinking on an empty stomach, dumbass." Puck tosses a bag of Doritos in Jesse's general direction.

Jesse wrinkles his nose, and he's the second person Finn has ever seen in his life to turn the bag over and stare at the nutrition label. "You expect me to … eat these?"

Puck stares at Jesse with a slack jaw. "Dude. He really is the male version of Berry. Except for the Jewish nose."

"Why aren't we talking about it?" Jesse asks suddenly.

"Talking about what?" Finn's kind of busy gearing up for the next play, here.

"The stupid video."

"Number one, guys don't talk about that. Number two, I'm about to sack Hudson."

"I don't get it. We've been fighting over the same girl for a month. Now she pulls a stunt like this and you just want to act like nothing happened?"

Puck glances sideways at Finn and they nod in agreement. Puck turns around to roll his eyes at Jesse.

"There's no fight here. Or if there is, the two of us already lost."

"You're supposed to be with Rachel," Finn tells the older boy. "I've known it ever since you threatened me to a sing-off instead of a fight. If Rachel were a boy, that's exactly what she'd do."

Jesse frowns, looking either thoughtful or deeply disturbed.

"You both use words that are way too big," Puck chimes in. "And you both kinda make me want to light myself on fire when you start talking about music."

"You let her drive your car," Finn points out.

"You keep saying that. What does THAT have to do with ANYTHING?" Jesse says, exasperated.

Finn frowns. He's getting a headache. There's something here that he can't quite figure out. Suddenly it hits him like a linebacker and he stares at Jesse in shock.

"You've never done this before."

"Done WHAT?"

"This. The boyfriend-girlfriend thing."

Jesse scoffs at him a little. "I've had girls." Puck snickers.

"Yeah, but you've never had a GIRLFRIEND." Finn is pretty sure he's right when Jesse doesn't answer.

"Lucky bastard." Puck goes to slap Jesse a high-five, but Jesse's just sitting there like he's shocked and doesn't move.

"Shit," he breathes. "Is this what it feels like?"

"What?"

"Falling in love."

"Like you can't stop thinking about wanting to make Rachel Berry smile?" Finn says. "Cause, yeah. That's it."

"Fuck." Jesse runs a hand through his curls in frustration and yanks, then reaches for another beer. "This was NOT part of the plan."

Finn knows he's not the smartest guy in the world, but he's instantly on full alert. Like, full-on radar alert. Puck definitely is, too.

"What plan?"

Jesse blinks.

"Dude. Spill," Puck growls.

Now Finn is genuinely pissed.

Jesse hesitates. "I'll only tell you if you promise not to let Puckerman knock my teeth out."

"If you're leaking our set list, I'll knock your teeth out myself," Finn growls.

"No, no, no, it's nothing that stupid. Like we'd need to steal a set list. The nonexistent set list. What exactly is Schuester doing?"

"Not winning any points, man."

"The coach of Vocal Adrenaline, Shelby Concoran, is Rachel's biological mother."

"WHAT?" Finn explodes.

"I'm considerably intoxicated at the moment," Jesse idly points out.

"Keep going, St. James."

"When I met Rachel, it was total coincidence. I saw her sing at Sectionals and couldn't resist flirting with her, even asking her out - I never thought it was serious. But somehow, Shelby found out about the date -"

"Oops," Finn mutters.

"- and confronted me. She wanted me to continue a relationship with Rachel long enough to lead her to Shelby somehow."

"Hasn't she ever heard of a telephone?" Puck wonders.

"She signed a contract. She's not allowed to contact Rachel directly until she turns 18. Rachel has to seek her out."

"So why agree to go through with it?" Finn asks.

Jesse shrugs helplessly. "Like I said, I didn't think it would be serious with Rachel. At the time, my loyalty was to Shelby and Vocal Adrenaline. Plus, there were some not-so-thinly-veiled threats about my scholarship. Shelby even agreed to push a transfer through, to try to get Rachel to trust me more. I'm supposed to stay long enough to carry her plan out, then return to Vocal Adrenaline before Regionals."

"Okay," Puck decides. "I'm going to kill him now."

"Nah. Wait." Finn stares at Jesse. "You said things didn't start out serious with Rachel. What about now?"

"I don't know." Jesse blows out. "All I know is, she actually hurt me with that stupid fucking video. But at the same time, I can't stand being mad at her. I don't want to be away from her. I thought this stupid video was my easy way out - an excuse to go back to Carmel that no one would blame me for. But - I can't stand the thought of doing that."

Finn glances over at his best friend, who is regarding Jesse. Puck's got a finely-tuned bullshit detector. After a minute, Puck shrugs.

"Dude," he says. He jerks a thumb at Finn. "I knocked up his girlfriend."

Finn glares at him. "NOT something to brag about."

"What's the point of that non-sequitur?"

"I have no idea what that means."

"Whatever. Look, my point is, we're all still sitting here and people get over shit. Berry can forgive you for this, because it didn't start out as a lie. And you can forgive the girl you love for making a stupid video. I mean, maybe faster than I can. The song was pretty awful."

"Here's what's gonna happen, Jesse," Finn says. "You're going to tell Rachel EVERYTHING this weekend. Or I'm going to let Puck knock your teeth out."

"AND I'll tell people you looked at Hummel's ass," Puck adds.

Jesse groans, dropping back onto the floor. "She's going to hate me."

Puck shrugs. "Maybe not. And even if she does a little, there's always apology sex."

Jesse groans flopping back on the floor. "This is going to suck."

Finn slaps his shoulder in sympathy. Rachel Berry is really scary when she's pissed.

"Come on," Puck says, throwing the Madden controller onto Jesse's chest. "Hudson's playing like a girl. Give me some real competition."

Jesse eyes the controller like it's going to bite him. "I have no idea how to use one of these."

Finn cracks a grin. "Guess you're learning a lot today, St. James."

Jesse sits up, brushing something off his black shirt. "I'm starving. Can you pass me the Doritos?"

On Monday, Finn and Puck are sitting in the choir room waiting for Mr. Schue to show up, talking about yesterday's Bengals game. A laugh at the door makes Finn look over as Rachel and Jesse walk in, completely wrapped up in each other and looking more sickeningly in love than ever. Rachel is laughing uproariously at something, her pretty brown eyes all lit up, and Jesse has his arm around her shoulders, bending close to hear whatever she just said.

Puck makes a gagging noise, causing Rachel to look over and blush. Now that they've got their attention, Finn just narrows his eyes at Jesse to ask a question; the dark-haired boy just nods almost imperceptibly. Finn grins and Puck notices, reaching out to bump his fist.

Rachel is looking back and forth at all of them. "What's that all about?"

"Nothing to worry about, Berry," Puck says, getting up and sauntering across the room to grab his guitar.

"Yeah, you know," Finn shrugs. "It's a guy thing."