Puppet Strings

~Almost forgot which hand was my left and which was my right. Thats pretty stupid ya know..lol. Anyways i wont call my self a writer. Its more of an experiment. Anyways please read my story Puppet Strings and tell me what you think..Much Luv 33..Oh wait! A quick Note: You steel my shit, I'll track you down, and kill you in detail, video taping it and sending it to your family for Chanukkah. GOT IT?!?! ~

Puppet Strings

[ mood | accomplished and tired ]

[ music | Nobody's listening - Linkin Park ]

If I could change anything about the world, it would be people's belief in God. That he is not everything that they make him out to be. If you have to see to believe, then why do all of these people believe in something, that none of us have ever seen?! I will never again believe in anything that I have not seen or is not standing before me.

I begin to wonder as I had many times before. It seems like I have been here for days, weeks, months, years. I can only yern for an escape from this so called life. I'd rather see my own blood surround me on the pavement, or see my body hanging from a rope before I would stay here any longer.

I don't feel like speaking to you now. You are not my advisor or my guide as it seems like everyone lets you be. I've always heard everyone say with great power comes great responsibility. Yet when you abuse this right, you will somehow lose it. Could we ever lose everything that we hold so close?

It would seem as if you clasp it in your hands you will either break it, or it will slide through your fingers like fine grains of sand.

'If I could tell the world just one thing it would be, that we're all okay. And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful and useless in times like these. I won't be made useless. I won't be ideled with despair. I'll wrap myself around my faith, and fight the darkness most fear.'

I say those simple words of the song over and over in my mind. Even if the rest of it doesn't make sense to go along with saying we are 'God's' in any sense. It's not that I don't believe, it's that I don't wish to worship the one that will kill me in the end.

Why should someone decide what is your time and what isn't? No one should be able to have that type of power.

I walk over to the tree, the one that has the names of myself and his carved into it. I sit facing towards the lake, yanking at the chains that bind me to my core. The feel as if they are embedded in my skin, and only could be cut out.

Self mutilation is beautiful to me.

I crawl over to the lake, dipping my hand in, I start to paint against the darkened ground. The shapes come to my mind, and I make them appear with my blood. I smile down at the words I had realized I had wrote.

"I hate you."

Bright as it seems to be fresh. I finish off by wiping the metallic tasting substance against my leg, and down the opposite arm. I want to bathe in my own blood, and sing the song of my journey, my life. The one that will be heard for years to come.

Finally, I stood to my feet, walking away from the lake to a figure in the darkness. Could it be you? Is he still out there?! I feel my heart start to drop in the pit of my stomach. Only seeing is believing, but if you have to see, do you really still want to believe?

I am only haunted by the images of the past, and taunted by the fears that consume me. I have started to second guess myself. There is nothing to fear amongst the darkness. There are only shadows. These shadows cannot speak to me, nor touch me. If this is the simplicity of my surroundings, how come I can not break free from a shadows hold?

I begin to ponder these continuous questions that intrude the thoughts I try to escape. Forever it seems to me, I will be stuck in this desolate land. The one no other mortal being has stepped upon. The paths are ones of my own, the ones I have walked down, trying to find my way out. I stand to my feet, walking along over the hills, up and down again.

I began to speak out loud to myself, to him, to the one that was holding me here. He will object to what I have to say, but this time, it is not to him, but to the world.

"Falling, I'm falling.. into this brief yet never-ending eternity. Looking into the pure, bitter-sweet darkness. My new home, and I'm here to stay."

The words seem to fall, drifting to the darkened ground like blinding white snowflakes. Beautiful, all in it's own way. I don't bother looking up into the dreary sky above me, I already know you are listening to me. You always listen, but you do not stop me from speaking the words against you.

"Wishing I was gone, into the blankness of nothing. Yearning to be cut from the puppet strings, that bound me here for ever after. Knowing.. more is out there."

I take a deep breath of the foul air that has accompanied me throughout the days it seems I have spent here.

"So close, yet so very far away. Innocent angelic whispers, only above me and nothing more. Blinding white that surrounds me, just on the walls. But walking over this black ground. When it's never forever, nor here to stay."

I smirk as I feel the wind start to blow against my back, tossing the darkened strands of hair away from my deathly pale face. A smile starts to spread across my face out of practically no where it seems, I continue with my poem.

"Looking for the light, at the end of the tunnel, that's not really there. Cut me free and let me see, just what this desolate new world, will bring to me."

I start to spin in circles, walking along the hills, and into the lake, I don't care anymore. I have simply, let go.

"Alone, I'm alone.. and the walls are closing in. But what you don't see, is what will never truly end. Never really alone.. but no one is around. This is my sanctuary, this is where I'm bound."

I continue my spinning act, until I feel as if I will pass out. Falling back, into the lake, I lay on my back, floating in my own despair. I close my eyes as I continue on with my poem.

"From this dream, I'll never wake, from this life, I put at stake. It felt so real like.. you were really there."

