Line of Duty

Category: Angst

Pairing: D'avin/Dutch, Duvin

Summary: "How do you do it-" he asked, hoping the honesty didn't reveal too much, "you said she's like your sister? Then how have you spent this long letting her be the first one to walk into god knows what and the last one out of whatever screwed up mess you get into?"

Warnings: Strong language and generic spoilers for season 1

Disclaimer: Own nadda

Authors Notes: So I am totally in love with Killjoys! :D

"Hey, wait up… D'avin-"

The door closed in John's face and he rolled his eyes hitting the unlock mechanism on the panel. The mechanical swoosh sounded again and he threw himself into the room before his brother could argue, "you want to tell me what the hell is going on?"

It hadn't been their easiest warrant. Two days undercover, religious rebels and an armada of militants had made the mission a complete ball ache but they'd gotten the job done and were all relatively unscathed. Dutch had suffered some minor injuries and a concussion but she'd be fine, his brother on the other hand was another matter. He'd barely said two words since he and Dutch had been jettisoned off the planet only breaking his silence in the infirmary and the sarcastic quip had left John wondering exactly what he'd missed whilst sat in the comfort of Lucy's control room. "Seriously, whatever it is you can talk to me."

D'avin paced the length of his bedroom tearing a hand up through his hair. He was angry, frustrated and beyond pissed off but the truth was he had no reason to be. Dutch was their commanding officer. It was her job to take fire and protect her crew and as a solider he understood the line of duty but no matter how he rationalized it seeing her in danger did things to his emotions that he couldn't even begin to explain. "It's nothing just forget it."

If only it was that simple.

D'avin couldn't shake the memory, couldn't fight the vivid image of her bright gaze pleading with him to obey her order and leave. She was tough as nails and stronger than most of the hardest bastards he'd taken on but he found her eyes always betrayed her and the way they'd held him in place down on the planet was unnerving. The spectrum had ranged from an icy grey blue as she fought, changing to a deep emerald green as she told him to get to the ship and the golden flakes that flared up when she cared about something had slammed the air from his lungs. It wasn't just him, she felt the connection too.

"Something happened down there didn't it?" John tightened his expression, crossing his arms as his brother continued to pace unevenly. All of a sudden he felt like a third wheel in his own family and he didn't bother trying to hide the pissed off curiosity in his tone, "are you two sleeping together?"

"What?" D'avin stopped dead trying to discourage the wave of heated guilt that rushed him from every side. They weren't together in any sense of the word but he'd never felt a more claiming and protective desire to bury him inside of someone before her. He needed her body and mind like he needed air but it was wrong and not just in the 'don't fuck family' way John was referring to. "No we're not sleeping together, Jesus Johnny."

John couldn't help the sigh of relief that escaped his lips but the admission didn't answer any of his questions. If anything it only created more and he stepped further into the room, his expression a mix of annoyance and confusion as he lifted his arms, "then I don't get it, what exactly is your problem!?"

"My problem is going out into the field with-" D'aving caught himself but not before a feeling of dread curled in his stomach. He'd said too much but his back was up against a wall and he stopped pacing, lowering himself to the edge of the bed, "with the only two people I have left in my life." It was partially the truth and half the reason he was in this mess. Because if it weren't for his brother he would've already run head-first from the oncoming storm. "I'm not calling the shots-" he tried again, "if I want to risk my life for somebody that should be my damn decision not hers."

It was believable but John didn't buy it and he took another step easing himself onto the mattress. He didn't want to ask, didn't want to know… but unfortunately he didn't have the luxury of turning a blind eye. They were a family, a unit and if one of them had a problem they all did. "This isn't just about her being in charge is it?"

D'avin wanted to laugh but all that escaped was a frustrated rush of air. It was about more than he could comprehend which made admitting it virtually impossible and the best he could hope for was to try and get a sense of how to handle the situation. "How do you do it-" he asked, hoping the honesty didn't reveal too much, "you said she's like your sister? Then how have you spent this long letting her be the first one to walk into god knows what and the last one out of whatever screwed up mess you get into?"

John straightened letting the words roll from his mouth without hesitation, "because she's the best." It was a bold statement to make but it was the truth. Sometimes he was scared to death to let her go off or make a command decision but they lived in the moment to survive and she'd never let him down yet. "I've seen what she can do and we trust each other. If she had to worry about me looking out for her then she probably would get herself killed."

