[I own nothing in the Harry Potter franchise, all such content belongs to J.K. Rowling.]

Number 4, Privet Drive, July 30th, 1994.

A knock on Harry's bedroom door is followed by a rather nervous Uncle Vernon stepping through. "Boy! There's this suspicious-looking character standing at our front door. Go and find out if he's one of your abnormal people before we call the police for harassment."

Harry folds Hermione's latest hand-written letter and stashes it away before making his way downstairs. "Now who'd want to visit—" He opens the door and smiles. "Seriously? You're showing up like this?"

Dudley takes one look towards the door and laughs. "Who's that? I didn't know Potter has a boyfriend, hahaha!"

Nymphadora Tonks, disguised as some athletic boy named Todd, merely waves and enters the Dursleys' home. "Wotcher, Muggles; mind if I come in and pick up the birthday boy on behalf of his godfather?"

"You coming to fetch him or literally pick him up?" asks Dudley, still laughing and shoving potato crisps into his mouth.

"Hilarious," says Harry.

Tonks' use of the term 'Muggles' only confirms the suspicions of this being someone from the Wizarding World. But Aunt Petunia remains suspicious. "And how exactly can we trust that you're not from that Lord Something person? I don't want Dumbledore kicking down our door and admonishing us for letting this boy slip into the wrong hands."

"Well..." Tonks raises her hands to show that she's not holding her wand. "Did you see me do any magic, huh? So, why is your nephew then this willing to come with me? Oh, by the way, the name's Todd."

Harry looks from Tonks to Aunt Petunia. "By the way; that's actually a girl in there."

All three Dursleys simply gawk at Tonks, then they glance at each other in confusion before Dudley speaks. "What the heck's wrong with their world? Girls are boys are girls?"

"Ha!" Tonks takes the opportunity to Metamorphose just her face into her usual self... and all three Dursleys jump back in fright.

"BLOODY HELL!" gasps Uncle Vernon.

"DAD? MUM? WHAT—"

"Enough! Vernon, I say we just let this boy go to his abnormal bunch already," says Aunt Petunia.

"Uh, fine," says Uncle Vernon, still clutching at his chest as he looks at Harry. "B-By all means, go and spend the rest of your holidays elsewhere, boy!"

Both Harry and Tonks race up the stairs and begin packing up the former's belongings strewn about his bedroom. And since Tonks is authorised to do basic magic in the vicinity of Harry and his Muggles today, it takes barely a few minutes to clean up this mess.

"I never really got to see that thing up close," says Tonks, with regards to Harry's Firebolt. "Wicked colour scheme there, you arrogant little Slytherin."

"Are you jealous? Wanna ride my broomstick? It's fast, wild, and quite rough to handle."

Tonks completely reverts to her female self which causes her male clothing to hit the bedroom floor. And the gaping expression on Harry's face simply has Tonks laughing as she takes aim at her clothes. "You gonna stare all night or what?"

"Wait, wait, wait... So, if you can change whatever you like, then does that mean you can—whoa!" Harry gawks as Tonks deliberately makes a few 'private' changes right here. "And you call me a pervert!? Oh, uh, I guess now the carpet actually matches the drapes."

"Well, truth be told..." Tonks makes another little change down below. "I prefer that there be no carpet at all; that's just my style, Horny-Boy-Who-Lived." She sniggers while Transfiguring her male clothes to fit her female form. "Judging by your constant staring, I guess you like 'em clean as well, huh?"

"You're even crazier than Sirius, hahaha!"

The smell of gravy and deep fried chicken gradually permeates the entire house as Tonks cleans Hedwig's cage with a spell. "Blimey, your Muggles are really enjoying their late dinner now that you're going away, huh? Bunch of prats."

Harry ignores the sounds of the microwave being used, and he cares little for the smell of popcorn coming from downstairs as well. "Just leave them; they're a bunch of big, immature children, really. And I guess they'll stuff themselves full to cope with the shock of your little trick earlier."

