Title: Unmasked
Author: Nikki-snowflakeangel01
Rating: PG-13 for adult situations (suicide) and profanity.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. sigh I'd like to though.
Spoilers: Season 5 through Goodbye To All That.
Notes: This is another one of my one shot song fictions. The song is Figure .09 by Linkin Park. Written in Bosco's POV like usual. Bosco-Cruz relationship. I'm sorry if that's not your cup of tea. ; ) Read anyway.
Nothing' ever stops all these thoughts n' the pain attached to them
Sometimes I wonder why this is happening'
It's like nothing' I can do would distract me when
I think of how I shot myself in the back again
I hated you.
I hated you for so many valid and yet so many unexplainable reasons and yet I still found myself wondering if you are pleased with the person you had become, a person who was hiding under a mask from the world. One who hid under a tough identity. But I was the only one you had revealed yourself too, wasn't I? You unmasked yourself and let me see you, the person who needed just anyone in the world to listen, to care, to love.
'Cuz from the infinite words I can say I
Put all pain you gave to me on display
But didn't realize instead of setting' it free I
Took what I hated and made it a part of me
I can't seem to leave you alone though, force you out of my mind, my thoughts, and my fears. It's not my fault that whenever I look at myself in the mirror, I see a masked person, one that's hurt, dark, and beat to the ground. I see you in my own skin.
It never goes away
You no longer leave me though.
It never goes away
I can always feel your remorseful tears burning my own eyes to escape.
I can always feel that anger that rids in the bottom of your stomach and the pain that you have had burdened on your shoulders with for so many long years.
Only now, I can understand you.
And now
You've become a part of me
You'll always be right here
You've become a part of me
You'll always be my fear
I can't separate
Myself from what I've done
Giving up a part of me
I've let myself become you
I wanted to tell you that I understand you; unlike I could before the 'accident.' I was just hoping that maybe you would be a bit happier that way, now that you have someone to share your pain with. Even in death.
Unwillingly, maybe this was just you're way of making me understand you a bit more, by taking that pistol (that .9 you had in your closet) and making it final. It was you're last 'tale'; you're last lesson to me. You just wanted someone to care about you. That's the way it always was, wasn't it?
I'm just sorry I was too late to see.
Hearing' your name the memories come back again
I remember when it started happening'
I see you n' every thought I had and then
The thoughts slowly found words attached to them
Just maybe if I had listened more closely, really looked between the lines all that time we were together instead of focusing on planning how I would get back in your bed, I could have stopped it. Just maybe I would have been worth enough to you, to even think twice, to even hesitate, and put the gun down.
And I knew as they escaped away
I was committing' myself to em n' everyday
I regret saying' those things 'cuz now I see that I
Took what I hated and made it a part of me
But I was too blind.
I never even gave you a god damn chance to explain what had happened that night in the hotel room. I was selfish not too, all I thought about was how you had betrayed me, betrayed my respect for Faith. I couldn't give you another chance.
That was just the last strand, right there. The last strand of beads was broken, and you no longer had anyone.
It never goes away
It never goes away
None of this matters anymore. I can't change time, as much as I'd kill to just tell you that I cared, to just tell you maybe I did love you.
And now
You've become a part of me
You'll always be right here
You've become a part of me
You'll always be my fear
I can't separate
Myself from what I've done
Giving up a part of me
I've let myself become you
I set a single rose on to your gravestone. You would have been angry with me for doing this. Hell, I can feel your anger for even coming here to the cemetery. But it's not like it matters. I read your name over and over in my head.
Maritza Rosa-Lee Cruz
I had to come though.
I had to apologize.
Apologize to myself, to you, and to us.
Us.
I know you didn't leave me though.
You're just finally unmasked; an accent to the wind.
But your soul will always be a part of me.
And now
You've become a part of me
You'll always be right here
You've become a part of me
You'll always be my fear
I can't separate
Myself from what I've done
Giving up a part of me
I've let myself become you