''Your quiet this morning, something on your mind'' Serena asked Bernie as they headed across the car park and into the hospital. Bernie had barely said a word the whole journey as she sat in the passenger seat of Serena's car.
''Just tired'' Bernie shrugged, giving Serena a small smile.
''Nothing a nice, strong coffee won't sort out then'' Serena chirped.
They walked through the sliding doors and into the entrance of the hospital. The strong, rich sent of fresh coffee from pulses hit them both. It made Bernie's stomach churn.
''Do you know, I've just remembered, I need to errrmm'' Bernie couldn't think of anything quick enough, beginning to panic she backed away from Serena and she followed up with ''I'll see you up there'' as she raced into the open lift.
She was relieved to find the lift was empty as it gave her time to compose herself slightly. She stood against the wall of the lift, resting her head back as she took slow deep breaths until the lift came to a sudden stop.
''Morning'' she greeted Raf as the sliding lift doors opened to AAU, walking briskly to avoid any full conversation.
The first 20 minutes of Bernie's shift was spent vomiting into the staff toilets. Feeling weak and exhausted, she walked out of the cubicle and began splashing water on her face trying to regain some colour back in her cheeks.
''Big night'' came a voice from behind her. It was Zoisa.
''Something like that'' she replied giving her the same small smile as she had given Serena earlier.
''Don't worry, your secrets safe with me.'' Zoisa said before leaving.
Bernie glanced at herself in the mirror: tired, heavy eyes looking back at her. God I look rough she thought to herself as she tied her hair back. She took a deep breath and composed herself for the day ahead.
Bernie continued with her shift the best she could, she felt ill. But she daren't show or tell anyone. She remained in the pretence that she was not on anything other than top form. To Ms Bernie Wolfe her work had always came first and to give anything less than 100 percent was, in her eyes, a sign of weakness. A weakness she was certainly not going to let Ms Serena Campbell or anyone else witness.
Serena had been so busy, hibernating in her office, buried underneath stacks of paperwork, trying to reduce her to-do list in some small feeble way that she had barely seen Bernie that day. It was not until there was a knock on her office door that she had even had time to think about the events of that morning.
''Come in'' Serena shouted, and Morven stepped inside. ''This better be good Dr Digby I said NO INTERUPPTIONS'' Serena spoke firmly.
''Its Bernie'' Morven said hesitantly.
''Go on'' Serena seemed to approve the topic of interruption.
''She hasn't been herself today, a little, . . . distant. A member of staff has said she was vomiting in the toilets earlier. She's prepping theatre now''
''And you don't think she's up to it'' Serena asked Morven questioningly, raising one eyebrow.
''Under normal circumstances, absolutely . . . but today . . . No.'' Morven was nervous as she said it, questioning a clinical lead was a gamble in the first instance but to do it to the womans lover was another thing altogether!
''Alright, leave it with me'' Serena replied calmly.
Morven smiled with relief and left.
Serena searched the ward for Bernie and finally found her sitting on the stairwell on her own.
''Thought you were going into theatre?'' Serena crept up behind Bernie and startled her.
''I was, I am, I'm just . . . Needed a break . . . Long day.'' Bernie tried to act as normal as possible.
''You sure your alright'' Serena's voice was sympathetic and comforting. ''Yes, yes.'' Bernie lied. She wasn't. But never had she ever let her guard down before and she certainly was not going to start now.
''Look, errmm I think it's best if I take over in theatre . . . Just for today'' Serena tried to keep the atmosphere light, she knew that Bernie would be furious if she thought someone had been concerned about her capabilities as a surgeon. Serena stood up and walked up the steps so she could avoid the argument she predicted was going to come.
''What! No! Serena, you can't do that! SERENA!'' Bernie jumped up and followed Serena up the steps.
Suddenly Bernie stopped, her eyes rolling up at the lights above her, She quickly reached out to hold onto the banister but before she could get a grip her knees gave way and her body crumbled uncontrollably. She tumbled down the steps, arms and legs hitting hard off each step before landing at the bottom of the stairwell in a heap. Blood treakled from her head and Serena watched helplessly in horror.
''BERNIE'' Serena shouted, running down the steps and kneeling down beside her, assessing Bernie's injures. ''CAN I HAVE SOME HELP IN HERE PLEASE'' She shouted, her voice desperate to remain professional yet holding tones of panic.
''What happened'' asked Raff as Bernie was being wheeled on a trolly into AAU by porters.