Once Tonks has dressed herself in her usual fashion, Harry leads the way downstairs and eventually into the hallway.

"Just so you folks know," says Tonks, waving at the gobsmacked Dursleys in the kitchen. "Not all of us can chop and change ourselves at will; it's...well... genetic, so to speak."

"Yeah," adds Harry, leaning through the doorway to speak with his gaping family. "We're not all as mental as this girl over here."

"Cheers, normal folks!"

They step out the front door and stand beside Uncle Vernon's pristine lawn. And it's here where Tonks attaches Harry's luggage to a harness on her Comet Two Sixty broom. Judging by the overcast skies above, it would also seem that Tonks has picked the perfect night to retrieve Harry from his Muggle home.

"Uh, where exactly are you taking me, girl?"

"I'm sure you know all about the Fidelius Charm, Harry, so you'd know that I can't say. However..." Tonks gestures towards her pocket and smiles. "I'll let you read the information once we get to Claremont Square in London. Now, are you ready? I'd suggest taking off while there are no eyes on us at the moment."

They kick off from the ground and head for the skies; their distance keeping them away from any Muggle eyes. But in order to do so, both Harry and Tonks are forced to brave the freezing clouds for well over a few minutes up here.

"Ugh, let's get out of here as soon as possible 'cos I'm getting soaked!" says Tonks. "Bet you like the thought of that, eh?"

Harry feels his hands growing number by the minute on his Firebolt. "Damn this weather! It's nearly as bad up here as my Gryffindor match last year. Hopefully, there won't be any Dementors headed my way..."

"Yeah, Sirius told me all about that unfortunate incident." They eventually turn southwest to avoid the motorway as Tonks leads them to the largest collection of lights Harry's yet seen from up here. "Say hello to the city of London once more, feeling excited yet, Harry?"

"If Sirius is in London, then that'll really shorten our King's Cross trips!" Harry follows her through on the descent until the sprawling mass of lanterns and lights draw closer by the second. Then they finally land on a patch of unkempt grass in the centre of a small square; their teeth chattering from tonight's icy cold flight. "I'm f-fricken frrrreezing..."

"Oh shame, man..." Tonks slips off her trench coat and offers it to Harry. "Don't worry about sweeping up all the dirt 'cos it's too big; let's just get you warm and cosy inside." She leads Harry to stand on a pavement facing a few large, terraced houses across the road. "Check what Professor Dumbledore's borrowed me."

Tonks pulls out what appears to be a silver lighter, holds it up, and then clicks it. To Harry's amazement, he spots the nearest streetlamp going out. "Wow, that's quite cool."

"Yep, you wanna give this a go? Should prevent any Muggles from seeing us out here."

Harry grabs the silver cigarette lighter thing, holds it up, and then proceeds to extinguish each surrounding lamp until the street is covered in darkness. By now, it's just the moon and some windows which provide a bit of light as Tonks leads Harry onto the opposite pavement.

"Now, smart-arse, I said I can't tell you a thing because Dumbledore himself is the Secret-Keeper for Sirius' place. But I can show you..."

"Thank you, Dora." Harry reads the piece of parchment handed to him which states: The home of Sirius Black may be found at number twelve, Grimmauld Place, London. A battered door suddenly appears, out of nowhere, between numbers eleven and thirteen—and this is followed by an extra house squeezing itself between the two. Not a single thing is noticed or felt by the Muggles living nearby as their lives carry on uninterrupted.

"Stop gaping like a fish out of water, Harry." Tonks nudges him forward but quickly gasps. "No! Don't ring the—"

Too late. Harry makes use of the serpent-like, silver knocker on the front door. "I remember Sirius saying his whole family was in Slytherin."

