George's hands fumbled over his test results. He couldn't let go of them, not yet. Not now. He couldn't bear to let go of what was lost; this was symbolism of his whole life. If he would just throw the damn thing away, maybe he'd feel better. But he couldn't. He found himself attached.
Callie was long-gone, somewhere in Seattle Grey's, claiming her new office and ordering the new interns around. George could see her now—smiling and raising those perfect eyebrows of her. George wanted to curse himself for not being able to think of her as beautiful…maybe quite attractive, but he couldn't think of her as beautiful. He thought of Izzie as beautiful.
- - - - - - -
Izzie's hands crawled their way around three more cookies.
"Alex!" she cooed, seeing Alex walk in. Immediately, Alex's face fell at the sight of his friend's cookies. Izzie only baked when something was wrong. Something was wrong. The cookies were baked, sitting on the counter and wafting delicious smells towards his nose. But he didn't have time to worry about Izzie. He had to worry about Eva.
"Hey, Iz. Why the cookies?"
"I wanted to make some. I love baking cookies!"
"Iz." He put a hand on her shoulder. Trying to pull off a comforting smile—even though he could hardly pull off a normal one—he looked at her in the face.
"Izzie Stevens, what's wrong? I'll take a cookie, but I'll take it and I'll know what's wrong. Ok? Tell Alex."
Izzie's eyes were cast downward as she handed Alex a cookie and almost reluctantly followed him to the table. She sat down, leaned back, and put her feet on the table. Holding back sufficiently large and wanted tears, she breathed deeply. Stuttering slightly, she told him.
"I love Georgie."
Shadows crawled onto Alex's features. He knew what that meant. He didn't much mind that she was in love again; after Denny, after him. But he did mind that his best friend was in love with a married man. And there was a possibility he loved her back and something was going on, judging by her dazed face.
"And?"
"Nothing's happening. I'm trying to…hold myself back, you know? Just contain myself and let Georgie be with Callie and make myself shut up. But I can't." Izzie looked strained. "I can't just…tell myself to shut up and look at Georgie every day. He's Georgie. We've had…well, never mind. I love Georgie. It's not just me trying to get over Denny. I love him. And I told you."
"You what?" Alex's eyes widened with the shock of this random outburst. But he was glad he was getting it. It was obvious Izzie needed to shake it off of her chest and never hear it again. That's why he was here, right?
"And he didn't respond. I told Georgie that I"—she choked, tears marching quickly and blindly down her pale cheeks—"loved him. And he said nothing. Isn't that just like the…the jerk? But—but…" Her voice trailed off. She fell forward, into Alex's arms and cried. She muffled her cries in his hospital-smelling shirt and felt the sadness. Maybe not for Denny anymore; maybe she had grown up. Or maybe it was for everything. This many tears couldn't just be for Georgie.
- - - - - - -
"To me, you suck. I kind of…hate you."
Why? She cursed herself once again, not noticing the tears. She didn't have the time or energy to dry tears, go look in the mirror, take them off, and go to work. She couldn't even move her numb left arm. She wanted Alex. Like a little baby, she wanted Alex. She couldn't have him. Why couldn't she have him? She had said those words and ruined her whole relationship that might-have-been. Now it was completely gone, disappearing in the midst of all those other relationships. Then there was Eva. Yeah, he loved Ava. But why? What was so special about her other than her lovely lips…her great smile…her perfect display of loveliness and niceness…that to-die-for voice…
Addison wished the racket that her brain was making would halt. She needed to get some sleep. Feeling a slight burst of star energy, she leaned on her arm and saw the clock.
"Crap!" she exclaimed, jumping out of bed. She fell flat. Was she sick? Was this sickness love? Was she just lame from spending a night without sleep? But she had spent many of those worrying, obnoxious nights where she hadn't gotten any sleep. She just felt dizzy now. It wasn't from tiredness. Perfect excuse—she could call in sick and never see Alex Karev's extremely attractive face ever again.
