Disclaimer: Blah. Yahda, Yahda. It's not mine, any of it. Just the plot and not even all of it (got some inspiration from the comics) if ya see any tipos tell me, don't have a beta reader, but have some dyslexia. Also I would like to point out "my" joker looks a lot like Jared Leto's but the Harley for this story is based on the animated series. Sadly i don't own Jared Leto because its illegal to own a person xD as I don't want to turn this disclaimer into an AN (but alredy did) On with the story
IMPORTANT: this is rated M, chap 1 has mild swearing, sexual themes, allusion of sex and mild violence, but as the story goes it'll get saucy-er. Maybe. We'll see. Ok imma go now.
Chapter one: ANOTHER SCAPE (arkaham really needs to strengthen security)
She sometimes wondered when did the madness happened. Was it there all along or was it something that triggered her psyche.
He knew all one needed to be mad was one bad day, a little push and that's it. Gone off the deep ends you were.
They all told her that he didn't love her, that he wasn't capable of love; joker was a murderous mad man. Erratic and abusive they would say. But it didn't matter, they didn't now the truth. She did however. He was her puddin' and her Mistah J. a genius, and so what if he told her some lies back at Arkaham she would have too in his position, but the minute they were out and he was sure he told her the truth. He didn't know his past. At. All. All he knew was the joker and he didn't care about lil things like morals and ethics, all was about fun, but fun was a discipline to her lover, careful planed things, big bombs, structured schemes, and little whims and spontaneity to keep things spiked too. But the only way he could keep her save, and really save that is, was if everyone thought he couldn't care less for her.
What sheer genius was he. He could read her like a book, his sweet Harley, so crazy and yet so lucid. He loved her he really did, if he could love anyone that is. She was hopeless and clumsy and completely dim witted sometimes and he didn't kill her, if that wasn't proof enough he didn't know what was. Since when, HE, The Joker had refrained to kill someone rather than batman? Still he tried to kill her, just like he tried to kill batman. Ah well, he was a career man after all, he needed to make sure he didn't have any weaknesses to be exploit, what better way to do it then to make everyone think that he wouldn't mind if she were to die, but that she was his property. Only HIS. But that particular joke would have to go unappreciated. No joke if everyone knows the punch line. That thought make him crackle out loud, which soon turned in to one of his famous psychotic laughs
"Shut it clown!" Said one of the orderlies from the end of the hall "I said shut it!" he repeated which make Joker double up "how idiotic of you my friend, that'll cost you a hole in your forehead"
"Mike let him, it makes him laugh harder" his partner said "hmm so mai-k it is, they aren't even trying to NOT get killed anymore. No fun, no fun at all"
"It just sickens me"
"Yeah then quit" the other man snapped "it's one of the quiet nights for the clown, so if you can't handle this just beat it!" ahahahaha "not nice, I think I like this one. He has an attitude, very well you aren't getting killed off No-Name"
"Sorry man he just gives me the creeps" Mai-k shuddered
"You'll get used to it. God know I did"
After what seemed hours joker's laugh finally died down. They were right, it was one of his quiet nights, he was busy planning on a breakout, but dam it, Harley got on his mind. He couldn't wait to be outta there and finally slap the little minx "that'll teach her to keep herself out of my toughts" hmm maybe spank her, and… No! she likes that, pervert lil' harlequin. Fuck he was hard. Again. It really wasn't his fault if he was frustrated and couldn't think. This stunt in Arkaham had been longer that the anticipated time. Harley had been shot and had to heal. If he broke out on his own chances were getting Harley out after would proof harder than to simply wait for her. And take her wounded and scape should prove poor manners with the generous taxpayers of Gotham that financed their free hostel aka Arkaham asylum.
It was always fun to break out of Arkaham in new and inventive ways! Ah down to memory lane we were then "the time with the bomb in the rec room was my favorite, oh the mayhem! The bodies! The chaos! But the time Harley broke him out personally would stay forever his personal favorite…"
"Say hello to ya new and improved Harley Quinn's pud!" oh she was a vision in black and red spandex
"Harley! Pooh what is the meaning of all this noise?" he had to ask, because well never in his wildest fantasies he saw the whole ensemble, he didn't think she was that far gone, but oh how he loved it!
"I came ta bust ya out mistah J! aren't'cha happy?"
"Happy? I'm delighted Harls, how you make me laugh you silly blonde, a jester! Perfect Harley, as if I tought it myself! Ha"
"…..The smile that broke out in her face was worth it, and hand in hand they run together to the horizon… okay, so what if they had to shoot a couple of guards in their way to the horizon? It still counted!"
Yes, yes. Good memories indeed, but back to business with his moll on top shape right now it was time to go to the HaHacienda and back to work.