"Yeah, and now you're about to meet his mum thanks to using that thing." Tonks taps her wand on the door which elicits many mechanical noises on its other end. "Quickly, before we're spotted!" They step inside and shut the door behind them. But before Harry can get a good look at the darkened hall before them, he yelps and covers his ears.

"FILTHY HALF-BREED FREAK, HOW DARE YOU ENTER THE HOUSE OF MY FATHERS! BEGONE, YOU FILTH! BEGO—"

"SHUT UP, YOU ACCURSED HAG! NOBODY TALKS TO HIM LIKE THAT!" Sirius works alongside Tonks to help pull the moth-eaten curtains shut over a deranged old woman's screaming portrait.

"I wish this old witch never had a Permanent Sticking Charm behind her! Just shut it already!" shouts Tonks.

Finally, once things have settled down, Harry takes the opportunity to observe his surroundings: dimly-lit gas lamps hang to the sides of the hallway, the old portraits remain glaring at him, and the cobwebbed chandelier hangs precariously overhead. Then he's swiftly ushered into the dining room where Sirius and Tonks sit him at the long, elegant table.

"Sorry about that, Harry. I guess I should've warned you about alerting what's left of my deranged mother in this world. From now on, keep it soft and preferably to a whisper out there in the hallway," says Sirius.

For probably the first time today, Harry finds himself unable to speak. The sheer unexpected blitz of insults against him, right near his birthday (and in such a discriminative manner), has him gobsmacked.

"There's nothing we can do to remove that miserable portrait," says Tonks, standing Harry up and removing the oversized trench coat. "Hey now, don't take it personally. You should hear the things she shouts towards me, considering that I'm still family."

"Look at this place." Sirius snorts while gesturing towards the old Black family china stored in dusty cabinets nearby. "So goddamn pretentious! Ugh, this is why I never wanted to come back here. I asked Dumbledore—"

"He wants us here, and this is where we'll stay," insists Tonks. "Besides, remember that whoever's still working for You-Know-Who might be interested in you these days. Why say 'no' to a free Fidelius Charm courtesy of the Headmaster himself?"

"Yeah, but we could've picked any other house out there."

"It's no secret that you ran away and severed ties with your family," says Harry. "I guess Dumbledore reckons this is really one of the least expected places to find you."

"Alright, fine; no need to go two-on-one with the lecture." Sirius decides that it's probably in their best interest to remain here. "But, on the bright side, there's nothing stopping us from making the occasional trip or two for fun."

"Risky business, Sirius," says Tonks. "Oh, who am I kidding? Most of the Death Eaters who aren't locked up in Azkaban are too damn scared to really do anything. And your friendly neighbourhood Auror is here to protect any young and perverted godsons around."

"Half-Breed. Now that just makes me sound like an animal..."

Tonks pats Harry on the head. "Ignore the old bitch, man. My mum said 'screw it' to this family then went and married my Muggleborn dad. So that makes two Half-Bloods in this room."

"Enough with the doom and gloom," says Sirius. "Guess what, Harry? Since this shitty place is Unplotabble and under a Fidelius Charm, the Ministry won't know if you start using magic over the holidays."

"Come on, Sirius, it's now"—Tonks checks her watch—"around nine o'clock. Let's do some Transfiguration and go get ourselves some food before I starve to death in here."

"Transfigure? For what? Have you forgotten about me being a free man? All this wretched dirt getting to your head?" asks Sirius.

"It's an Auror's duty to remain alert and cautious. Right, Harry?"

But Harry doesn't seem pleased about anything at all. "That old hag needs to be blown to bits already. Hmph, insulting my blood status on the eve of my birthday? How dare she!"

"Oh my God..." Tonks throws up her hands. "Stress relief, child; you look like you need it. Now, let's pick out a room to throw some spells around before heading for dinner."

"I suppose, yeah, alright. Let's do some magic," says Harry, drawing his holly wand.

"That's the spirit! So, Sirius, which room will it be before our fast food trip?" asks Tonks.