- - - - - - -
Georgie's face twitched as it oftentimes did. It twitched just like he was making an inspirational speech, but in this case, he wasn't. He was looking at pictures of him and Izzie. She was beautiful. Supermodel-beautiful, actually. Did he love her? Questions marched themselves in scramble-filed marching lines across his brain's thoughts. Stamp, stamp, stamp. Were they stamping his love for Callie out?
He lay back in bed and shut his eyes. He couldn't do this. …Right?
- - - - - - - - -
Derek saw her. The petite, beautiful girl. She was down there, in the hallway, talking to each other. They were Bailey's interns. Her hair swung graciously around her head as she cocked her beautiful face slightly and asked a small, unimportant question. Derek liked the way her eyebrows crumpled like that, solemn but fun, every time she asked a question. What was it with him meeting the girls he had met at Joe's at work? Did the Joe's business somehow leak into Seattle Grey's, when they were so beautiful?
"Derek?" Oh, that voice. That. Voice. Derek tried to force a thin-lipped smile. Noticing himself in a glossy window, he noticed it was more of a grimace. No matter. He had to see Meredith.
"Hello, Meredith." His voice was cold and thin-whipped.
"Derek I…I don't know what to think. What about that girl in the bar? Nothing happened? Are you…telling me the truth?"
"Yea. Nothing happened. She flirted with me. She was beautiful."
"Beautiful? Like me-beautiful…I mean, beautiful only to only some people and I don't know why they think that, or Izzie-beautiful…supermodel-style with a knack for modeling lingerie?"
"Supermodel-style. Although not Izzie, blonde and rosy cheeks, but petite, thin, and quiet."
"Oh." Meredith looked down. She couldn't compete with that. And for once in his life, he didn't say, "You are beautiful. Both kinds of beautiful—you, unique beautiful, and supermodel beautiful." He didn't correct her today.
"Well, fine," she said wryly. "Be with…whoever. If you ever see her again."
"I see her right now." Derek's eyebrows were raised as a perfect finger pointed to a woman in the intern circle.
"What is it with you and interns?" spat Meredith before turning on her heel. "And what about me being the love of your life?"
"I don't know what's it with me and interns. They're…special. You being the love of my life? You can't be if you keep…pushing. I'm about to fall off of a cliff, Meredith, can't you see? If you'd stop pushing me in the direction off these women, I would love you. But it's impossible. If I can't love you today, if I can't love you tomorrow, there's no time in your schedule for me to love you. All right?"
"Not all right!" said Meredith, shaking with the abrupt anxiety. The unwanted sequence that was clicking right before her very eyes wasn't what she wanted. Her breaths shook as did her voice. "I may not be beautiful and my voice may be whiny, but…but I'll always love you. Probably more than that…amazingly beautiful intern. I just have a—a weird way of showing it."
"You're right with that." Derek turned on his heel and walked away. He disappeared into the mounds of people that had appeared all around them.
- - - - - -
Cristina couldn't feel it. The exhilaration of being an attending, the happiness of having her own heart-transplant surgery. The energy that was supposed to create a bubble that would envelop her wasn't coming. She only felt despair. Burke had left her. If anything, she was supposed to be the one who left Burke. Burke didn't leave people. As her hands drowsily found their way around the red sea of blood, she could only think of him. She might have been married today. She might have been in Burke's arms right now. But she had insisted upon her own surgery and her wish had been granted. And she wasn't in Burke's arms. The thoughts that let themselves run free and untamed in her brain were telling her she wanted to be in Burke's arms. If only her heart would disagree. But it didn't. And she couldn't enjoy the damn surgery.
- -- -
An: I can't last a whole summer without Grey's Anatomy! I think I'll die. So here you go, people, these are /my/ episodes. If I got to choose what would happen, this would be it. It may be a bit...obscure, but this is mainly for me.
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