A loud alarm broke her out of her thoughts about her puddin' and the clink of her cell's door being open got her on her feet and ready, but she soon realized that it wasn't her sweet J greeting her.
"Pam! Whatdaya doin' here?" what the hell?
"we don't have time for this, Jay was very insistent on timing" said Ivy grabbing me and dragging me to the hall and past the doors of The Zoo
"So it is my puddin's doing! I knew it! Oh red he busted you out too, how nice of him!" I was on cloud nine, I didn't need to know more, I was getting out of Arkaham with my love and may best pal.
"Yeah, yeah. He only did it because he needs my plants and access to your cell. Bastard. If I didn't need the getaway lift I would have grabbed you and runned"
"You act like ya guys hate each other but you don't fool me. But so be it, pretend ya guys are using each other" I was smiling from ear to ear to the time we got to the administrative building were Ivy's plants had cracked the window bars
"You go first Harley. Climb down, through the window and I'll be right behind you"
Easier said than done, what they don't tell you in movies is that your feet get tangled a lot in vines. Coupled with sirens and that annoying police chopper's reflectors and you got yourself a big mess. I managed okay I got to floor just fine.
"Harley! God, are you ok?" Pam yelled running towards me. Damm Ivy busting my cover, okay I lied, I landed butt first in the floor
"Yes Red, don't cha worry about me" I was grumpy, don't blame me, I still haven't seen puddin'
"You sure?"
"Harley! Plant! Move your fucking asses to here, we don't have no time to waste if we wanna avoid the Bat!" Puddin! Oh my sweet darling Mistah J, said from a rover. God how I've missed him. Once again I found myself got dragged by Pam and running down the hill.
"Mistah J!" finally! All that time didn't matter. He grabbed me, pulling me from Red's hold and kissed me. Hard. Just how I loved it.
"Oh baby girl, you've missed daddy, haven't cha?" my angel said chuckling in mirth. Sweet baby Jesus, that laugh does some very bad things to me. I love you Mistah J. I hugged him tight and cuddled close to him.
Just like I knew she would "my, my, Harley is definitely getting the whoopee cushion tonigh" It was harder than I expected to hack the security of Pam and Harley's cell, but hell, with the amount of founding old Lealand got, the surprise was how quick I did mine's. Harley clinged even more to my body while the Weed Lady got on the SUV
"Sure thing Mistah J! Oh, daddy I'm so happy u got me outta that boring place" she said and if I didn't shut her up she would talk for days.
"That's good baby" I pushed her on the backseat and closed the door, climbing on the front next to the driver, Rocco, and giving the order to get going. We needed to hurry and told her so "but Daddy promises to listen to your praises later pooh Teh hehe"
"Praises? Harley how do you put up with his crap" Urgh I forgot the plant was still here.
But neither Harley nor I got to respond. The good for nothing chopper got us with the lights and soon was hot in our tail.
"God dammit Rocco! I told you we wanted a clean getaway" grabbing a bazooka from the ammo I ordered to be brought I loaded it and prepared my shot.
"Sorry boss, the chopper was a new development. Ivan said they only sent cruisers" Rocco was the only loyal henchman I kept. He wasn't funny but hey, that was my job.
"See what you make me do?" I blasted the helicopter to Tacoochee and my girl laughed and clapped in the back while Weed looked annoyed "remember me to shoot Ivan pooh"
"Okey-dokie Mistah J, way to go pud! Ya sure rosted 'em crispy, boss-man" she said in that god awful high pitched voice of her, that I love but pretend not to.
"How many times do you need to hear it before you got it you dumb blonde, your jokes suck!" I screamed, she knows it's a ruse, but damm that one was pretty bad.
"Sorry Mistah J" she acts down but I now her better, that vixen did it on purpose! Oh she is so getting a spanking latter.
"I'm not even going to try to make you see why he's being a dick, as usual Harls, I know is hopeless right now. But promise when he kicks you out in a couple of days you'll call" why do I keep forgetting about the Plant? I want to strangle her but I know she believes what everybody does, and also Harley likes her for some reason.
Once we drop Red at her house, Pud tells me how he broke us out of Arkaham. She didn't need Red at all; he has means of getting out of the main building without using the vines. The fact that he let Ivy tag along shows how much he loves me. I think deep down Red knows to, she totally projected back there too. The whole "he just needs my plants" was too obvious. When we arrive to the HaHacienda he picks me up and we go straight to the bedroom. I got a glimpse of Rocco shooting Ivan between the eyes in the hech's common room before we turn in the hallway and get to the stairs.
"Now Harley, Daddy is in mood for some pain, so be a dear and put on your make-up. You know how it does wonders to kick-start daddy's inspiration" he purrs. And I'm hooked, as always.