Disclaimer: I own nothing... and I'm poor... suing me will only get you a couple nickles and a
paperclip... definitely. not. worth it.
Tears slid down her cheeks unchecked. Why? she thought, though she knew her
subconscious held no answers. The fireplace alight in her private library, the light from the
flames dancing merrily across her face.
Her curly brunette hair splayed across her face as she lowered her head, her hands rushing
to her face to wipe away the trails her emotions had caused yet again. She stopped, not wiping
away the trails as another fit of pain flits through her. He was gone again. Her beloved. He had
been called by his master... to die? To live to face another challenge? It was not her charge to
know. She had been kept in the dark for months and the few years. Recruited by the Order right
out of university to be a rogue death eater's wife... to try to infiltrate their circle as he had been
able. To gather as much information as deigned pertinent. Though it wasn't just the Order who
demanded this of her... but the Dark Lord of his own Death Eater.
Her first thoughts were selfish. They eventually lost ground to the greater good... greater
good. That phrase felt heavy... overused. It had been her excuse for everything. "I'll marry him
for the greater good." "I'll go to revels and dark, secret meetings for the greater good." "I'll
survive the torment for the greater good." "I'll endure his misdirected emotional abuse for the
greater good." "I'll love him for the greater good." No... her love had come unexpected, even to
her, and wasn't strictly for the greater good. The respect for his sacrifice... his continued sacrifice
for the Order: emotional, physical, and mental. The slights of kindness that he made in her
direction. Even through his disdain, she loved him... though careful not to show it. The mask
was securely in place every moment in his presence. Her private library was her sanctuary. Her
place to let the mask slip. To cry for her beloved.
The creak from the poorly oiled door was loud in her ear. Turning her back on him as he
entered her sanctuary, she composed herself. The mask securely in place, she felt fit to greet him,
though her face was still streaked with tears.
"Hello, Severus," The harsh sound of her throat made the fact that she had been crying
evident. She cleared her throat, unwilling to show weakness in his presence, "To what do I owe
this honor?"
He winced. Wishing she would not make this any harder than it already would be for him.
"Dear...," term of endearment was almost enough to shock her into turning around, though she
knew better, quickly dabbing her eyes with her cloth, "I've returned."
She was glad. It was a constant fear that he would not, though she doubted he knew her
feelings toward that particular emotion.
He walked forward, gripping her shoulders lightly, "I need to speak with you." What was
that in his voice? Concern?
"Of course, husband." She took in a breath, trying to calm her rattled nerves. "Come, sit."
She motioned to the chair across the coffee table from her. He did so. If he was shocked by her
tears, he didn't appear so to the casual observer, though Hermione could tell as if someone had
written it with a black-felt tipped pen. Her eyes were still slightly puffy and red-lined. Her cheeks
tinted pink where most of her face was pale.
"I have not been completely honest with you," he began, trying to read her features...
though he couldn't, "and I must... for your life is indeed in danger."
The stiffled, though decisively sardonic, laugh that was kept in by her full lips was
evident in the rise and fall of her chest and the slight escape through her nose. She looked away,
not willing to give him the satisfaction of seeing the pain welled in her eyes. Do I really want
him to be honest with me? And for another thing... when was my life not in danger? One of
Harry Potter's best friend, most intelligent student to pass through Howart's halls since Severus'
own time, and a mudblood, no less... as they say, three strikes... She let the internal comment
hang in her brain for a minute, daring him to speak.
He didn't. At least not at first. He continued to take in his wife's form. When did she
become so cynical?
Probably the day that she had to marry the greasy git... who happened to be her least
favorite professor when she was at school, a voice in his head answered. He had the decency to
lower his head for his next words, "The Dark Lord wants your participation... to prove your
loyalty..." Her head shot around, the words barely uttered she felt an explosion within her.
Obviously the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back.
"When has my loyalty been in question? Or asked for, for that matter? I'm the filthy
mudblood, remember? "Forced" to marry you to keep my supposed power in check... so as not to
foil the Dark Lord's plans..."
He caught her eye, surprise etched in his features. She had never let her anger get the best
of her. "Hermione...," he interrupted, no hint of maliciousness in his voice. She swallowed
deeply. What had started out as not wanting to show weakness had turned, regretfully, into an
attack, at her one ally in all this mess.