D'avin shook his head wishing he could find peace with the answer. Every time they went on a mission her strength surprised him but they didn't have that level of trust yet. He couldn't read her like John could and he hated the jealous flare that sparked inside him. They were so close they could practically hear each others thoughts in the field and he wanted that but he couldn't get past his instinctive urge to protect her. It was just another reason why they wouldn't work. "I'm sorry, I am… but I don't think I can do this."

There was a beat of silence and John expected to see some hint of doubt in the man's expression but the stoic response unnerved him. For as long as he could remember his brother had never been rational or cautious about anything in his life and the realization dawned on John with the weight of a ten tonne ship. "Shit… D'avin, really?"

His gaze snapped up confusion drawing his brows together, "wha-"

"Don't." John cut him off and pushed up from the bed with an exasperated sigh, "do not go playing the 'I have no idea what you're talking about' dumb card with me. I know you better than that, remember?"

A deep flush burned the back of his neck. He may as well be wearing a sign that said he had the hots for their team member but he'd be damned if he was going to admit to the infatuation. "Look, I don't like taking orders… that's all it is."

"Bullshit." John flexed his fists trying to expel a sudden rush of anger. No matter how he felt about the situation it was the lying he couldn't stand. Every time he took a step forward rebuilding their relationship something happened to knock him down a peg and he was sick of it. "You know, I might be younger… but you're the one who needs to grow up. Why don't you come find me when you do."

D'avin watched him move towards the door and instantly felt a wave of regret wash over him.

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

He'd been perfectly fine on his own, he hadn't asked for any help but now they were here he felt like a bastard turning his back on the only family he had left.

"Johnny, wait…" a sigh tore from his lips and the younger man stopped turning around. If honesty was the only way to keep their relationship on track then he didn't have a choice, he just hoped it wouldn't be the same thing that tore them apart. "I've tried to ignore, believe me… I don't want to feel this way."

John edged back into the room keeping his guard up as he approached the bed, "and I don't want to have a moronic, total idiot for a brother. You do realize you've royally fucked up here?"

D'avin nodded unable to argue the point. "I know."

"Good." There was genuine remorse on his brother's face and John felt his features soften slightly. He didn't like it, he didn't know that he'd ever be okay with it but apparently the idea was something he was going to have to try and get used to. "So… what are you going to do about it?"

It was the last thing he was expecting to hear and D'avin shifted back so he could read his brothers gaze. It was stern but then was a hint of understanding and he frowned in confusion. "What do you mean?"

John barely resisted the urge to shake him until he got the message. He wasn't exactly giving his blessing but if they wanted to stay together as a team, then one way or another they needed to sort this out. "I mean how about saying something like, hey Dutch, great work on the mission. Thanks for saving both our arses… oh yeah, also I think I'm falling for you. How do you think we should deal with that?"

"You think this is a joke?" D'aving pushed himself up feeling a wave of frustration as he deliberately turned his back. His feelings were inappropriate, they crossed a line and the very fact they were having this conversation felt like a pity vote. He didn't want special treatment just because his brother wanted to keep the three of them together as a team. He should be pissed not making fun of the situation. "You know damn well why I can't do that."

"Can't do what?"

Both men turned to the subject of their conversation and John cleared his throat awkwardly, "hey… shouldn't you be resting?"

"You know me better than that. I'm fine." Dutch caught D'avin's gaze and instinctively straightened moving away from the support. She'd wanted to talk to him about the mission, to find out what had gone wrong and why he'd hesitated but the way his eyes washed over her made her doubt the wisdom of confronting him. He had a way of disarming her which was dangerous but backing down wasn't an option either and she stubbornly held her ground. "Am I interrupting something?"

"You know what I was just leaving." John jumped on the excuse to bolt but stopped just shy of the threshold standing in front of her for what could have been a lifetime rolled into a few fleeting seconds. He loved her and it would take time to get used to the idea of her and D'avin as an item but if they could figure it out, he wouldn't stand in the way of their happiness. With a slight nod he gave her everything he could without saying the words.

Whatever happened the decision was out of his hands and he hit the locking mechanism on his way out, calling on Lucy to keep it closed.

They would thank him for it later.

If they didn't end up killing each other first.