Yes, I know, the dreaded "five things" meme. I love it. Bear with me or skip :)
Five secrets of John Sheppard's that John doesn't know Evan Lorne has discovered
1. John knows the name of every single person who has died in Atlantis since they've arrived. There's no distinction in his mind between military or civilian, killed by Wraith or Genii or Replicators or sheer bad luck. He knows every name and every face, and sometimes when he locks himself in his office "to do some paperwork," Evan knows that the only paper involved is the label on the bottle of whiskey he keeps in the bottom drawer and the work is in keeping the names and the faces fresh in his mind. It's torture, of a kind, but Evan allows John the ritual, understanding that this is John's own way of grieving.
2. John keeps a small picture of his family tucked inside his day-planner. It's an old photograph – John's probably only seven or eight, and his brother Dave is slightly older, slightly taller to his left, and their parents are standing behind the boys. John's father is smiling in the direction of the camera, as is Dave, but John's face is smiling up at his mother, and she's clearly laughing at something as she looks down at him.
On the back, a neat hand had written, "At Aunt Martha's, 1978." Below that, in a much messier scrawl, was written, "Mom's last vacation."
3. John's love for and devotion to his team is a secret to no one, but Evan knows that the same level of loyalty extends to everyone on Atlantis, military and civilian alike. If any member of any off-world team were to get into trouble, John would run through the Gate himself and dodge every stunner blast or speeding bullet until the lost was found, and would bring them home even if he was injured himself. From McKay and Teyla and Ronon to AR-5 to the people in Food Services, these are John's People, and he doesn't leave his people behind.
Which is why Evan knows that somewhere, in some part of him, John is still looking for Ford.
4. John sings in the shower. This is a secret that Evan found out entirely by accident, and one that he knows he will never, ever share, even under pain of death.
It was the end of the day; not a particularly bad day, but John had been tired and had left earlier than usual, leaving Evan to finish things up. Evan had gladly done so. It was his personal opinion that John did too much – tried to take too much responsibility, tried to do too many people's jobs, tried to be Superman, and it was patently ridiculous.
As was his habit, he was double-checking all of John's paperwork. It wasn't that John was careless or anything even remotely like that, but if a mistake was made it could take weeks to rectify, so better safe than waiting for the Daedalus was Evan's mantra. He'd found a requisition form from one of the science departments that hadn't been signed, stuck between two other forms (from the same department, Evan noticed, and what could they possibly need three hundred boxes of nail polish remover for?). Evan set it aside and, when he finished with his work, picked it up. He'd just stop by John's quarters, get him to sign off on it, and then take care of sending everything through in the morning.
When he reached John's quarters, Evan ran his hand over the door chimes and waited. He frowned a minute later when the door didn't open and silently reached out with his mind to touch the link to Atlantis that everyone with the ATA gene felt. His own gene wasn't nearly as strong as John's, but Evan had worked hard to learn how to do some basic things pretty well, which he used now to locate John.
Atlantis said that he was in his quarters.
Evan rang the chimes again, waiting a full two minutes before tapping his radio. "Colonel Sheppard," he said confidently into the mic. He waited another minute before using his military override codes to enter the room, worried at the other man's lack of response.
He heard the shower as soon as the door slid open. Evan stopped in the doorway, already turning to leave, when he heard the voice coming from the bathroom. It was a Beatles song, if he remembered correctly, though he didn't know the title. He shook himself a few seconds later and closed the doors behind him as he walked to his own quarters. The form could wait until the morning.
Who knew, Evan reflected to himself, that Sheppard had a good voice?
5. John is totally, completely, head-over-heels, ridiculously in love with Atlantis.
Everyone with the gene can feel her, to some extent. Evan has figured out during his time in the City that those with the gene naturally, himself included, have a stronger bond than those with Dr. Beckett's gene therapy. It's why McKay is always calling for one of them or a handful of others on the base to act as what John calls "Ancient light switches" – time spent touching things and thinking on, on, on (sometimes immediately followed by OFF OFF OFF OFF).
He can tell, even without being told, that John's connection to the City is stronger than anyone else's. He suspected it when he read those first mission reports – of the City, dark and silent, lighting as soon as John stepped through the Gate; it's confirmed in his mind every time he sees Atlantis do something automatically for John that Evan couldn't coax her to do if he spent hours trying. It's little things, mostly; doors open as he walks towards them, and Evan knows he never thinks open, lights turn on and off as he walks through the halls, and once, he heard Johnny Cash piped through the corridors, following John as he walked around the City after a particularly bad mission. John is in tune with the City as none of the rest of them are – as none of them could possibly be.
And John is enraptured by it. It's easy for Evan to see, but then he's always been good at seeing what others hide. John still marvels at Atlantis, at his power over her, at the ease he has doing things that he watches others struggle with. Evan has seen the man find people in the City without the help of a handheld scanner like the rest of them use; the Colonel just squinted, cocked his head, and walked down the correct hallways until they stood outside Dr. Solivert's lab, where they had found Dr. Parrish. John had just shrugged when Evan asked him, but Evan knew – he had asked the City, and she had responded.
John treats the City reverently. Sure, he's on missions a lot, and he's stalking around most of the time when he's on duty, but when he thinks nobody is watching, John will trail his hands along the walls as he walks, or stand and stare at the architecture, or watch the sunsets over the City from a Jumper. Evan is certain that some of it – probably even most of it – is unconscious, but it shows John's feelings all the same.
And when they were forced to leave, when Helia and the others came back, John spent six weeks on Earth, wandering like a man without a soul when he wasn't off-world. When they returned, Evan was almost shocked that John's smile couldn't replenish their drained ZPMs by itself. And Atlantis welcomed John, her favored son, back with open arms.
The City shows John things, too, like the balcony that he retreats to when he's upset, and she modifies the citywide lifesigns detectors to give him time alone. She shows him rooms he doesn't understand but that he shows McKay, and Evan sees the scientist's awe – how did you find this? We've been looking for months for something like this! – as he scurries around, ordering John to "do the light switch thing." It shows John the best place to see the moons at night and the quarters with the biggest rooms when Teyla needs more space for herself and the baby and where the Ancients kept their spare medical supplies when Keller runs out of gauze before the Daedalus can arrive.
John might be in love with Atlantis, but Evan can see that the feeling is mutual.