(I'm so sorry.)
I'm pretty sure this isn't what anyone had in mind when they asked for more of this AU, but here you go! (Also, there's a 99.9% [okay, 100%] chance I was watching the FNAF Musical Markiplier was in while I wrote this. And if you haven't seen it, please watch it. It's amazing.)
Edit 4/14/17: Yes, this is related to Please Like and Subscribe. But in no way do you need to read that in order to understand this.
Five Nights
It sounded simple enough.
All he had to do was sit at a desk and check the security feeds every so often, just to make sure everything was where it was meant to be. As it was night time, it meant there was very little he needed to keep track of.
Alfred had to admit, the only bad part about his new job was that he'd be alone in an old, dark building from midnight until six in the morning. If he was lucky, he'd be able to call one of his friends if he got too freaked out by the surprisingly creepy animatronics. Or, you know, he'd just lock himself in his office and hide under a blanket until the sun rose.
Not that it would come to that!
He was a brave, super cool hero and heroes weren't afraid of lifeless robotic animals!
Alfred happily settled in at his new desk and took a look around the room. Crayon drawings were taped onto the walls – gifts from the children who loved the pizzeria, no doubt – along with official posters depicting the characters. On the desk was a computer, a phone with a chord, and a simple black fan.
The phone rang loudly, causing Alfred to jump in surprise. He stared at it suspiciously for several rings.
It was just after midnight. Why was someone calling him? More importantly, who was calling him?
Alfred cautiously reached out and picked up the phone.
"Hello? Oh, uh, hello! Welcome to your new job as a night security guard for Freddy Fazbear's Family Pizzeria! Now, I don't know if you've heard about any of the stories or, uh, rumors about this place, so I just thought I'd call and give you a little reassurance."
Alfred frowned. The voice sounded a little familiar to him, but he couldn't remember where he'd heard it before.
"I worked that shift before you, so I have a bit of advice for you, if you'd like it."
"Uh, sure?" Alfred responded wearily.
"Great! So, first you should know that you are in no danger what-so-ever, no matter what you may hear from the others. That said, for your safety, there are a few rules you may want to keep in mind. A few tricks I used to employ when I was in your position. You still following me?"
"Yes?"
"Great! Now, you might notice as you flip through the cameras, that some of the animatronics like to... wander around a bit. This is nothing for you to be concerned about. They just have a free roam mode that they go into at night, which I've been told is to prevent them from locking up or suffering any sort of malfunctions."
Alfred gaped in horror at his monitor, which was showing a poorly lit party room, covered in what he thought (hoped) was confetti. "What?"
"The only thing you might need to worry about is if they spot you, because they might not recognize you as a human and will instead think you're a metal endoskeleton. And since that's against the rules, they'll like;y try to... stuff you in a Freddy suit."
"What?" Alfred repeated, his voice rising to a squeak.
"Which wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for all of the electronics and rebar and whatnot. So just don't get spotted by any of them, okay? Oh! And one other thig! The breaker will trip if too much power is used during the night, so keep an eye on that. You'll need it to operate the doors on your left and right.
"That's all I've got for you! Just keep those rules in mind and you'll do great! Anyway, I need to run. Good luck!"
Alfred didn't have time to say anything else before hearing the click of the other guy hanging up. He was officially alone.
Alone in a pizzeria of animatronics.
Animatronics which could walk around and might possibly kill him.
Alfred gulped and leaned forward, clicking through the different camera feeds to get a better look at the place.
"It's just a joke. That's it. He was just joking. Just messin' with the new guy. Well, joke's on you, phone guy! I will not be foo- what was that?" Alfred cut himself off, staring intently at the screen. "Did that bunny just move?"
He was pretty sure the purple bunny was not in the same position as before. When he first looked, it'd been facing the same direction as the bear and the chicken. It was clearly facing slightly more towards the camera.
Alfred glared at the screen, daring one of them to move again. When nothing seemed to happen for several long minutes, he slumped back in his chair with a relieved sigh. "Just imagining things. Everything's fine and there's nothing weird going on. Nothing... at... all...?"
The bunny was gone.
"WHERE DID IT GO?!" Alfred shrieked, his voice echoing in the room and out into the halls. He immediately clapped his hands over his mouth, his blue eyes wide with fright. He'd just given his location away to whatever thing was out there trying (and succeeding) to scare him.
Alfred desperately flipped through the cameras in search of the bunny, lingering briefly on the curtain to Pirate's Cove. He wasn't sure what it was, but there was something unsettling about that place...
He shook his head and moved on, whispering encouragements to himself under his breath.
The bunny was in the party room and was staring directly into the camera with its soulless black eyes.
Alfred whimpered, grabbed his flashlight, and ducked under his desk to hide. "'m gonna die. I don't wanna die. I don't wanna be smashed into an bear suit and have my eyeballs pop out of my skull or turn to jelly. Oh god I don't wanna die. I need a blanket. Where's my blanket? Can I at least have that before I'm brutally murdered by a bunny?"
"Like this one?"
Alfred came very close to bashing his head into the underside of the desk in fright. Instead, he let loose an ear-piercing scream.
Standing in front of him, holding out a fuzzy maroon blanket, was a guy in a purple hoodie. Alfred couldn't see his face, but he felt like he knew him from somewhere. Ignoring the feeling of wrongness screaming at him from a corner of his mind, he accepted the blanket.
"Better?" Hoodie guy asked.
Alfred nodded and quickly wrapped the blanket around himself. "Yeah, thanks! I don't feel nearly so scared anymore."
"Good. Because I'm here to kill you."
He could only stare in shock as Hoodie Guy removed a butchers knife from his pocket and menacingly held it up.
Alfred screamed.
"Al! Alfred! Wake up!"
"Ow! Shit! He punched me!"
"Stop screaming, moron!"
Something gently whacked Alfred in the face and his eyes snapped open to see a purple hoodie. His screaming grew worse and he wildly flailed his arms, trying to get away.
"No! Don't kill me, purple hoodie guy! I don't wanna die! I don't wanna die!"
Someone swore quietly under their breath. "You've been playing Five Nights before bed again, haven't you? We've talked about this, Al."
"Wait, again?"
Alfred gasped for air, blinking his eyes rapidly to try and bring everything into focus. (A difficult task, as he wasn't wearing his glasses and all he'd be able to make out anyway were blurs of color.) Eventually, he figured out the fuzzy forms in front of him were his friend, Yong Soo (in a purple bathrobe? Or maybe they were pajamas?) and his older brother, Matthew.
No weird killers – bunnies or otherwise.
"Hang on, he's done this before?" That time, Alfred recognized the voice as belonging to Yong Soo.
"More than once," Matthew said, sounding exasperated. "There was the first Five Nights and all the ones since, all of the Resident Evil games, that one with the Wendigo, a whole boatload of horror games on Steam that we spent days recording for Al's channel... Really, there's too many to list. And that's not counting the nightmares he gets from the movies he watches."
Yong Soo was quiet for a moment. "Do you guys ever get sleep?"
Alfred felt mildly insulted. "Hey, I'm not that bad!"
"Yes, you are," Matthew responded immediately. "So do we need to watch an episode of Big Bang or are you going to sleep without waking all of us up again?"
"Umm..."
Matthew sighed. "Alright, get up. But we're only watching one! We're not marathoning your stupid show until sunrise!"
For the next four hours, the three of them sat on the couch together and watched the Big Bang Theory. The sun rose over the horizon well before they were done.