She lowered her head, trying to focus on anything but his voice. The tenderness,
concern... it touched her deeply, which scared her. She couldn't let him know how much she
truly cared.
"I don't think you'll be able to stay here much longer..." He ran a hand through his
shoulder-length black hair, as if trying to wipe out the memory of the night's events.
"Why?" The question was simple, yet with it came a flood of questions in his own mind.
Why would she care? She'd be rid of me. Then the rational part of his brain countered, The
Order... this is part of her job, of course she doesn't want to lose it.
"What he's asking... I cannot... I will not agree to... which is why I came quickly to give
you time to get to a safe location."
She looked up at him questioningly. What could be so horrible? She'd been an observer
at several revels and been told misinformation to see if she was a spy... why now did they want
something from her? She repeated her question aloud, "What could be so horrible that I have
not been privy to yet?"
Snape shrouded his eyes, not wanting her to see the anger the mere idea had produced.
She waited patiently.
When he spoke, his words were merely a whisper, "He has decided it is his right to
produce an heir with each Death Eater's wife... form a magical bond to the offspring..."
She took the information in, not at all surprised. It was the obvious next step in
Voldemort's plan. Voldemort had successfully gained allegiance from every pureblood family in
Europe. It was obvious, even to her who only heard of his plans through tirades produced from
her husband after the inner circle meetings he attended.
"Okay."
He looked up at her comment. Not sure how to take what she had said, anger being the
foremost emotion, he took it and went with it. "What are you on about, you silly girl??"
"I said... husband," she stressed the words, making them seem altogether like a savage
burn, "Okay. It was altogether obvious to anyone paying attention. If it is what's required to
continue.. I shall."
He didn't like her tone, nor her acceptance of the Dark Lord's plans. "I already told you,
no. This is not going to happen."
"Surely it's not your chivalry that makes this plan disgusting to you... are you angry that
he will have had me first?"
Her words stung, making him actual wince. She had not expected that reaction, though
she reveled in it.
"Stupid woman!" He roared, picking a corner of the coffee table up and tossing it out of
the way. He moved in front of her, grabbing her by her arms. He saw a flicker of alarm in her
eyes, though she kept all physical forms in check. "Do you not understand anything??"
She looked to where each of his hands held her upper arms. He released her, but kept his
distance, repositioning his hands to cover the arms of the velvet chair .
"I thought it quite obvious that I understand exactly his expectations and motives.
Probably more so that you hoped. Though, it's your motives that elude me, dear husband."
He kneeled in front of her, placing his hands on either side of her hips, creating a curious
look from her.
"Hermione...," the second time he'd called her by her first name in all of a year, let alone
the last few minutes, emotion was indeed etched in his voice, which startled her, "do you not
understand?"
She let her features relax, letting the concern wash over her, though she knew it was
unwise, "Understand what, Severus?"
He had been staring at the specks of glitter adorned to her crimson robes, but decided it
was best to meet her eyes with his next remark. "I don't want him to touch you... and not just
because he's him, or because of his intentions... or even our marriage... but... because he'd be
touching you.... and I care." He licked his suddenly dry lips, trying to decide what next to reveal
to her, all of which would kill him if she denied him. He again began to concentrate on the
glittery fabric when a slight noise filled the air. Catching her eye, he knew she was crying. Her
mask fully dissolved. "Ohh," He reached up with one hand, catching a tear as it left a silent trail
in it's wake, "do not cry, sweet Hermione."
Her voice came out slightly choked, "Soft words, from a hard man. One knows not what
to believe..." His eyes locked with hers. Pain etched in his, uncertainty in hers. "Every time.... I
try to block you out... you surprise me..." she lifted a hand, absently wiping a tear trailing the
opposite cheek, her glance searching the room as if the answers were to be painted on the walls,
but eventually found her gaze again to be locked with his, "You invade my soul. Capture it.
Make me fall in love with you all over again... just to confuse me more... push me away." Her
admission shocked him, but he knew it mirrored his own admiration for the girl in front of him.
He caught her hands in both his, resting them in her lap as he absently rubbed the backs of each.