''I don't know, one minute she was following me up the stairs. . .the next'' Serena shrugged and gave Raff a concerned look. There were no tears on Serena's face but Raff could tell she had been affected by the incident.
Raff instructed fletch to carry out all the necessary tests and treatment and Serena reluctantly took over Bernie's patient in theatre, insisting that she is given regular updates on the blonde's welfare.
What was she hiding? Serena thought to herself as she was beginning to open up a patient, okay, focus, the sooner this is done, the sooner I can go and see her.
Serena was only in theatre an hour but it had felt like a lifetime. Serena rushed out and headed straight to see Bernie, trying her hardest to push away thoughts of worst case scenarios racing through her head. ''How she doing?'' she asked Raff.
''I think you'd better take a look at this'' he said in his calm Scottish accent. He handed Serena the tablet and she took it from him and studied the screen. ''What! That can't be right.'' Raff fidgeted on the spot nervously. ''That's what I thought, I've retook the tests, Serena they're conclusive.''
Serena stood for a minute or two clearly in shock before heading to see Bernie who had been placed in the side room.
Serena sat at Bernie's side, studying her face, there hands side by side but not touching, Bernie's eyes began to flicker and Serena jumped up. Serena felt a little embarrassed to be caught watching her lover. She picked up Bernie's notes, just simply as a distraction. She knew what was in them, She had read and reread them the second she came out of theatre but she needed a moment to gather herself before what was about to come. Serena cleared her throat nervously.
''Hello You'' Serena said, her voice was calm but crisp. Serena avoided all eye contact as she spoke, Bernie oblivious to the tension.
''What happened'' Bernie asked sleepily. Her voice was small and husky.
''You collapsed on the stairs.'' Serena informed her.
''I don't remember'' Bernie said confused.
''Yes, well'' there was a small pause before Serena continued. ''we did some tests while you were unconscious'' Serena began fidgeting with Bernie's notes. She was looking at anything to avoid making eye contact with Bernie.
''It appears, that. you, .are. pregnant'' Serena struggled to say the words she couldn't bring herself to look at Bernie still. They were only in the early stages of their relationship and although she knew Bernie had just recently ended her marriage to Marcus, she still couldn't help but feel a little bitter about the situation.
''Pregnant'' Bernie repeated, double checking she had heard correctly.
''Yes'' Serena, cleared her throat again and began moving her weight from one foot to another feeling awkward.
Bernie gave a nervous giggle, ''but I can't be, it must be wrong, the tests, there's been a mistake''
''The tests are conclusive'' Serena interjected her mid sentence; her voice was cold and firm.
''But. . . I'm 51, I can't even get pregnant anymore, I HAVN'T EVEN. . . Bernie wanted to say she hadn't even slept with anyone recently other then Serena when Serena interrupted again.
''Your 26 weeks'' She said, this time her voice was a little softer, she could see from Bernie expression that she was genuinely did not know. It killed Serena inside to see Bernie in such shock but Serena was hurt too and couldn't bring herself to comfort Bernie just yet. Although she wasn't with Bernie 26 weeks ago, it made her seethe with jealously to think of her with anybody else.
Bernie sat quietly staring into space, tears filling her eyes, Serena could see that Bernie was beginning to process the information ''How could I not have known'' Bernie whispered, not looking at Serena. It was more of a rhetorical question. She was finding it difficult to comprehend what was happening. She new she hadn't felt right for weeks but this was the last thing she expected.
Serena finally gave Bernie eye contact and emotion rose in her chest as she seen a tear pour down Bernie's cheek. She wanted to wrap her arms around her and tell her everything would be okay, but she just couldn't bring herself to give Bernie any comfort. Serena was angry and hurt, things had been going so well between them since Bernie had returned from Ukraine and now there relationship had came to a standstill as they both reassessed this new situation that had arised.
''I know its came as quite a shock, ill give you some time'' she said in a professional tone, it was something she would say to any other patient. She sloped out of the side room and headed to her office where she sat at her desk with her head in her hands, frequent glances at the side room door, torn between wanting to comfort her beloved Bernie in her time of need and the bitter, angry thoughts of Bernie and Marcus together.
A short time later there was another knock at the shared office door, it was Raff.''Ms Campbell, I think we have a problem, I've just went to complete Bernie OBS and, well, she's gone.'' Serena and Raff looked at each other concerned.