Chapter 1

The day after Cas dies, for real this time, all Hell breaks loose.

No, not Hell as in Lucifer's cage or Crowley's never ending line, but the type of emotional hell we all experience at some point.

The type of Hell that the Winchester's experience far too often.

Sam is sitting in the corner sulking while Dean is mulling about Bobby's salvage yard, looking for things to break & drowning his man tears in booze.

Every so often Dean walks into the house, looks at Sam, opens his mouth for a minute then closes it again before shaking his head & going back to stalking around the house in that kicked puppy way of his.

Sam is getting pretty sick of it to be honest. So the next time Dean wanders back inside, before he even gets a chance to open his mouth, Sam cuts him off.

"Dean, I know it hurts that you lost Cas twice in such a short amount of time, but it only hurts this much because you were in love with him an-"

"I'm sorry, I must be hearing things. Did you say I was in love with Castiel?" Dean interjects, like even suggesting such a thing is possibly the most ludicrous idea he has ever heard.

Switching into Dr. Phil mode Sam sighs in his sympathetic way "Dean...you know you were. Now it just hurts that you were too stupid to fess up to him & now you've lost your only chance"

"I wasn't in love with him Sammy."

"Dean you can't be serious! Unless you…oh my God you really didn't realize it did you?" The realization that it might not been as obvious to Dean 'yes prove to me again how straight you are' Winchester finally dawns on Sam.

"There was nothing to realize Sam, since I wasn't in love with him. I mean, come on, and not only was he a dude but he was also an angel for fuck's sake."

"It was so obvious to everyone that I didn't even consider the fact that you hadn't even realized it yet. Dean, I'm so sorry. I should've said something. But even if you didn't realize you loved him, you should know that he was in love with you too."

"Cas was in l-love with me?" Dean blanches, stuttering.

And then Sam has to activate his sassy gay bestie mode, and he really hates doing this but it's desperate times call for desperate measures. "Of course he was Dean. The way he stared at you all the time, you had to have known something was up!"

"I thought he did that to everyone…." Dean says dejectedly.

"No Dean, it was you. It was only you. The same way he invaded your personal space, only yours. Cas would have died for you! Fuck, he did die for you! More than once! You think he would have done that if he wasn't in love with you?"

"He would have done the same for you Sam and you know it!" Dean's gone from ignorant to defensive in two seconds flat.

"I know he would Dean, but he'd only save me because of you. He knew you needed me more than anything else. Why do you think he grabbed me from the pit? He did it for you Dean! Everything he did was for you! And you're the only person who didn't notice it! Balthazar noticed it, Crowley noticed it, and for fuck's sake even Uriel noticed it! How is it that your head is shoved so far up your ass that you didn't even know you were in love with your best friend & that he was in love with you too!" Bitch-face activated.

"Sam, just…shut up."

"No, Dean you need to hear this! It's the only way for you to get any closure! You know Cas was in love with you, maybe you didn't realize it but deep down you knew. You had to! Dean, he killed his own brothers for you! He rebelled against Heaven & he did all of it for you! "

"Sam, I said shut the fuck up!" With one hard shove Dean knocks Sam back against the wall, getting the hell out of there before Sam can even process what just happened. You could hear the loud rumbling of the Impala from inside, and Sam knew that Dean needed some time alone. Maybe he'd finally realize that how he felt for Cas went way beyond a platonic bromance.