"I have wronged you... I know. Understand that I am truly sorry..." he directed his gaze to
her eyes, "It was to protect you, as much as myself. My heart betrayed me and fell in love with
you... my brain protesting the whole way... rationalizing that you could never truly love a horrible
man, such as me." He looked away again, not willing to see her agree with him, "I have done
things, terrible things... I do not deserve anyone as beautiful, honorable, or as caring..."
She cut off his words, placing a chaste kiss on his lips. The first physical contact they'd
had since their marriage ceremony. He was started, directing his gaze to her eyes, where he saw a
tear emerge out of the outer corner. He brought his hands up to cup her face, not allowing his
brain to argue what the kiss signified at any extent.
--------------
Okay.. That's it. sigh That was fun to write... hope you all enjoyed it as well. Inspired partly
from the lyrics to Sugarcult's "Pretty Girl (The Way" (though I've honestly never heard the
song... I have awesome friends who listen to angsty music and feel me lyrics. Anyone
wanting me to continue it... please comment so. I wrote it in a short period of time... no hardcore
inclination to continue... but I'd like to hear your thoughts. (Questions.. Comments... concerns...
e-mail listed below) Ansi is hating my shift-8's (the star) so... ack... I'll try to fix that. Also not
liking the squiggly as a border between the story and my AN here... I'll try to fix that as well...
Sorry it's not beta'd... but... there are a lot of Snape/Hermione haters out there. None of my
friends will beta them. Their reaction is simply, "ss/hg? Icky..." So yea... I am writing a few other
pieces at the moment, anyone willing to beta totally send me an e-mail...
shadowyvixenyahoo.com. Any e-mails, I'd appreciate if you could write story title/chapter
title when refering back, etc... not so much a big deal right now (first fic here...) but I have big
plans for the future. I would appreciate your help, and would feel better in the knowledge that I
am not alone (though I know I'm not... member of WiKTT on yahoo- ss/hg group) I also have
yahoo messenger. So... drop me a line.
Again.. Thank you... review please. No flames if it's related to the pairing... I pretty much have
the "deal with it" viewpoint. No offense... but it is under the specific heading ss/hg... no
deception planned to ensnare unsuspecting Harry Potter fans to the darker side...
paperclip... definitely. not. worth it.
Tears slid down her cheeks unchecked. Why? she thought, though she knew her
subconscious held no answers. The fireplace alight in her private library, the light from the
flames dancing merrily across her face.
Her curly brunette hair splayed across her face as she lowered her head, her hands rushing
to her face to wipe away the trails her emotions had caused yet again. She stopped, not wiping
away the trails as another fit of pain flits through her. He was gone again. Her beloved. He had
been called by his master... to die? To live to face another challenge? It was not her charge to
know. She had been kept in the dark for months and the few years. Recruited by the Order right
out of university to be a rogue death eater's wife... to try to infiltrate their circle as he had been
able. To gather as much information as deigned pertinent. Though it wasn't just the Order who
demanded this of her... but the Dark Lord of his own Death Eater.
Her first thoughts were selfish. They eventually lost ground to the greater good... greater
good. That phrase felt heavy... overused. It had been her excuse for everything. "I'll marry him
for the greater good." "I'll go to revels and dark, secret meetings for the greater good." "I'll
survive the torment for the greater good." "I'll endure his misdirected emotional abuse for the
greater good." "I'll love him for the greater good." No... her love had come unexpected, even to
her, and wasn't strictly for the greater good. The respect for his sacrifice... his continued sacrifice
for the Order: emotional, physical, and mental. The slights of kindness that he made in her
direction. Even through his disdain, she loved him... though careful not to show it. The mask
was securely in place every moment in his presence. Her private library was her sanctuary. Her
place to let the mask slip. To cry for her beloved.
The creak from the poorly oiled door was loud in her ear. Turning her back on him as he
entered her sanctuary, she composed herself. The mask securely in place, she felt fit to greet him,
though her face was still streaked with tears.
"Hello, Severus," The harsh sound of her throat made the fact that she had been crying
evident. She cleared her throat, unwilling to show weakness in his presence, "To what do I owe
this honor?"
He winced. Wishing she would not make this any harder than it already would be for him.
"Dear...," term of endearment was almost enough to shock her into turning around, though she
knew better, quickly dabbing her eyes with her cloth, "I've returned."