"I believe Harry's Boggart is a Dementor? It just so happens that we've got a Boggart living in the drawing room upstairs. Well, I'm not sure what else could be causing that noise from a desk." Sirius leads the group upstairs to the long, high-ceilinged, drawing room where he points out the desk in question. "Careful now, this room is a living disaster. We've got Doxys on the curtains, filth everywhere, and I don't wanna know what else in here."

"Doxys?! Aren't those things poisonous? What the hell?" asks Harry.

"There's no way I'm resorting to being a slave here. Find some other lady to help you men clean this trashpile," says Tonks, surveying the drawing room with a disgusted expression.

"Help us out, Dora; I'll do anything you want!" pleads Harry.

Sirius smiles. "Did he just call you Dora? How cute."

"Sorry, but you men are on your own now."

"Fine then, Nymphadora!" Harry takes a few steps into the room to approach the locked desk; however, he immediately bolts as a few Doxys come flying out from the curtains. "Wait, why am I running from a bunch of little pests? Let's kill 'em!"

"Best thing to do would be to give this crappy old hellhole a thorough cleaning," says Sirius. "But we're gonna need a lot more hands to handle a task of this size. And it doesn't help that our esteemed Auror can't stay too long tomorrow."

Harry groans. "You guys head for the door, quietly, and I'll try and knock out a few Doxys. No way am I leaving that room like a coward who didn't do any damage."

"Alright, but don't linger for more than a minute," says Sirius, as he and Tonks silently creep down the staircase. Harry, however, quickly decides to give the drawing room one last go.

He steps into the room and casts a Freezing Charm followed by a Knockback Jinx. But his efforts only succeed in subduing a few of the pursuing Doxys nearby. He then ducks upon hearing a buzz to his right and quickly fires a Stunning Spell which misses its mark. Instead, it shatters the glass of a nearby cabinet which sends a collection of debris scattered across the room.

Among these are a Black family ring, some horrible-looking silver spiders, a vicious snuffbox, and a large, oval-shaped golden locket. Its green-jewelled, serpentine 'S' immediately catches Harry's eye. With Doxys converging on his position, Harry grabs the surprisingly heavy locket and sprints out the room while shutting the door.

"What's that you got there?" asks a curious Tonks, standing beside Harry on the first-floor landing.

"Some fancy locket; I dunno—" Harry jumps back in shock upon seeing a most dreadful-looking House Elf approaching him. "Who the...?"

"Go away and clean somewhere else, Kreacher!" says Tonks, whom the elf ignores upon speaking with Harry.

"The Half-Blood intruder dares to wear that locket? Kreacher demands it back right now! Wait, Kreacher thinks this is the boy who has stopped the Dark Lord. Kreacher wonders how he's done it, the filthy Half-Blood..."

"You're the one that's filthy," says Sirius, hurrying up the stairs as quietly as possible. "Now go downstairs and get out of my sight."

"Not until Master's godson returns that which had been entrusted to Kreacher."

To avoid waking up the screaming portrait, Harry pleads and just about earns himself a few hours with the locket. The fact that Harry's in Slytherin proves to be the sole reason for Kreacher allowing such leeway, although he demands that the locket be handed over upon Harry's return later on.

"If you're gonna be carrying fancy jewellery around, then hide it from the Muggles," whispers Tonks.

"You like my jewels, Dora?" Harry allows himself to be Transfigured before slipping on the locket and hiding it beneath his hoodie. "Let's go get some fucking food already."

"The hell?" Tonks glances quizzically at him. "Why are you so angry all of a sudden?"

Sirius scoffs while leading the way downstairs. "Who wouldn't be upset after being insulted by filth like Kreacher?"

They tiptoe to the door where Tonks silently Transfigures Sirius as the group heads out for some much-needed food tonight. And if any stupid Muggle gets in their way, Harry feels the urge to put them in their place; the filthy scoundrels.