I begin to drift into another state of mind, trailing back to the times before with him. The ones where I still wouldn't talk, where I still held onto a dream.. the one of us together.

"But knowing you're far away. Touching you, holding you, but only you're the reason, that I'm lost inside myself. Now when everything is dark, and I'm not to be found. Drifting into the darkness, land of no sight nor sound. Chasing after something that, I could have only imagined, but when you wake up.. I'll be gone.. because..."

I feel my body start to sink below the surface. The falling sensation, becoming over my body as I never seem to hit the bottom. My eyes are opened wide, as I keep speaking.

"Falling, I'm falling.. into this darkened doorway. One not of my own, and never it will be again. There was no light at the end.. just darkness."

I quickly regain composure, and try to push myself back up to the surface of the surrounding blood. After a struggle of a few more moments, I reach the top, and take in a deep breath, pushing the hair away from my eyes as I peer around.

"Eternal.. darkness."

If gaining back everything I have ever lost meant giving my soul away to the one that could hurt me the most, I would do it in a heartbeat. The price to pay is worth the very air you breathe. Taking the very life from your body and bringing yourself into the light beyond the darkness of the world.

If you were caught up in your own nightmare, would you be able to take control, or would you let them take over?

I finally manage to walk out of the lake, drenched in my own blood the color stained against my skin. I hear the laughter. The laughter that has followed me through this life and the one before. Sometimes, I wish that I could disappear in the darkness beyond the hills and never return to this place.

I glare down at the ground, my eyes narrowed, and hands clenched into fists.

"What do you want?"

I add with emphasis towards him.

"I am in no mood to deal with your foolish immortal ways at the moment."

I release the words at him like archers with their arrows towards the target.

"I have only come to say, I enjoyed your little speech, or poem, as you would like to say."

I smirk, hearing the words that are so insincere.

"Yes, I am sure you did."

I reply sarcastically.

"I hence a bit of sarcasm in your last statement. Why would you ever doubt me, Malakai?"

I cringe under the thought of him saying my name. Him, speaking to me directly.

"I have every reason to doubt you, God. If that is who you really are, since it is who you proclaim to be. You have shown me no reason to trust, or to believe you in that matter. You are just as insignificant as I am to the rest of the world."

"Tsk, tsk now, dear. You should never think of yourself as a lower class to the rest of the world."

"Oh, and why is that? Because I am your 'chosen one' or is it because I'M FUCKING CRAZY?!?!?!"

I scream up at him, my eyes now moving to the sky, still narrowed, and set with a dangerous glare upon him. I was intimidated by him before, but now, learning that there is nothing left to fear, but fear itself. I've learned that the world is an unjustified and cruel place. Sometimes, harder on some then others.

"You are not crazy, Malakai. Just a bit out of place amongst the rest of the world."

I sneer at your comment, my lips curling up, as I shake my head.

"Out of place?!?! OUT OF PLACE!??!?! You.. have no idea. Sure, people believe you are some high and mighty person that controls what happened to everyone. But really, I think you were just as I was. Alone. Lost. And sick of being messed with by the realist of the world. Maybe I did just want to get away, and you followed me here. You are not God. You are just another person. I believe you are a figment of my imagination. The dead stay dead, they don't come back. They do not speak either for that matter. I have created you, I can kill you."

I start rambling off the first things that come to mind, realizing I have just made a fool of myself all over again. It doesn't matter now. The words are just words, the emotions are empty, and there is nothing left.

"If that is what you truly believe, then why haven't you left? Why are the strings still there, and Why are you not with him? The one you think you love. The one I created so that you would be able to spend the hours of the day with, latched onto him like a little child."

I cringe again when he starts to talk about him. The one. The only. I start to yank at the ropes that had now turned to chains, unmercifully. I want them out. I want them off! I will prevail, even if I kill myself in the process.

"LET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!"

I scream at the top of my lungs into the misty sky. Silver bits of fog twirl amongst the midnight sky. The wind is starting to pick up as I twirl about in circles, my head pointed towards the sky.

For the first time being here, I feel the trickles of water against my face. The washing away of my blood, my sin, my life. All I wanted to do was live, I never wanted to be in the middle of a horrific nightmare. One.. not even of my own mind.

"I'm afraid I cannot do that, dear. You and only you, can find the way out. All you have to do, is find the key, that opens all the locks."

I finally stop my spinning about and fall to the ground. I lay there, in the rain, being washed away of everything. But when I close my eyes this time, I'm falling again. As quickly as they close, they jerk open. Only.. to find myself back in my house, on the floor.

I stare up at the people that are surrounding me, and the lightening outside the window, the pitter-patter of the drops of rain against the roof, that is after a few moments, driving me insane.

The people gawk, they stare, they point. I have no idea why they are doing such a thing, but as I put my hand to my face.. I realize that just as in the place before, I am wet, and covered in this thick liquid. I do not bring my face in front of my eyes, I already know what is there.

~Next chapter up soon~ Please tell me what you think.~