She was glad. It was a constant fear that he would not, though she doubted he knew her
feelings toward that particular emotion.
He walked forward, gripping her shoulders lightly, "I need to speak with you." What was
that in his voice? Concern?
"Of course, husband." She took in a breath, trying to calm her rattled nerves. "Come, sit."
She motioned to the chair across the coffee table from her. He did so. If he was shocked by her
tears, he didn't appear so to the casual observer, though Hermione could tell as if someone had
written it with a black-felt tipped pen. Her eyes were still slightly puffy and red-lined. Her cheeks
tinted pink where most of her face was pale.
"I have not been completely honest with you," he began, trying to read her features...
though he couldn't, "and I must... for your life is indeed in danger."
The stiffled, though decisively sardonic, laugh that was kept in by her full lips was
evident in the rise and fall of her chest and the slight escape through her nose. She looked away,
not willing to give him the satisfaction of seeing the pain welled in her eyes. Do I really want
him to be honest with me? And for another thing... when was my life not in danger? One of
Harry Potter's best friend, most intelligent student to pass through Howart's halls since Severus'
own time, and a mudblood, no less... as they say, three strikes... She let the internal comment
hang in her brain for a minute, daring him to speak.
He didn't. At least not at first. He continued to take in his wife's form. When did she
become so cynical?
Probably the day that she had to marry the greasy git... who happened to be her least
favorite professor when she was at school, a voice in his head answered. He had the decency to
lower his head for his next words, "The Dark Lord wants your participation... to prove your
loyalty..." Her head shot around, the words barely uttered she felt an explosion within her.
Obviously the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back.
"When has my loyalty been in question? Or asked for, for that matter? I'm the filthy
mudblood, remember? "Forced" to marry you to keep my supposed power in check... so as not to
foil the Dark Lord's plans..."
He caught her eye, surprise etched in his features. She had never let her anger get the best
of her. "Hermione...," he interrupted, no hint of maliciousness in his voice. She swallowed
deeply. What had started out as not wanting to show weakness had turned, regretfully, into an
attack, at her one ally in all this mess.
She lowered her head, trying to focus on anything but his voice. The tenderness,
concern... it touched her deeply, which scared her. She couldn't let him know how much she
truly cared.
"I don't think you'll be able to stay here much longer..." He ran a hand through his
shoulder-length black hair, as if trying to wipe out the memory of the night's events.
"Why?" The question was simple, yet with it came a flood of questions in his own mind.
Why would she care? She'd be rid of me. Then the rational part of his brain countered, The
Order... this is part of her job, of course she doesn't want to lose it.
"What he's asking... I cannot... I will not agree to... which is why I came quickly to give
you time to get to a safe location."
She looked up at him questioningly. What could be so horrible? She'd been an observer
at several revels and been told misinformation to see if she was a spy... why now did they want
something from her? She repeated her question aloud, "What could be so horrible that I have
not been privy to yet?"
Snape shrouded his eyes, not wanting her to see the anger the mere idea had produced.
She waited patiently.
When he spoke, his words were merely a whisper, "He has decided it is his right to
produce an heir with each Death Eater's wife... form a magical bond to the offspring..."
She took the information in, not at all surprised. It was the obvious next step in
Voldemort's plan. Voldemort had successfully gained allegiance from every pureblood family in
Europe. It was obvious, even to her who only heard of his plans through tirades produced from
her husband after the inner circle meetings he attended.
"Okay."
He looked up at her comment. Not sure how to take what she had said, anger being the
foremost emotion, he took it and went with it. "What are you on about, you silly girl??"
"I said... husband," she stressed the words, making them seem altogether like a savage
burn, "Okay. It was altogether obvious to anyone paying attention. If it is what's required to
continue.. I shall."
He didn't like her tone, nor her acceptance of the Dark Lord's plans. "I already told you,
no. This is not going to happen."
"Surely it's not your chivalry that makes this plan disgusting to you... are you angry that
he will have had me first?"
Her words stung, making him actual wince. She had not expected that reaction, though
she reveled in it.
