Hey everyone, WhereIsMyLife here with my first fanfiction for any fandom. Anyway, please Read&Review, and enjoy!

Disclaimer - I do not own Blue Exorcist, or this would be canon.

Also -

Italic is Rin thinking. This story will be from Rin's POV.

-XXX-

Everyone's stares, full of fear, hatred and the desire to run away hit me as I walk into cram school. They all hate me. I grin at them. Same old goofy Rin Okumara, son of Satan himself.

I sat down in my usual seat, in the back corner of the room. Everyone else was sitting as far away as they could get. Which was fine by me. It meant no one was close enough to see my scars, my pulled-up sleeves, my hollow eyes or my too-thin body. They wouldn't give a shit though. 'Good, the Devil-child is dying.' I can see it in their faces.

Yukio walked in a few minutes after I did and started the lesson. I tried to listen, but fell asleep. I wasn't going to pass anyway. Not like anyone would care. They all think I'm a monster. I should just die soon. But I have Kuro, and I don't want to leave Yukio alone. They don't hate me. I hope...

I woke up halfway through the lesson. After that I just stared blankly into space. I didn't notice everyone leaving, or Yukio coming up to my desk. "Rin? The lesson's over. Let's go back to the dorm." The world came into focus.

"Oh, yeah. O-okay." My shaky reply bothered me. I wanted to sound okay. I didn't.

"Are you okay, Nii-san?" Yukio seemed concerned. I felt my emotions rising, threatening to send a crack through my all ready shaky mask. "I'm fine!" I smiled.

If you smile people think you're okay. That's what they want to see. They won't look past the mask and see your real emotions, because they don't need to. Because 'everything is fine, Rin's smiling.' I can put up a convincing mask, I hope. Enough to fool Yukio, usually.

But I needed to leave. I could feel my mask starting to shatter under the weight of my emotions. I hadn't cut all day.

"Yeah, let's go. Race you!" Hoping he couldn't hear the falseness in my excitement, I stood up, took a running start and jumped out the window. Landing softly. Scrambling up a building. Jumping along the roofs until I got to ours. Same thing as everyday.

Because everyone hated me, why would I want to walk with them? Because everyone hated me, why would they let me be near them? Because everyone hated me... why can't I do it? Why can't I drive the knife in all the way? Yukio and Kuro. They would be sad if I left. So I have this for now.

I took out my favorite and oldest toy. A small pocket knife Shiro gave me when I was 11. I actually have many toys from Shiro. A razor I stole and a piece of metal that broke off when I destroyed something are my favorite toys from him.

Stupid old man. He didn't love me. He lied. Yukio lied. My 'friends' are all lies. I broke. Pocketing the small knife and taking out the metal shard with a small smile. It was about the size of my thumb, and sharp enough to make a lot of blood fall.

Grinning through the tears, which had welled up from my shattered my mask unnoticed, I tore into my arms. A zig-zag on the left. The blood splattered on the floor. A swirling star on the right. More scars for me.

Because of my shitty REAL 'dad', the cuts healed within 5 minutes, leaving only a thin white line. But if it's deep enough, it gets a darker line that takes longer to heal. And hurt more.

As the physical hurt started to fade, so did the emotional. 'That's bad! Stop, it doesn't help! You should just talk!' Hah. It's not bad, and it does help. It's my body, what the hell do you care? And I'm a DEMON. You hate me. Like hell someone would talk to me. I don't deserve to live.

As the years passed, this was my oldest toy. The first time I used it was when I was 12. I heard about it through someone who came to the church. So I tried it. At first, it hurt. Then I realized it helped. So I kept cutting. It hurt more back then. I hurt less inside, but more outside. How ironic.

Then I came to True Cross. I was happy. I didn't need it. But I kept it, because I think I knew, even then, that I was going back to it.

I never was good at keeping secrets. But I learned to keep my biggest, for Yukio. So he wouldn't worry. My little brother.

My little brother... lied to me. Lied to me about so many things. He doesn't love me. He KNEW. He probably hates me. My mask dissolved.

Laughing and crying at the same time. Story of my life. I drive the piece of metal into my leg.

-XXX-

Thanks for reading!
I might continue this oneshot if I get enough support, or if I feel like it, which could be tomorrow or never. Please review if you liked it (or didn't).

Bye for now,
WhereIsMyLife.