"Stupid woman!" He roared, picking a corner of the coffee table up and tossing it out of
the way. He moved in front of her, grabbing her by her arms. He saw a flicker of alarm in her
eyes, though she kept all physical forms in check. "Do you not understand anything??"
She looked to where each of his hands held her upper arms. He released her, but kept his
distance, repositioning his hands to cover the arms of the velvet chair .
"I thought it quite obvious that I understand exactly his expectations and motives.
Probably more so that you hoped. Though, it's your motives that elude me, dear husband."
He kneeled in front of her, placing his hands on either side of her hips, creating a curious
look from her.
"Hermione...," the second time he'd called her by her first name in all of a year, let alone
the last few minutes, emotion was indeed etched in his voice, which startled her, "do you not
understand?"
She let her features relax, letting the concern wash over her, though she knew it was
unwise, "Understand what, Severus?"
He had been staring at the specks of glitter adorned to her crimson robes, but decided it
was best to meet her eyes with his next remark. "I don't want him to touch you... and not just
because he's him, or because of his intentions... or even our marriage... but... because he'd be
touching you.... and I care." He licked his suddenly dry lips, trying to decide what next to reveal
to her, all of which would kill him if she denied him. He again began to concentrate on the
glittery fabric when a slight noise filled the air. Catching her eye, he knew she was crying. Her
mask fully dissolved. "Ohh," He reached up with one hand, catching a tear as it left a silent trail
in it's wake, "do not cry, sweet Hermione."
Her voice came out slightly choked, "Soft words, from a hard man. One knows not what
to believe..." His eyes locked with hers. Pain etched in his, uncertainty in hers. "Every time.... I
try to block you out... you surprise me..." she lifted a hand, absently wiping a tear trailing the
opposite cheek, her glance searching the room as if the answers were to be painted on the walls,
but eventually found her gaze again to be locked with his, "You invade my soul. Capture it.
Make me fall in love with you all over again... just to confuse me more... push me away." Her
admission shocked him, but he knew it mirrored his own admiration for the girl in front of him.
He caught her hands in both his, resting them in her lap as he absently rubbed the backs of each.
"I have wronged you... I know. Understand that I am truly sorry..." he directed his gaze to
her eyes, "It was to protect you, as much as myself. My heart betrayed me and fell in love with
you... my brain protesting the whole way... rationalizing that you could never truly love a horrible
man, such as me." He looked away again, not willing to see her agree with him, "I have done
things, terrible things... I do not deserve anyone as beautiful, honorable, or as caring..."
She cut off his words, placing a chaste kiss on his lips. The first physical contact they'd
had since their marriage ceremony. He was started, directing his gaze to her eyes, where he saw a
tear emerge out of the outer corner. He brought his hands up to cup her face, not allowing his
brain to argue what the kiss signified at any extent.
--------------
Okay.. That's it. sigh That was fun to write... hope you all enjoyed it as well. Inspired partly
from the lyrics to Sugarcult's "Pretty Girl (The Way" (though I've honestly never heard the
song... I have awesome friends who listen to angsty music and feel me lyrics. Anyone
wanting me to continue it... please comment so. I wrote it in a short period of time... no hardcore
inclination to continue... but I'd like to hear your thoughts. (Questions.. Comments... concerns...
e-mail listed below) Ansi is hating my shift-8's (the star) so... ack... I'll try to fix that. Also not
liking the squiggly as a border between the story and my AN here... I'll try to fix that as well...
Sorry it's not beta'd... but... there are a lot of Snape/Hermione haters out there. None of my
friends will beta them. Their reaction is simply, "ss/hg? Icky..." So yea... I am writing a few other
pieces at the moment, anyone willing to beta totally send me an e-mail...
shadowyvixenyahoo.com. Any e-mails, I'd appreciate if you could write story title/chapter
title when refering back, etc... not so much a big deal right now (first fic here...) but I have big
plans for the future. I would appreciate your help, and would feel better in the knowledge that I
am not alone (though I know I'm not... member of WiKTT on yahoo- ss/hg group) I also have
yahoo messenger. So... drop me a line.
Again.. Thank you... review please. No flames if it's related to the pairing... I pretty much have
the "deal with it" viewpoint. No offense... but it is under the specific heading ss/hg... no
deception planned to ensnare unsuspecting Harry Potter fans to the darker side...